Which way you goin', Billy?

Between Victoria and Phyllis, Billy didn't seem to know if he was coming or going. Did his deposition -- or his even new motorcycle -- help to clear the muddy waters of his intentions? With the ''resourceful'' Ian acting as the self-appointed guardian angel over ''The Moustache,'' should Victor be even more on his guard against not only the guards but also Ian? Refresh yourself with a sip of Jack's sweet tea as you read Two Scoops.

Seriously, which way you goin', Billy? Victoria wants to know. Phyllis wants to know. Jack wants to know. The fans want to know. Shoot, even "The Poppy Family" wants know. Boy, is that song a blast from the past. Of course, if Victor were the one asking, it would be more like, "Which way you goin', Billy Boy?"

Hmmm...somehow that just doesn't have the same kind of ring to it, does it? Besides, anytime you think of a "Billy Boy" song, the lyrics would naturally be, "Oh, where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Oh, where have you been, charming Billy?" Hey, that question works just as well. Billy Abbott has always been almost too charming for his own good, and he has kept the ladies in his life on their toes, always wondering if he is coming or going.

Billy is not always sure what he wants, and that seems to get him in plenty of trouble. Lately, he's been flip-flopping between Victoria, the supposed love of his life, and Phyllis, who also happens to be his brother's wife. Wow, that rhymed. It could almost be the lyrics to a brand new Billy song.

Anyway, the going back and forth from Victoria to Phyllis has not worked out well for any of them, and especially not for Billy's brother, Jack. Sure, Billy and Phyllis feel a closeness, because they are somewhat alike, but that does not equate to them being together. Those two sometimes seem to be teetering on the edge, and they need someone stable for balance. If both Billy and Phyllis end up falling off the cliff at the same time, without Victoria and Jack, who would be there to catch them?

Billy tends to be impulsive, and it has been the rational Victoria who has stopped him from going too far. She has helped him keep his feet grounded and has reminded him that it's his family who should come first. Without Victoria, Billy could easily go back to spinning out of control. There's no denying that Billy has a huge heart. But it's his head that causes him problems, and it has taken good old common sense to keep him in line. Victoria has that in spades. And because of Billy's humor, Victoria has been a woman who could enjoy the brighter side of life.

Then we have Phyllis, who has enough fire and passion to consume the world. She needs a calming influence to help her douse the flames every now and then. Too much fire, and her walls of security could come crumbling down in a big, black smoldering heap. But it's Phyllis' zest for life that draws Jack to her -- but hopefully not like a moth is drawn to the flame, where it would eventually sizzle and die. Jack has been the steady force Phyllis has needed in order not to burn herself out. But as much as Phyllis needs Jack's stable security blanket, Jack desires her strong spirit and her fiery ardor. This couple complements each other in every way. Now, if only they would listen to each other once in a while.

Billy and Jack are not only brothers; they are friends. Billy has always looked up to the big brother, who has tried to help the younger Mr. Abbott many, many times in the past. Jack would do almost anything for Billy, but sometimes even that hasn't been enough. Sadly, Jack didn't decide to help Billy with the PassKey project until it was too late, which ended up causing friction between Jabot and Newman Enterprises once again. When Billy became partners with Phyllis on the project, the secrets between them toppled the worlds of their loved ones and have kept them all reeling. So, which way are you goin', Billy? Not in Phyllis' direction, I hope. No good can come from it.

Jack and Victoria's best recourse was to try to positively spin Billy and Phyllis' actions. However, I am not so sure Victoria is going about it the right way. She proved she could be as stubborn as her father when she refused to end the Newman/Abbott feud because of her personal feelings for Billy. Well, that's the way it looked to Jack, anyway, and I have to agree. Victoria was ready to make amends to receive some of the PassKey project's profits when Billy angered her again. To me, it sure appeared personal rather than professional. Victoria did have a point, though, when she observed that neither Billy nor Phyllis had considered how the ramifications of their actions with the project would affect their kids. She used that word. Ramifications. Yes, indeedy, Victoria really is sounding more and more like her father every day.

