The children of Genoa City

It certainly appears Noah is about to step into that magical machine, the dreaded Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome capsule.

And no I don't mean Noah, Summer or Fen! Instead, as many of you may have already surmised, the bickering boys and girls I refer to are much, much older than those three innocent tots. As for the real youngsters, it certainly appears Noah is about to step into that magical machine, you know the one I mean, the dreaded SORAS capsule. For those who might be unfamiliar with those initials, they stand for Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome. In Noah's case, the SORAS-ing contraption may be located in an out of the way cabin at Summer Camp. And we likely won't know till camp pick-up day, just how many years in the future his dial was tuned to. For Summer and Fen, their growth spurt has obviously already taken place. The tunnel leading to their miniature SORAS machines must have materialized in their closets one night. I guess that's one way to breeze right through that potty training period.

But back to GC's Depend-wearing dames and mates. While just about every voting age adult in the City has regressed to a childish state during one crisis or another, there are some who have behaved particularly abominably this past week. For instance, last column's witch on wheels, one Jill Foster Chancellor Abbott Abbott Chancellor. Yes, I know, there are more boxcars to add to Jill's little engine of marital matchups, but I'm way too lazy to pore over her Who's Who section to track them all down or to even get them in the right order. Suffice it to say, her crimson caboose has careened around the twisting track of love more than once.

Maybe there was a SORAS machine Jill got trapped in recently. One that somehow short-circuited and sent her hurtling backward, to right about high school, perhaps. Or before. The infantile way she's been acting, I wouldn't have been a bit surprised to see her stick her thumbs in her ear, waggle her fingers and start chanting Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah at Gloria. Jill has proven that not only isn't she likely to reach a hand down to help a fallen fellow Genoa Citian to his or her feet, if your name is unlucky enough to hold the top spot on her hate list, she will knock you down, then press a foot on your posterior to ensure you stay there. It wasn't enough to have Gloria's non-reporting to work carcass escorted from her dust-covered Jabot office. Nor was she satisfied with showing up at Crimson to heckle her with catty comments. And standing guard at both Chancellor door and phone barring Glo from Jeffrey still didn't quench her raging thirst for vengeance. But she got a little bit more than she probably bargained for when she spotted Gloria toiling in retail and summoned Jeffrey to poke Gloria one more time with her pitchfork. What she got was a lap full of hot coffee. Unfortunately she was clad in a $2,000 Fenmore blouse that hadn't yet been paid for. Of course in my opinion, though it would likely have landed Gloria in the pokey, a claws unsheathed catfight was definitely in order for Jill's at that point. Jill needs to chill. Because at 50 plus, playing such childish games while puffing out her chest and preening like a peacock make Jill look more than a little foolish. Especially since everyone but her realizes she's simply a stand-in for the woman who really holds the key to Jeffrey's scheming heart. I'm so with you, fan Shannon (below). Desperation is not a becoming look for Jill. Boy, is she ever going to feel the fool when Jeffrey dumps her and trots back to his one true love. And we know we can count on Katherine to be standing nearby, her salt shaker poised to pour a measure into Jill's open wounds. I guess you have also figured out I'll likely be the fan laughing the loudest at Jill's expense. And by the way, while I have nothing against love for the over 21 adults, tying Jeffrey to the chair with that silk scarf and climbing aboard, was a visual I could have contentedly done without.

Ditto on the could have done without when it came to yet another chorus of Victoria's mournful why don't Daddy love me no more whine. I am so with you fan Toni below. Let's both send Vicky a pair of big girl bloomers. I swear, that woman is acting as if Sabrina stole away her man instead of fell hard for her Daddy. It's time for her to dry her eyes, blow her snotty nose and suck it up! Instead of all that maudlin moping about she ought to tend to her beloved boy. A boy only trotted out for the occasional momentous moment these days. And am I the only one who noticed that for a baby she claims she's wanted since practically one moment after losing Eve, more often not he's nestled in J.T.'s doting arms instead of hers? I guess she needs both her hands for wringing purposes. Put Victoria in line right behind Jill to enter a correctly calibrated SORAS machine.

