Third time's the charm

After two failed tries to wed other women, Nick successfully married Sage, but will their bliss last past Christmas? Fortunately for GC residents, it was ''Bring your kid to work'' day at the PCPD. Luckily, Paul's kid solved the Scooby mystery. Predictably, the Victator escaped unscathed by his machinations. As Neil's revenge plot moved forward, Hilary was missing and presumed dead, and Devon remained the only suspect.

For the third time in two years, Nick waited for yet another woman to walk down the aisle and say, "I do." This time was the charm as Kyle officiated and made sure that the knot was tied between Nick and Sage, who were both blissfully happy. We can only hope that Nick will do a better job of keeping his vows of eternal love with Sage than he did with Sharon. There are, of course, a couple of things that might interfere with that.

First off, I question Kyle's newfound Internet ordination -- yes I know you can get legal credentials, but what if Kyle just thinks he's licensed in Wisconsin but isn't? Also, what happens when Gabe is outed as Adam? We all know that Adam will not be able to resist eventually throwing his true identity in Victor, Nick, Billy, or Victoria's (take your pick) face. When that happens, how is Nick going to react? Will he demand another paternity test now that he knows that Gabe/Adam is a familial match? Is it possible that Gabe may still be the father of Sage's baby? I think, "Yes it is!" It wouldn't be a soap if there weren't still that possibility as a twist in the story, and it would certainly cause some complications among the couples -- not to mention how the Abbotts will react when they find out that Jack kept Adam's secret.

I expect Nick to be upset with Sage when he finds out about Adam. Noah might have some questions for Marisa as well, since she, too, has withheld some vital information. Marisa seems too old for Noah, not in years, but in experience. If Marco took her out of poverty as a young girl, then she lived a life that would have turned some young women into drug addicts and worse. Marisa seems untouched by the hard edges of such a life, but she is a lot wiser in the ways of the world and has seen a lot more of its seamy side than Noah will probably ever see.

I love Chelsea and Adam together, but I thought that Sage and Gabe were also good together. The course of true love -- on a soap -- never does run smoothly, so I expect there to be some serious bumps in the road ahead for Adam and Chelsea before they get to move to Paris and live happily ever after. For one thing, Victor won't let them, and neither will Adam because his need to defeat his dad is greater than his love for Chelsea and Connor. For another, both characters would be off canvas, and none of us would put up with that for even a minute, so hear me, Adam and Chelsea, "You can vacation in Paris all you want, but you can't move there and start over. You must stay in Genoa City, where we can watch your tortured lives play out."

I don't know about you, but I was thrilled that the PCPD had a "Bring your child to work" day. Not only that, but Dylan was selected as "Cop for a day." If some other child had been selected, Harding and Marco might have fled Genoa City before anyone else caught on. Thank goodness Dylan was a natural and could see right through Harding, despite all Harding's experience on the police force.

Will anyone ever get wise to the "Two Jacks"? None of the bright lights who hung out at Crimson Lights, drinking coffee, ever figured out how there could be two Jacks, though I suppose "doppelgnger" is not one's first response, but somewhere down the line, you'd think that Kevin would have figured it out. He's been right about everything else. Kevin is the one who ought to be a cop. Dylan's one-day stint was very unbelievable, even for a soap. Nobody gets a badge -- even on television -- without some training, a lot of paperwork, and a swearing-in ceremony.

Dylan's short-term job did have some purpose. It allowed Dylan to be heroic, and it served to cause Sharon's miscarriage and the subsequent cover-up, and it paves the way for Sharon's further descent into darkness.

I can't believe that Dylan is about to be disappointed and duped again. First Avery miscarried, then Chelsea used him, and now Sharon, instead of merely disappointing Dylan, is going to dupe him into believing that their baby is alive. Will her plan to conceive quickly succeed? Of course not. Sharon is off her meds, and she is winding up to do something really crazy. I think she will steal Sage's baby, but Bessie says "No." Bessie's usually right, but I still think Sharon is going to steal someone's baby and pass it off as Dylan's, and only Mariah will know and probably tell, long after Sharon has done something really bad.

One thing I learned last week was that when someone screams, "I'm not crazy," like Sharon did to Noah, my first -- unspoken -- response is, "Yes, you are." Noah, of all people, should recognize that Sharon is off her meds and needs help. Noah always buys into Sharon's excuses; he needs to grow a set and make sure that she is taking her meds. Dylan needs to help out there as well. Sharon needs constant supervision to make sure that she does not get off schedule. Dylan ought to bring a glass of water and a pill every night before bed. Heck, I'm don't even have bipolar, and I have trouble remembering which pill to take when. If I had a significant other bringing my pills, I'd take them -- and so would Sharon.