And Victoria resembled her father even more during the depositions. When Billy testified, he told the truth, as far as I remember it anyway. What it all boiled down to was that Victor fired Natalie, and Jabot hired her. Pure and simple. That Victoria wanted to make it something else was totally irrelevant. No, Billy did not trick poor, nave simpleton Victor into giving him the computer geek. Billy was right. It did seem as if Victoria knew her father had made a mistake, so Victor's little princess was trying to correct it. After all, she is daddy's little girl, all grown up -- and with claws out.

Victoria turned both Billy's and Phyllis' depositions into her personal question and answer sessions. Michael didn't have to worry about losing his license because attorneys will no longer be needed in Genoa City, thanks to Victor and Victoria. I don't know why Newman Enterprises even bothers to have their legal eagles on staff, since Victor and Victoria ignore any advice they provide anyway. But Billy talked about Natalie and PassKey, and all Victoria wanted to hear about was how Billy had given up his family for the sake of the project. I didn't really get the connection. Actually, if I remember correctly, Billy had originally wanted Natalie's program so he could better provide for his family. I kept waiting for him to point that out to her, but he never did.

Victoria tried, also, to turn the tables on Phyllis, who stressed that Victoria had only wanted to turn Billy into her little puppet. Wow, that sounds exactly like Victor. Victoria's daddy dearest has tugged on Billy Boy's strings for so long, I am surprised Billy doesn't have rope burn. Now Victoria can jerk on Billy's heartstrings. Maybe Victoria's secret desire was to take over as master puppeteer after seeing Victor call the shots for all those years. Still, Billy doesn't make for the best marionette. He's just too unpredictable and hard to control. She should have found an easier dummy to manipulate.

The rest of the depositions were no help to Victoria, either, since Summer chose to lie to protect her mother, and Jack lied to protect Summer. And, of course, Kevin, Mariah, and Natalie covered for themselves. Victoria really didn't have much of a leg to stand on when it was all said and done. However, it was Phyllis who seemed to come out as the loser in this, since Jack believed she had sold her daughter's soul to the devil. Actually, Summer had already done that with her undying support for her grandfather. Victor lies and manipulates, and nobody bats an eye. But Phyllis commits one little kidnapping, and she's chastised forever.

There was one small glimmer of hope, though, when Victoria offered Billy an invitation to Johnny's school play. They still had that connection and were able to briefly laugh and reminisce together about past school events. They very obviously still loved each other. After all, it wasn't that long ago they were planning on remarrying. Have they gone past the point of no return with no chance of reconciling? Victoria admitted to Jack she still loved Billy, and she hoped having Jack oust Billy from Jabot would give her one last chance with Billy. I'm just not sure forcing Billy to give up one love for another would accomplish that.

But, even so, Phyllis seemed to be their biggest obstacle for reuniting. After Jack scolded her about Summer, Phyllis ran straight to Billy for comfort -- and they sought their solace on the back of a motorcycle. Billy knew exactly which way to go then to drown out the noise in their heads. And a little mud therapy also proved to be the cure. When Jack arrived to deliver the news of Victoria's agreement to share the profits of the project, he found Phyllis and Billy in various stages of undress. Really, Jack, it's not what it looks like. How many times have we heard that on soaps? This time, it really wasn't, but Jack had still better believe that his brother is a threat to Jack's marriage, despite Billy and Phyllis' innocence. Next time, it may be exactly what it looks like.

So, while, in a sense, Victoria was imprisoned in her emotional conflict with the Abbotts, Victor fought for his life behind bars, with Ian Ward at his side -- faithful, true-blue, honest, and reliable Ian. I can't say I blame Victor for not wanting to adopt Ian, with his "unvarnished truth," as Vic's savior. Ian doesn't exactly have a reputation for being a protector of all creatures great and small. But, really, what choice does Victor have in picking his friends? It's not like he was winning a popularity contest in the slammer. So, Ian it was.

