Three deadbeat dads...and a funeral: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of November 18

General Hospital buried Sam McCall (Kelly Monaco) this week, but the fallout from her death is far-reaching. It even brought a woman back to life while setting up a new and fascinating living arrangement among her twin baby daddies — and more drama for Elizabeth (Rebecca Herbst), a woman who, like Sam before her death, is also sick of deadbeat dads.

Saying so long to Sam

Sam shouldn't be dead, but if she has to be, at least GH gave her an incredible send-off that hit all the beats. We still don't know why GH chose to kill the character off in such a permanent way, but at least we have proper closure.

From the first view of the church when Maxie (Kirsten Storms) spoke to a portrait of her old friend to the final moment when Alexis (Nancy Lee Grahn) sat with all three of her girls in the church for the very last time, there wasn't a dry eye among us. The eulogies were spot-on, and people from all different phases of Sam's life in Port Charles had their say.

The only person delivering a speech who likely didn't belong at the podium was Lucky (Jonathan Jackson). He has barely been in Port Charles for years and his affair with Sam didn't exactly end well. All Lucky's words did was remind us that Laura (Genie Francis) was conspicuously missing. In fact, she was conspicuously missing for the whole week, a week in which her presence would have made sense, but we'll get to that later.

Most of the past GH week continued to deal with the fallout from Sam's death and the aftermath of her emotional funeral.

Deadbeat dad number one steps up

Three notable deadbeat dads in Port Charles were featured last month right in this column. However, one of those deadbeats is at least trying harder than the others and wasn't a deadbeat by choice for years. When Jason (Steve Burton) and Sam first brought Danny (Asher Antonyzyn) home, they expected to raise him together, but Jason was shot and shoved into the river the same night, leaving him presumed dead.

By the time the real Jason returned five years later, he learned he had a twin brother named Drew (Cameron Mathison) who had plastic surgery, so he didn't look like Jason anymore. He even had Jason's memories and his life. Sam thought Drew was Jason, married him, and had his child. Eventually, Sam dumped Drew and chose the Jason she married the first time. But now she had twin brothers as baby daddies, and those twin brothers are in for the fight of their lives today.

Jason and Drew later alternated presumed deaths for a few years, with Sam deciding life was much more pleasant and much less complicated with Dante (Dominic Zamprogna). But Jason wants his son, and his son wants him. Now a teenager, Danny longs for his dad — and that wasn't more apparent than in the scenes they shared at the cemetery after Sam's funeral.

Since Jason's last return from the dead earlier this year, Danny has wanted to have a relationship with Jason. However, Danny had no problem calling out his dad for decking Uncle Drew, especially since it affected Scout. Sam had her own concerns over a man who had put Danny in danger multiple times and a man who chose to play dead for Carly's (Laura Wright) sake rather than be with his son, but at least Jason spent the week trying to remain sensible. Now, about that other deadbeat dad.

Deadbeat Drew is too much trouble

It turned out that before Sam learned that Drew was a deadbeat, she asked him to raise Danny and Scout together in the unlikely event of her death. He agreed, but that was before she knew Jason was alive — and before Drew decided Scout didn't need him anyway, so he threw himself on his sword and went to jail so Carly wouldn't. Sam was absolutely furious with Drew. She wasn't too thrilled when a newly released Drew wanted to send Scout to boarding school rather than spend time with her.

After Alexis dug up Sam's will, she discovered Sam's wish to keep her children together — with Drew being the glue. Knowing that his brother is a philandering, lying, cheating congressman who had sex with his nephew's wife on the playroom floor the night Sam died, Jason was not about to let Drew raise his son.

Manipulative creep that he is, Drew had no problem letting Alexis believe Jason was a violent criminal who clocked him for no reason rather than telling her he is nothing but a louse who is giving half the town a reason to take a swing.

Funeral seating arrangements

While Jason spent the week wanting to do right by his son and Drew just wants to make sure Jason doesn't win, the man who deserves all three kids continues to show why he is the man Sam couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with.

Why weren't Jason and Drew with their respective kids as they sat in a church to say goodbye to their mother? Jason was in his usual spot by Sonny (Maurice Benard) and Carly's side, and Drew sat with Nina (Cynthia Watros), the mother of the niece-in-law he had sex with on the playroom floor a few nights prior. And Dante? Like the proper parent he is, he sat with all three kids that he and Sam were raising.

