To be or not to be?

Though Victor had to feel like a favorite LP that repeatedly sticks in the very same spot, he repeated the same I love you song he's sung for Nikki many, many times before.

After the blaze begun by Bobby's embrace, a fire so hot I had to beat out the flames licking at my carpet with my sofa pillow, Nikki was so overheated the only one she thought might have a hope of dousing her internal inferno was Victor. Frantic to erase Bobby's taste and touch from her lips and limbs and much too shaken to let her fingers do the walking, Nikki raced to her car and motored to Jabot in search of her missing mate. In the midst of Jack's double talk during which he hurled his usual derogatory darts at the mental image of Victor he keeps ever in the forefront of his mind, he dropped the clue that Nick might be the one to answer her inquiry as to Victor's whereabouts. And off Nikki dashed, back to the ranch where she impatiently burst in without banging first on her daughter-in-law's door. Once the cuddling couple inside had peeled themselves apart and made sense of the babbling words pouring like a bubbling brook from Nikki's mouth, they soon had her pointed in the direction of the airport. It took a confused and flabbergasted Victor a bit of time to understand where his frenzied frau was coming from, but eventually he figured it out. And though he had to feel like a favorite LP that repeatedly sticks in the very same spot, he repeated the same I love you song he's sung for Nikki many, many times before. As a reward for his patience in constantly reiterating his undying devotion, although he had no way of knowing he was a sort of surrogate, he eventually reaped the full harvest sown by Bobby's sizzling seeds. I hope Nikki remains reassured for awhile.

When it comes to Bobby's bride, however, he will likely have to work much harder than Victor to soothe Britt's ruffled feathers and fears. Coming as no surprise to any fan, it's clear the Chicago move is not going to happen exactly as planned. As it turned out, it wasn't anticipation over the next day's move that kept Britt tossing and turning sleeplessly the night before, but the cryptic words hurled by J.T. about her untrustworthy spouse. Despite Bobby's recent assurance he'd be crazy to cheat on his young and beautiful bride, scant hours later Brit discovered he'd sort of done exactly that, thanks to J.T., who with just a wee bit of coercing, verbally painted for Britt the shocking picture seared on his retinas of the mutually groping embrace. Not surprisingly, Brit was not the least elated to learn their benefactress' generosity included a lot more than free and liberal use of the premises. For at least one of the Marsino's, that open door policy obviously extended to free and liberal use of the accommodating hostess as well.

Since Britt's never been known as a woman who would bite her tongue till it bled while she sulked in sullen silence, she wasted no time bearding the blonde lioness in the middle of her opulent den, accusing her of setting a luxury-lined trap for her Marsino prey. Perhaps because some of Brittany's furious jabs hit a little too close to the mark of truth, a somewhat diplomatic Nikki mostly held her tongue, allowing the insecure Marsino infant to believe the encounter was more her fault than Bobby's.

But before things could get too far out of hand, mere minutes into her enraged tirade, a second non-surprise took place. Britt suddenly doubled over in pain, grasping her cramping belly. This baby-endangering event was predicted by many fans with the expectation that the Missus would lose the Marsino heir. I was not one of them. Because I think Bob and Britt are the most mismatched, unpalatable pair in Genoa City, I was one of the fans who was 99.9% certain the marriage would never materialize, but I was wrong. Obviously those in charge are determined to continue forcing these two together down our collective throats, so I have no hope that baby won't eventually make them three. Of course, if it does happen that way, that's for much later. For now, I'm sure Brittany will arrange her face in that unattractive pout and proceed to punish Bobby indefinitely for his immoral trespass across Nikki ground. I can barely suppress my yawn of boredom just at the thought of it.

By the way, was I the only fan pointing a digit of derision at the Marsino's bustling busily around, building their teetering tower of cardboard boxes? Britt said she'd been working all night. So just what the heck were they packing up anyway? How much stuff could they have had stuffed in the Newman guest room dressers and closets? And who else laughed like a hyena when Bobby insisted there was much more to the Marsino marriage than sex? If that's a fact, I wish someone would please let me in on what else there could possibly be? Because I wracked my poor pea brain and couldn't come up with a blessed thing. They certainly don't have friends, favorite foods or preferred party places in common. And one final poke of fun at their expense. Did anyone else think Bobby looked exactly like some dour, disapproving Daddy whose daughter's date had lingered past the deadline when eyeing Britt and J.T.'s fond not so final farewell?