I agree with Ian that he is one "resourceful" guy. He can escape out of prison any time he chooses and can slip out of his cell when he is in prison. "Walls can never hold a wandering spirit." That, most certainly, could be Ian's motto, since bars never seem to contain him. Victor could do worse than to have Ian as his newly appointed guardian angel. Actually, Victor would be wise to consider Ian's application for the position, since a guard attacked Victor with no apparent motive -- well, at least that was the warden's story. But maybe the warden had his own agenda, as far as Victor was concerned. After all, Victor has never had respect for legal authority of any kind.

In the meantime, Nikki found comfort from Victor's rejection with a drink. Surprise, surprise. You'd think she would have learned better by now. She uses drinking to cope with Victor's own special brand of love, and she also uses liquor as her crutch to deal when Victor eventually spurns her. But this time, it was not with just any drink. It was one that she found sitting on a random table. Oh, wait, that would be just any drink. Judging by the brownish color, it wasn't her booze of choice, which would be vodka, but then again, beggars can't be choosers. I guess it was easier to guzzle down the alcohol that some unknown person had already taken some chugs out of and had possibly flavored with some slobbers. Ugh! Yuck! How disgusting!

Geesh, Nikki, take the time to dig into your pocketbook and buy a new, fresh drink, not already sampled by another. It's not like you are fooling anyone with your so-called secret sipping. Jack wasn't duped for a moment when he found Nikki in the hospital. Just the fact that she was in the hospital should have tipped Nikki off that something was seriously wrong. And her behavior earlier with Sage and Chelsea had been utterly humiliating, when Nikki pretty much stated she could buy Sage another child. Please, Nikki, leap back onto the wagon (again) before you become a total laughingstock (again).

And Nikki claimed to Jack that she was trying to make that leap, and she begged Jack to help her. And Jack, being the good guy he is, agreed to keep quiet on the condition she go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. A lot of good that will do. I think Nikki and Neil have a revolving door at the facility for those meetings. They only attend when they are backed into a corner or if they actually want help at a given moment. But it's almost like they attend one meeting, and all is supposedly right with the world again. Until the next time they take a tumble off the wagon.

But Nikki's excuse, this time, was that she realized it was the anniversary of her first marriage with Victor. Since they've been married so many times, it's amazing she can keep track. But on his same anniversary, Victor became acquainted with the newest infirmary doctor, Dr. Meredith Gates. I actually remember the actress, Alicia Coppola, from an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. But what could be in store for the attractive doc and Vic?

Since Adam has held Christian -- I mean Sully, it appears to only be a matter of time before the truth about Sully and Christian comes out. Adam and Chelsea both know that Adam, not Nick, is the father of little Christian. Would Adam keep quiet this time, now that his beloved is also aware of the truth? I am sure Dylan and Sharon wouldn't continue with their investigation of the night Sully was born if they knew it would leave them with the loss of a child. Hmmm...would the lips of our Boy Wonder, our good-guy superhero, remain sealed if he learned that Sully was actually Christian, thanks to Dr. Anderson's dirty deeds? Surely, Dylan wouldn't be so honorable as to hand the child straight into his biological mother's arms. Why, that would practically qualify him for sainthood.

Ben and Abby sure have their hands full with Ben's kid, Max, who makes it so obviously clear he has no love or respect for his new stepmother. Or for her "demon seed." Well, that was Abby's description of her unborn baby to her mother, after she feared that her offspring with Stitch might be a carbon copy of Max. Ben's child is either overly jealous of his dad, or he truly is as evil as he appears. Max has been putting on a show that he loves everyone but Abby to make her appear to be a horrible person, and it worked -- with Abby. Ashley reminded her that time, patience, and a good sense of humor work wonders, but sometimes patience can wear very thin with a bratty child. How long should Abby have to tolerate that kind of disrespect and rudeness?

Stitch really should have put a stop to Max's bad behavior long ago, but I think he feared it would then turn toward him. Better it be Abby than Stitch, I guess. And the whole stunt with the false fire alarm at Crimson Lights was ridiculous. You know, when my siblings and I were kids and we would do something wrong, just because our friends did it or had dared us to do it, my grandmother used to demand to know, "So, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it?" It was a very popular question back then. I used to joke and say, "Well, I might." I guess I was a little naughty. So I thought Lily would ask Charlie that, but she never did. I guess times have changed.