As Rocco (Finn Carr) said when he took to the podium at the funeral, Sam gave him a brother and sister in Danny and Scout (Cosette Abinante). It was clear at that moment that all three kids needed to remain together. Who better to make sure that happens than Dante, the only steady fatherly force they have ever had in their lives? Even Jason realizes that, bringing us to one of the week's two miracles.

Jason Quartermaine is coming home

It's been almost 30 years since Jason has been willing to live in Monica's (Leslie Charleson) house, aka his mother's house, but now the miracle Monica has been waiting for since the 1990s is here.

My Three Dads is coming to Port Charles as Jason, Dante, and Drew will all be living in the Q mansion. How absolutely delightful. Who cares if the Quartermaine estate is now where the majority of Port Charles residents now live? The more, the merrier with this zany family. Tracy (Jane Elliot), make some room at the inn: Alan's wayward son is moving back home.

Jason, Dante, and Sam's kids might not be the only new residents at Club Quartermaine. Sam's liver might be moving in, as well. That brings us to the second miracle of the week. And oh, what a miracle it was, defying medical science.

Lulu's great awakening is the miracle nobody expected (or knows about)

Sam's liver must be the most amazing liver in the history of livers. It woke Lulu (Alexa Havins) out of a four-year coma within days and even gave her magical muscles. In a bed and not moving an inch for the last several years? Meh. Lulu woke from a nap, lifted her arm, rubbed her eyes, and later stood up!!! Say what now?!?!?!

Lulu's muscles should have been atrophied, but she acted like she just had a case of pins and needles she needed to rub out before going on a stroll. How is this even possible?

Where was Lulu's ventilator? Where was her feeding tube? How was she nourished over the last four years? How did she just get out of bed with nobody noticing her vitals had changed? What kind of crackpot operation is Turning Wood anyway?

And where is Laura? She was conspicuously missing from Lulu's bedside — and Sam's funeral. Was Lucky there to represent the family of the woman who sacrificed her life to save Laura's daughter? Was Lucky really the right person to send, considering his own issues?

Yes, that other deadbeat dad

At least during some of the time that Jason and Drew couldn't be dads to Danny and Scout, they were presumed dead. What's Lucky's excuse for not seeing Aiden for years on end? Heck, he barely communicated with his teenage son for the last few years. Aiden, being the kind and gentle soul that he is, has forgiven his dad. We wish he hadn't.

How much longer do we need to see Lucky moping around Port Charles asking everyone if he should stay or not? Elizabeth gave him an answer he didn't want to hear. Sonny was no help. Nobody is condoning Lucky's restless, deadbeat soul so Lucky has done nothing but sulk some more.

Make up your mind, Lucky. Either stay or go. We are just sick of hearing about Lucky's desire to do good when he's never done anything good for the only kid he has. If he does stay, we hope Elizabeth remembers how horribly Lucky has treated her for the last 25 years because she has enough trouble coming up in her life.

Don't pin this on Elizabeth

Does GH want to start some serious fan wars again? Sam fans and Elizabeth fans have been battling it out for decades, and now Elizabeth is about to be blamed for Sam's death. Clearly, Elizabeth wasn't at fault, and foul play was involved, but for the moment, it will be Liz who is under fire, and that's a big no-no.

However, GH could decide this is a perfect setup for Liz and Jason to spend more time together and grow closer, right? Or can we not have nice things?

Around Port Charles

Suddenly, Kristina's (Kate Mansi) baby is Molly's (Kristen Vaganos) baby. Out of nowhere. Selfish Kristina got Molly on her side by using the words "our daughter." That was enough to reunite the sisters for a common cause, but Kristina is still the queen of me, me, me. After Sam's funeral, Kristina could only talk about Kristina. It didn't matter who she was with, her life and her thirst for revenge came first. We can't wait to see Kristina come to the realization that she fell out that window because she couldn't control her temper or her feet.

Kristina's brother is taking the chicken way out again. Michael (Chad Duell) just can't bring himself to confront his wife for cheating cause then he'd have to confess that he also cheated. Of course, his cheating was prompted by Willow's (Katelyn MacMullen) semi-cheating, so Willow is still the one who was more in the wrong here. What is a man to do? Go to another man and plot, as if there is any other choice.

Curtis is the latest PC resident to learn that Drew is not the man he's cracked up to be. In fact, he is nothing more than a billionaire politician involved in a sex scandal. Michael — and Curtis — hit that deadbeat dad where it hurts: right in the pocketbook. At least Michael's cheating might result in a dividend. Sasha (Sofia Mattsson) sure hopes so...

Till next week, GH fans. Expect some turkey...and some pizza.