And finally, just because Nikki has temporarily reconnected with Victor doesn't necessarily mean it's the end of the attraction between her and Bobby. I doubt either will be able to dismiss from their memories what could have occurred. And after Sharon stumbled upon that longing look Bobby aimed at Nikki's photographed likeness, Brittany won't be the only blonde wondering if the two pals could wind up much more than simply close and caring friends.

Okay, on to other matters. Over at the Abbotts, it's getting a little hot in the kitchen and it remains to be seen whether the Abbott siblings will be able to stand the heat or have to get the heck out of the house.

Proving she's nowhere near as clueless and empty-headed as her original portrayer used to make her appear, Gloria's not relying on John's love alone to buy her a future free ride on the Abbott Express. She hoped to solidify her position by filling her days with duties at Jabot. At first John poo-poohed her occupational plans, but after one more episode of mealtime malevolence from his squatter seeds, err, children, toward his wife, he reversed himself and announced she'd be working side by side with him, unsalaried, for now, but that would be expected to change. I guess Jack should have been more careful about what he wished for when he taunted Gloria to "get a job." John has apparently forgotten what one ex-wife wound up with when their marital union fell apart. With his ownership of Jabot literally cut in half, John can ill afford to lose any more percentages.

While I am thoroughly enjoying watching Gloria repeatedly best the Abbotts at their real life Monopoly game, equally enjoyable will be the look on her face when her past literally comes back to haunt her. Wouldn't it be a hoot to discover that the dame is a bigamist because she and Terrible Tom were never actually divorced? By the way, it must be nice seeing the world through Gloria's warped orbs. How can she possibly think she's being the best Mom she can be when her sons are still a secret? She's denying them now, just as she did years ago when she refused to lift a claw to stop Terrible Tom's torment. And I couldn't stop my snort of disbelief at her announcement that she didn't believe in keeping secrets from her husband. Obviously, she didn't mean the two biggest secrets she's remaining mum about. Her sons.

So for the moment, Gloria has proven to be more than a match for the Abbott kids. But Jackrabbit and Ashcan are nothing if not persistent. Apparently feeling there is a greater chance for success in numbers, or hoping that more will make it much merrier, they have enlisted Brad's to help them expose Gloria's sinister roots.

When he's not busying himself helping his sister erect roadblocks to Gloria's inheritance, Jack will be spending the rest of his time returning Jabot to solvency. But it's doubtful his plans will stop there. Because with Jack no matter which roundabout route he chooses to travel, he always ends up in the very same place. Face to face with Victor. Although he constantly cries to the Heavens that all he wants is a Victor-free life, his actions always speak louder than his bragging words. It's not clear yet how he plans to ensure Victor remains the bane of his existence, but it will undoubtedly involve CI. Since his nefarious plots almost always involve a Newman, and the dew has long since left the rose when it comes to both Nick and Nikki, I'm making a wild guess that it could involve Victoria. If Nick is intent on keeping Victoria out of the family firm, she might very well be the next Newman Jack will try to lure onto his side of the yard. Jack's use of Victoria could have a two fold effect: be a fist in Victor's face and also once again pit Newman father and son against each other.

But whatever his plans, I don't expect it will all be smooth sailing for Jack, even with the full power and might of CI behind him. Because in Brad, Jack's got a venomous viper in the Jabot nest. Ashley and John might be able to gargle and wash away the bad taste left by Jack's scheme, but Brad, unwilling to forgive and forget how easily Jack pulled the wool over his eyes, is only pretending to be a team player. He probably won't be satisfied until he's thrashed Jack at this corporate game. And Jill, no illusions left when it comes to Jack, will probably be only too eager to toss her unemployed lot in with Brad's.

Moving on to the remaining family on the crooked tree, although the Winters' patriarch has been released from hospital captivity and returned to Wonderland, life hasn't yet returned to normal. What's old news to Malcolm and Dru is still new and disturbing to Lily and has given her a reason to harbor resentment against a parent. It will probably be quite some time before Dru can do anything right in Lily's critical eyes, though I don't imagine Dru will put up with much more of her insolent attitude.