Suddenly and miraculously, Max turned over a new leaf and was all nicey-nice to Abby and her unborn baby. A little too nicey-nice, if you know what I mean. I sure wouldn't have trusted that kid's instant turnabout. And that's one baby shower Abby might want to consider taking a pass on (although I give Max a thumbs-up for the term "baby bath"). My guess is Abby won't make it to the festivities, anyway, if Max has his way. That's one scary kid!

Showing their hearts were in the right place, Abby and Ben pretended to be Ashley and Simon and bought them flowers, but the ploy truly backfired. In fact, it went so wrong that Ashley and the obviously smitten doctor may never find their way to each other now. Simon looked so crushed when he overheard Ashley say to her daughter that there was no romance or love between them at all. I mean, it would be harder on Dr. Neville than most, because he is very inexperienced in the affairs of the heart. Simon had always been safely tucked away in his cocoon filled with test tubes and beakers, and he never had to worry before about heartbreak and pain. I wanted to just reach out and hug Simon as he walked away from the lab.

Too bad Simon didn't hear Abby say she didn't believe a word of the manure her mother was dishing out. Okay, maybe Abby didn't say those exact words, but it's also my opinion that Ashley is in total denial if she believes that nonsense. Ashley seemed to have a bit of a crush herself but was afraid to admit it. But Ashley is on the opposite end of the experience scale in that she has been hurt too much by love throughout the years. But the flowers were a sweet gesture on Abby and Ben's part, just the same.

Then we have those sweet, adorable lovebirds Devon and Hilary. Don't they look so happy and in love? Uh, no! I swear, Hilary seems to only use sex when she wants to sway Devon over to her way of thinking. You know, the duel to the death, step-on-your-friends-and-family-on-the-way-to-the-top philosophy. You can most certainly see why Devon fell for her. How long before he starts wondering why? It's becoming crystal clear to me that Hilary never regained her feelings for Devon once her memory returned, and she's just using him -- a man with power and tons of money -- to get what she wants. And what she wants is everything Ashley has. Maybe for Dr. Neville's sake, Ashley had better not fall for Simon. He could end up becoming Hilary's next target for "love."

And how could Jack put Hilary on as a foundation board member, knowing that both Neil and Ashley had not wanted that and knowing that Hilary and Ashley butt heads? Does he not care for his sister at all? Well, apparently Jack didn't know anything about Hilary's blackmail, and it was Neil to the rescue. Neil was all too happy to fill Jack in. Thank heavens, Jack had Neil as his partner. I swear, Hilary has no shame at all. How can Devon not see the person his "honey" has become? Or has always been. I do believe the real Hilary has returned. Lucky them.

Man, Hilary is one nasty lady. She has absolutely no qualms about using secrets she holds against anyone that crosses her path. Why would she even want to be in a position of power under those circumstances? You know, blackmail. Especially since it was for an organization that only wants to help others. Has she no pride? Use any dirt you can to get what you want. That could be Hilary's battle cry. Apparently, love and respect don't rank high on her list of priorities. It sounds like the Hilary who first arrived in town. Yes, sir, she's bbbaaaccckkk!

The "Nikki card" exchange between Adam and Dylan was cute, especially when Dylan admitted that playing the card would have worked. It's the little light moments like this that keep the soap from getting too dark at times.

Couldn't you just picture Mariah sitting at her beach bungalow on an island, drinking her fruity drinks and reading a novel? Well, until Natalie drove by in her flashy car, overtaking Kevin's speedy little Ferrari. After Mariah heard Natalie's fantasy, if looks could kill, Natalie would have been a goner.

Summer had better hang onto some of the Newman money, because that girl cannot draw. That cow/horse was even worse than the drawings of my stick horses, and that's saying a lot. If she depended on that for a living, Summer would truly be a starving artist.

Until next time, please stay tuned.Teddi

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