And while a line for childish behavior is forming, might as well tell Nick to sidle up immediately behind his sobbing sister. Nick has always been a hotheaded, fly off the handle kind of fellow, and partnering up with Jack hasn't noticeably altered that tendency. In fact, the RSM's founders' initial arms-linked four against the world management style has quickly given way to a one-upmanship chain of command. While the gentlemen make willy-nilly unilateral decisions, beating their chests while simultaneously insisting each is the Tarzan in charge, their two Janes stand helplessly on the sidelines, only stepping up when necessary to support their respective man. Can any business, especially a brand spanking new one, possibly survive this kind of daily conflict? I guess we will certainly see if Victor one day gets to utter that most dreaded of phrases: I told you so, son.

Which brings me to Nikki. Another Genoa City woman unwittingly being cast in the role of the fool. Perhaps if Nikki paid as much attention to the constant calls coming into her bowing and scraping spouse's cell phone as she does to how Victor is allegedly ill-treating the 'children', she might catch a clue as to the true character of her gold-digging new husband. What exactly does she expect Victor to do to place himself back into the good graces of his critical children? Crawl on hands and knees and beg their pardon? In my opinion, he's made overture after overture and still his children turn up their snooty little snouts and self-righteously pronounce proper penance has not been paid. Nikki, like her children, is a fine one to point a critical finger at Victor's fatherhood faults or bad mate traits. By the way, at the Newman family get together, was I the only fan shouting. Hey, it's Father's Day, Nikki, not overbearing, interfering Ma Day. Oh, and another thing, Nick might want to dim down the beam of his superiority. Sure, he's been a decent father to Noah. Except for the period when he put thousands of miles between himself and his mourning his sister son in order to indulge his own angry and vengeful needs. We won't even get into his multiple missteps outside his marital boundaries. As for Nikki and her snippy remarks about the reckoning ahead in Sabrina's future with Victor, she might as well have held up a mirror and told those exact words to her own smug likeness. Because I'm sure she will be just as horrified as she predicts Sabrina will be, when the dense veils of denial fall from her eyes and she gets a gander at the creature she's wed herself to.

Because addiction aside, David can't possibly be a nice man. After all, what kind of real man urges his wife to cut her own daughter off under the guise of protecting her assets when he knows he's only going to do the same thing the daughter has planned. Fritter it away on an addiction? The elders used to say between a liar and a thief, a liar was the worst because though a thief will steal your belongings, a liar's words can steal your life. And David lies so fluently, without so much as a telltale twitch of the eye, it's impossible to sort out truth from tall tale. David is obviously well practiced in the method of covering your bottom because he had it down almost to the second the right time to recite his tall tale before Paul could tell it for him. Even without the lies, given his propensity to make sure his covered wagon is always hitched to the horses of a needy, moneyed madam is a sure sign there's a serious deficit in his character column.

Even though Victoria was a wee bit weepy and still treated Sabrina as if she was near invisible, it was a nice and tender scene between Victor and Victoria, even with the multiple hugs exchanged every other minute or so. And at least Nick and Victor were able to have a two sentence conversation that was at least civil for a change.

Nice, too, were the moments between Victor and Adam and their short stroll down memory lane. Now that Adam has shed a good portion of his porcupine prickly exterior, I'm really starting to like him. All animosity between him and Sabrina has disappeared and he and Heather together continue to be fresh and adorable. He's fast becoming one of my favs, both alone and with the rest of GC. Now that he's become so likable, I hope it doesn't mean we're going to discover he had sinister ulterior motives for coming to Genoa City after all. That would be so disappointing. I don't want to see any character change that would make Victoria, Nick and Nikki right about him. Not to mention what it would do to the fun and healthy relationship between him and Heather.

Okay, I don't mind Victor and Sabrina's relationship, despite the huge age gap, but have you ever seen such a kissy-kissy couple? I swear these two press their mouths together constantly. They must have to keep their lips coated with Carmex! It seems as if they have already kissed more in their brief relationship than Victor did in his long and multiple courtships and marriages with Nikki. Maybe it's just me, but that seems totally out of character for Victor. Remember him and those many kisses to Nikki's forehead?

Sabrina is pregnant!! What!? When I heard those words, I know I wasn't the only fan staring at the screen in stupefied disbelief when that two word confessional sentence dropped into the pregnant silence (pun totally intended). So when did Victor reverse that vasectomy we heard so much about? Since he was considerably less surprised than I know all us fans were, obviously, he didn't believe the impending event was due to immaculate conception. An obvious re-write of history ahead, but hopefully it's one that will be explained in at least a halfway believable manner.