I'm not sure what Malcolm hoped would happen once he'd satisfied his insatiable curiosity and found out once and for all just who was the Daddy. But his expressed bewilderment at Lily's loss of love for him left me perplexed as well. He says he just can't believe what his return to GC has lead to. Well I say, pop that man upside his corn-rowed cranium with the stupid stick. What exactly did he expect would happen when he demanded a DNA?

But for now Malcolm has decided to take the noble route and stay silent on the Daddy news. With Lily no longer enamored of him, I expect time will hang heavily on his hands. Which won't be good news for Damon since all that free time will leave him with plenty of hours to resume his relationship with Adrienne.

Temporarily shelving the problem of how best to deal with Lily's contempt for all things Uncle, and some things Mom, Dru planned a festive gathering to lighten the melancholy air permeating the place. A belated birthday bash for Devon. All of Lily's, I mean, Devon's pals were present to help the parentless lad feel loved and wanted. But the guest of honor wasn't the only one surprised when he abruptly abandoned his guests and hid himself in his room. At first he was determined to disdain all the Winters had done. Because their constant reassurances notwithstanding, Devon was still certain the day would come when they would walk him to the door, thrust some crumpled Map Quest directions in his hand imprinted with the quickest route to the nearest group home and bid him a hurried adieu. And when that dark day arrived, he didn't want to waste any time packing, so in preparation kept everything he owned neatly stored in a duffel. While I can understand his feelings, given his track record with uncaring foster parents who repeatedly returned him to the pound like a puppy no one wanted, he is after all 17 years old. Which makes him less than 12 months from emancipation. Perhaps the Winters family should set his mind at ease once and for all by formally adopting him and make him an official card carrying member of their clan.

But until that day arrives, for the moment Neil has managed to convince Devon he is indeed loved. Which could only mean there will soon be a problem of a completely different sort peeking over the family horizon. Judging from the way Devon has been eyeing the slowly forming bond between Daniel and Lily, and because in Genoa City, romance rarely means the companionable two but more often the crowded three, I can't help but wonder whether Daniel will find he has a rival for Lily's spoiled affection in the form of Devon.

I could go on, but this seems like as good a pausing place as any, so fans, I'm turning over the rest of the page to you.

* * * * * * *

BOB (A male perspective) - It's been a long time since I weighed in with comments, so I thought I would pass along a few. Your column is a must read for me every week! I finally figured out where I've seen that wild-eyed look on the current Gloria's face before. It's the same look Gloria Swanson's (Norma Desmond) character had as she descended the staircase in Sunset Boulevard, announcing that she was ready for her closeup! Judging from what you said, I have a feeling that the comic relief sometimes provided by Gloria Abbott is about to turn extremely ugly. Poor John. He always gets the short end of the marriage stick! As a mostly happy married man, I can tell you that if I called my wife and told her [like Victor] I had business and wouldn't be home overnight without a hint of an explanation as to what business or where I would be in case of an emergency, she would have every right to toss me out on my ample keister and make it hurt in the process when I finally returned home! OK let me get this straight. Jill and Jack used Chancellor Industries to take over Jabot without the consent of the owner. Then Jill handcuffed the owner, her mother, to the bed in order to keep her from stopping the deal. And Jill feels SHE'S the one who has been wronged? And finally, one of my favorite topics of Y&R conversation: the missing in action (MIA): Victor Jr., Hope, Wes, Little Nate (who is probably a doctor or lawyer by now), Mac's stepfather Ralph (that's enough for starters). Some of the MIAS are coming back, which is good.

DAWN - I don't believe Malcolm is the father of Lily. I don't know where the mix up is, but the test is wrong.

JEAN - I'm tired of seeing Dru and Phyllis fighting like 12 year olds every time the writers can't think of something new. It does nothing for womens' attitudes for other women. Phyllis is one of the nastiest characters I've seen in along time. She has tried to murder Paul and Chris, and many other things that have just been forgotten. And if they get rid of Bobby, my suspicions are right, that there is someone on the YR that doesn't want a new strong man on the show. One more thing, please. Why is it that no matter what poor Jack does, it's not right in their eyes? He's not that bad, really cares for Nick, his father, and his family. I used to love Ashley, but she is no longer the same person. She is mean spirited, and she never was before. She was nice and treated others fairly. And thank you, for two seconds of some good old fashion passion once again, with Bobby and Nikki. I thought the writers had forgotten that sex is a part of life.