If Dylan and Noah have learned anything from Sharon's past, it is that she needs to be monitored all the time, because her response to the first sign of trouble is to lie and to keep lying because she fears rejection, which always happens because she lied -- just one big vicious circle. That's what I find most instructive about soaps. The characters never learn from their mistakes and keep making the same ones over and over again. Fortunately, we don't have to. Not only can we learn from our own mistakes, but we can also learn from those of our imaginary friends, and unlike them, we can get it right the first time just because they didn't!!

Once again, Victor has escaped unscathed from the machinations that he put into play as a preemptive strike against Jack and the Abbotts because he thought they had initiated the "Paragon Project." I predicted that he would, but I don't like it. Victor should really be held responsible for the debacle that was Newman-Abbott. I will bet that so many laws were broken that it would take days just to read the indictments against him.

That Jack and Phyllis acceded to Victor's demands to remain silent is ridiculous, as were Victor's reasons for why they should keep quiet. Victor's first argument, that Jack would be held responsible for the sinking of the ship he had stowed away on was specious. How could anyone prove that Jack started the fire that sank the ship? Only Jack and Marisa knew the truth. All they had to say was that they didn't know how the fire started. They were the survivors, so their account of the events is all that counts to the courts and the authorities.

Victor's second argument, that Jack would be held for Kelly's death might have some validity, but again, little or no proof. If Victor could buy the law with enough cash that the police would hold Jack hostage on that island, then Jack could spread enough cash around to prove that he did not kill Kelly. Since a death certificate already existed for her, Jack could easily plead that he had been drugged and held hostage and had hallucinated the entire episode.

It's easy to see why Jack is the perpetual also-ran. Jack had the perfect opportunity to tell Paul and Christine everything. No matter what happened to Jack as a result, Victor would get it ten times worse, but Jack wimped out of taking the risk and going for the jugular. I really don't know how Jack can live with himself for not making sure that Victor got punished for what he did to both Jack and Phyllis. Somebody -- Bessie, I think -- told me that Eric Braeden allegedly has a clause in his contract that says that Victor always wins. After watching this ridiculous story play out, I can almost believe it!

We probably have not seen the last of Marco. As he was flying away in the helicopter, it looked like someone had cut off his ear to distinguish him from Jack. I think it would have been better to have scarred his face or added a tattoo. A missing ear is too easy to hide with a hat or scarf, especially in a cold Genoa City winter. Villains have a way of coming back. I got the distinct impression, as Peter Bergman spoke in an ever so slight accent, that the actor was enjoying playing the bad guy -- instead of the nice guy who finishes last -- for a change. A few times, he was so scary and creepy that I totally forgot he was Jack. So despite the unbelievable storyline, I heartily give Peter Bergman high marks for playing both parts so believably. Neil's revenge reminds me of an Alfred Hitchcock film -- Suspicion, starring Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine comes to mind. Hitchcock is still the reigning master of atmospheric suspense, and his films can still make us cower under the covers without ever depicting actual blood and gore. I got chilblains as Neil closed in on Hilary with the video footage of Devon and the hooker. What happened to Hilary after she left Neil, or did she leave? Only time will tell the story.

We heard a scream. We know Devon is telling the truth, but no one is going to believe him. Poor billionaire. Unlike most moguls who travel with security teams and entourages so that they won't get kidnapped or accosted by people looking for handouts, Devon and Hilary depended on their everyday personas to keep them safe. If Devon had shelled out a few shekels for security, he would have had an alibi. Now it's going to be difficult to convince anyone that he did not push Hilary off that cliff.

I'm guessing that Nikki will eventually reclaim Neil from the dark side, and he will once again be strong with the milk of human kindness, probably just about the time that Mishael Morgan returns from maternity leave. Hey, older viewers, didn't Neil's wife Drucilla go over a cliff after a struggle with Phyllis, or was it Sharon? And what about Neil's brother, Malcolm? Didn't he disappear over cliff or a waterfall also? I'm sensing a pattern here. I would advise anyone related to Neil to stay away from cliffs. On the shallow side, I think I'm more attracted to Neil as this slightly sinister Cary Grant-ish persona than I am to the "Goody Two Shoes" version.

We are now facing the dregs of summer, and we can reasonably expect 1) the pace to slow, 2) more flashbacks, and 3) each day's episode to start with the last scenes from the previous day -- all three taken together are the soap equivalent of reruns. (I recently skipped two weeks of my other soap and couldn't even tell, that's how slow it is!)

Please join us at Crimson Lights for the next Soapaholics Not-so-Anonymous meeting. The topic will be, "Our imaginary friends: if we poke them, do they not bleed?" Until then, fellow fan addicts, take care and remember to keep your tongue planted firmly in cheek! I know I will.

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