Gloria continues to do more damage to herself than any enemy in Genoa City possibly could. Kevin's business survived Gloria only by the narrowest of margins, and after only a few hours helping Lauren hawk her overpriced stock, she's probably cost Lauren her profits for a week. It's a good think Jeff is in love with her and will likely soon take her back because the only thing Gloria really seems to have a talent for is spending money. It's hard to believe she was actually able to support herself in Detroit.

Finally, at long last, it appears Michael and Lauren will have a storyline of their own aside from Gloria. It's long past due and I'm looking forward to what I hope will be Michael's search for his father. The week had more than a couple of memorable Michael moments to enjoy. His vulnerability showed clearly as he second guessed his ability to be a good father, but my favorite was his well done scolding of Gloria forbidding her to confess her face cream crime. I love the way he can flip the switch and go from menacing to mild in an eye blink.

Lily and Cane might be blind to Chloe's obvious manipulation (although she should have been clear as glass to Cane after being led down the primrose path by Amber), but Devon's vision is 20-20. I loved watching him call Chloe on her obsession. He's right. That jealous little elf really would throw Lily under the bus to get her out of Cane's life and would probably go even further and hire the bus driver to mow Lily down. Hopefully, Devon won't keep this new information to himself and will make sure Lily sees Chloe for the sneaky little sprite she is.

Is Karen in or out? Once again, Neal is showing his wishy-washy side when it comes to the messing with the love-struck heart of a woman. While in love with Dru, he allowed her sister into his bed one night but by morning had changed his mind and hurriedly shoved her away. Then, believing he'd helped his brother to his death by coveting his bride to be, he tumbled head over heels into a booze bottle and after successfully climbing out, sent the woman who'd stood by him packing. Next, after begging Karen to move her boxes in, wound up cold-shouldering her right back out for refusing to play pretend Grandma. But, after near swearing he'd rather live with her than without her, and enticing her back into his life, he flip flopped once again, essentially pointing her away from GC and toward New York. But apparently feeling forlorn on Father's Day, he suddenly decides he wants her after all. So does this mean, negotiations have come and gone and there will be no Dru, so therefore a love match will be made after all between Karen and Neal. Or, is bringing Karen back the beginning of Dru's return? See below for fan LMichele's storyline idea for a Dru return. I love it! Y&R writers, any chance you're reading along? I'm sure LMichele won't mind if you use it. I agree with her. It could happen.

One last thing unrelated to Genoa City. I'm a Des Moines, Iowa native, and yes I'm smack dab in the middle of the Floods of 08. While I was blessed enough to live well outside the area that flooded, my downtown office building was separated by the rising river by only the width of a street. Being on the top floor meant we had no water or property damage, but the Cajun restaurant below ground wound up with water to the ceiling and we were forced to relocate to temporary space last week. Others, including a very close family friend, lost their home, although they had enough notice to be able to move all their belongings into storage.

Anyway, for all my fellow Iowans and those Midwesterners affected by the Floods, my prayers and thoughts are with you.

And lastly, Happy Father's Day to all the Daddy's out there, as well as to the Mommy's who also wear the Daddy hat.

Okay, I think I've just about covered everything I intended to. Here's what you all thought about GC things.

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LINDA - I have been watching Y&R from the start. I can see Nick is following in Victor's footsteps in the way he relates to women! Do you think he will end up back with Sharon, and Phyllis with Jack? I do not see a complete relationship between Phyllis and Nick. Something is missing. I feel the same way about Sharon and Jack. I still believe they belong with each others' partners. If there is any way to prove Summer is not Nick's daughter, I know these writers' will come up with it. Do you see these two couples changing partners?