TONI - I just finished reading some of the email sent to you about Two Scoops and I must say I agree with most of them. This whole nonsense with Lily being Malcolm's daughter makes me sick. I really like Shemar Moore's character and I was hoping that he would have a really exciting storyline, but now it's just turned out lame and silly. What a waste! And Phyllis is becoming a big two faced pain. Where does she get off ragging on Dru about Lily's paternity when she did a lot worse with Daniel! Seems hypocritical to me. I really do love Y&R and have watched it for a long time, but lately some of the storylines are just awful. I read where Kevin's father was going to be introduced to the show. That sounds very interesting. To watch how Kevin deals with his abusive father now that he is an adult.

DEBBI - I didn't much care for the last Gloria - but where in the heck did they find this one. The old Gloria wore jeans, was trashy, and now all of a sudden this one is perfectly dressed, designer clothes, heels, it's not even the same character. I cannot wait until the big reveal about Kevin and Michael being her sons and then the subsequent "kicking to the curb." I hope this character's run is coming to an end SOON!!!!

CAROLYN - I just had to write to you and let you know how disgusted I am with Nikki these days! Victor had every chance to turn to Ashley's waiting arms if that is what he wanted to do, but he did not. Yet, Nikki can't get enough time and attention from Victor, and what does she do? She throws herself at Bobby Marsino and smooches him? I've rooted for Nikki and Victor for a long time, but after Nikki's latest actions, if Victor walked out on her, I wouldn't shed a tear. Now, that being said, I DO NOT want Victor with Ashley! Yes, Victor is a workaholic, but if I were Nikki, I'd rather have him working too much and still coming back to my bed than in the arms of another woman! Think about that, Nikki! Also, in re: Phyllis' meddling ways, I DO agree that Phyllis should spend more time raising her teenage son than she does sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. However, I think Dru is getting some just dessert, as she did stick her nose in where it did not belong in re: Ashley's baby daddy secret. Note to Dru: be careful...the actions you take against others might just come back to haunt you one day!

JAY - Instead of all of the whining, Nikki should REALLY redecorate that sorry excuse of a ranch. Didn't Jack decorate it for Nikki back in the '80's...hence the putrid mauve and teal? Really, I can't believe Victor would move into Jack's present to Nikki and I can't believe someone of that wealth would keep the same decor for so long. I've had AT LEAST 6 DIFFERENT living room sets since the '80's. Maybe she could become an interior decorator and fill her life with swatches instead of over-rated Victor.

TARA - I know I'm usually one for many words, and this week isn't much different...lucky you. So J.T. plays Peepin' Tom and spots Bobby & Nikki grindin' on the Newman couch. He works himself into such a lather that he rushes over to tell Princess what's the 4-1-1.......then wusses out. Loser. Then Bobby comes home to find his preggers better-half packin' boxes (like they had TONS of stuff when they moved into the ranch to begin with......?) and has the nerve to say that Jeffrey Todd doesn't "look at" Brittany like he's her big brother. And THEN he has the audacity to tell Miss Thang a straight-up L-I-E by sayin' he'd never betray her, that he's "committed" to her... Umm, excuse me?!?!?!? Last I saw, Bobby, you were perpetratin' like a Hoover on Nikki's face! Who are you to get all Ike Turner on the situation? For a 60-year-old man who's been married more years than I've been alive, Victor sure is a dumb-@$$. I mean, Nikki's told him over & over & over & over & over, "Hey, I need you to notice me!" If I see him raise his eyebrows in bewilderment and hear him say "I don't know what you're talking about" one more time, I'm gonna call up the Y&R writers myself and beg them not to put such a weenie before me. How clueless can one man be!? And speakin' of Victor, I can't believe Nick was able to manipulate him into going to Detroit. Whatever happened to the old saying "ya can't con a conman"? Is he so dense, he doesn't see that his son is taking advantage of him...? Whatever. I'm generally a Lily fan -- I think she's beautiful, I think she's a great young actress ... but she's been so self-absorbed lately, I want to take Devon home and make him my foster brother! If she could just see past "Lily" for more than 30 seconds, she'd see that her bro needs attention. These characters are becoming so unbelievable, they're testing my gag reflex.