SHANNON - Who in the world died and made Jill Jeff's personal bodyguard? Who is she to turn Gloria away from seeing Jeff at the hospital? Jill has appeared very desperate this week; I wasn't feeling her at all. This face cream crap has gone on long enough. Put the Glo-worm in Jail already or just let her slither her way back into Jeff's arms; either way I don't care but make it happen! Daniel, please write Amber back so she can shut up already and shame on Phyllis for trying to push Adrian on Amber. Can't anybody stay committed any more in GC? I'm really hoping for some much needed closure between Victor and the kids. Mrs. Ex Newman is always yapping about him pushing them away but Victoria and Nick are being a bit childish about everything. So it's okay for Nikki to remarry and live lavish but Victor is to be the business hungry titian with no feelings? GMAB!

TONI - I actually love Sabrina and Victor. Hope they have a long and happy marriage. Oh, who am I kidding? It's GC. Victoria still hasn't put on her big girl panties and is still acting like a spoiled little brat. Along with brother Nick it's beginning to look and sound like a kindergarten class I use to teach!

COLLEEN - Sabrina might be pretty, but she sure isn't the shiniest apple in the basket! She wanted Victoria as her matron of honor, so she just skipped down the path to ask her. Then, when Victoria said absolutely not, she gets sad. Think about it, Frenchie. Did the light bulb come on yet?! As for Gloria, I do not now, nor will I ever feel sorry for her. She needs to be tried and sent to prison for the face cream debacle. Then, Sharon can tell Jack, told you so. And I agree with Joan about Amber, annoying. She looked better in the red wig.

CATHERINA - Will someone please buy Jill a vibrator, that woman really needs to relax! I just love, love, love watching Adam and Heather. Before they got together I couldn't care whether Heather stayed or left, but now I'm glad she's there! If we have to listen to Nikki one more time whine about Victor and the children and what he's done to them, I swear I am gonna hurl chunks at my TV. Please can someone tell Nikki that her children are adults, who are nastier to their father than he is to them and they are not innocent little children (they are though adulterers, though, married 2 or 3 times already raising children of their own and capable of making their own decisions) . I love Jack and the way he seems to have evolved into the better man that he his today and is a great stepdad to Noah. By the way please don't let Noah come back from camp an 18 year old! And lastly, just a thought, Victoria couldn't wait to have a baby of her own and now that she's got one no one ever sees it. All she cares about is work; if I had a couple million in the bank and my hubby had a steady job for my daddy, you know I would be home taking care of my miracle baby.

GENE - I'm sick of Jill's pity party and whining about her life when she is living a grand life with money and a high powered job. I wish the writers would look into history and check OLTL and get Jill's cojones back. OLTL's Dorian is killing on the show and she's the Alexis-in-training-mode. I wish the writers would get Jill that bitchy attitude she had back in the day and make her interesting again. I would have Jill wake up one day and start to get at Nikki by paying David's debt, seducing him, have them be caught by Nikki and have Jill throw it in her face. You could see the rivalry between these two and get some fierce fighting that has not happened in a long time. I hope Hogan can get the show back on track so the ratings will go up again and be the old Y&R that is missing.

LMICHELE - Is it true Karen is coming back? And Neil is going to try to make an honest woman out of her? I like Karen and I love her portrayer, Nia Peeples. But who wants to play seconds to a ghost? I miss Dru. I have the perfect story to bring her back and set off some fireworks. Let's say Karen and Neil get married and on their honeymoon go to some island or Paris even. They leave their room for a day of sightseeing and in the room the chambermaid is busy working and notices some photos Neil has left behind of him, Karen and the kids. (I am giddy just thinking of this) Then we see a close up of Dru, who is the chambermaid, but she has no idea it's her family in the pictures. I don't want Neil to see her first; I want Karen to do that. She is the one who keeps in touch with Dru after they leave and eventually convinces her to visit GC. Because Dru doesn't know she is Dru; she thinks her name is Lola or something. She helps reunite Dru with her kids and Neil drops Karen like a bad habit. Karen goes to the athletic club to blow off some steam by kick boxing after having a good cry and kicks Brad in the eye. A week later they can fall in love and Karen helps Brad take down David Chow. Hey, it could happen!

TRAVIS - I am like you. Adam and Heather together are fun to watch. And how did you like the send off for Miguel? Could they not afford to have him come on for even one day to say goodbye? They did do a nice thing in letting Noah have some parting scenes before he took off for summer camp. I am getting more and more bored with the show. The new writing hasn't done anything for me quite yet. But I do enjoy your column!

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As always, I appreciate everyone's comments! Back in a week.