My life without me

Imagine your life without you in it. Imagine if you were surrounded by people who claimed to be family and friends, but you had absolutely no recollection of them.

Imagine your life without you in it. Imagine if you were surrounded by people who claimed to be family and friends, but you had absolutely no recollection of them. No idea whom to trust and whom not to trust. No "safe place." No childhood memories. No 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, no 8th Grade Dance, no zit on picture day, no first kiss, no parents, or lovers, no "what might have beens." Imagine starting your life over right now, with a blank slate. Nikolas discovered his identity this week and realized all the 'memories' Mary fed him were utter and absolute lies, which left him back at square 1 - not knowing anything at all about his own life. Isn't that the saddest thing? Our memories define us in some ways - without knowing our past, our present has no meaning and our future has no lure. We wouldn't know our goals or our dreams; we wouldn't even know which direction to move in.

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Nikolas has flashes of memory, moments when his past is just an inch out of reach, but nothing solid to hold onto - just pieces of a puzzle that don't seem to connect to anything, no picture on a box lid that he can even work toward. The scenes this week when he expressed his rage and betrayal were just phenomenal. Everyone in those scenes was sizzling and present. Ever hear the John Lennon line "Be here now."? They were all there, in the moment fully, and it was visible. Catherine Wadkins (Mary) is such a soulful performer. Even though her character is nuts, you can't help but be mesmerized by her insanity. Her vulnerability sucks me in, and even though I can say rationally in my head "That character is psycho" I find myself crying when she is crying - sure she is nuts, but I find she can make me feel what Mary is feeling - great performances this week all around. Tyler Christopher sizzled in every scene he had this week with Emily, Mary, Lucky, Lorenzo, Jason, Helena, etc. he was brilliant. If he doesn't end up with an Emmy nod this year, it will be a great injustice.

Most selfish person of the week? Lucky. "Hey bro, since you can't remember who you are and you can't remember Emily....um... can *I* have her?" With brothers like that, I'm glad I'm an only child.

I wish Maxie Jones was an only child, because Georgie, whom I used to really enjoy, has turned into a pouting insecure little twit. Hey Georgie, Dillon doesn't want to have sex with you because you're a nuisance! Insecurity is NOT a turn on. The day she warned LOIS to stay away from Dillon, I knew it was a "jump the shark" moment for her character. I mean have they really run out of things for the girl to do, and now she is only good for sitting around moping about her love life? Too bad Dillon and Brook Lynn are cousins, as they have great chemistry together. And, while we are on Brooke's family, Ned and Lois reading her journal and snagging one of her songs was way over the line. I would highly recommend a book to the Ashton/Cerullo parents, it's called BOUNDARIES. Being someone's parent does not mean you get to bulldoze your way into their private thoughts. Shame, on you Ned and Lois.

As to other parents, as I recall, when Liz was last in town, she was a waitress at Kelly's. Now, she is seemingly unemployed, and we see "Gram" still wandering around the halls of the hospital from time to time, so I must ask while Liz is hanging at Kelly's with Lucky and Em, where is Baby Melon-Head? She can't afford a nanny unless Ric is footing the bill. Hopefully she hasn't left him out in the car in Kelly's parking lot.

I am actually surprised that Faith isn't buried under Kelly's parking lot by now. I mean, let's be honest, how much of a threat is her big blackmail? So, she wrote a letter. A bog mob boss like Sonny should be able to knock her off, and the messenger she sent with her single copy handwritten letter. It's not as if she did it on a computer and made copies and had back-ups in a safe deposit box. She wrote it on paper with a pen and all Sonny would have to do was keep Faith's goon from delivering it to Carly. Or, even better - TELL HER THE TRUTH. Funny thing, all of you who jumped to Liz's defense last week saying she did the right thing by telling the truth Lucky about Nik, will be equally defensive that Sonny and Jason and Sam should all keep lying to Carly. So which is it? Lies or truth? Which one do you stand for?

Sam obviously stands for lies - she lies pretty much all the time, to everyone. She lied to Jax when she was with him, and now she lies to Sonny and Jason and anyone else who stumbles across her path. Supposedly the new person on the other end of her secret phone calls is her brother. Maybe he held the matches while she poured the gas? That whole "Oops I didn't mean to set the fire" thing just doesn't ring true to me. But, hey - I'm naturally suspicious of people who LIE all the time.

OTOH Lorenzo lies all the time, too - and I somehow find him a much more honorable person, though I can't explain why. I just like him. Period. I want him to find love, and I want him to be happy. I suspect that as soon as Carly finds out about Sam's baby being Sonny's that she will run back to Lorenzo, but - it could be too late. Some sparks have been flying between Lois and Lorenzo, and since their names both start with L, like Luke and Laura and Liz and Lucky (yes, they are going to re-connect, too) they have the L-Aura going for them.

Heather Weber's aura is that of a serial killer, but Leslie doesn't seem to notice, and the town seems to have forgotten Heather's past crimes. Luckily for them, I haven't. So I can yell things out to the TV when people interact with her - like "Run Leslie Lu - your babysitter is a sociopath!"

Sweet scene of the week belongs to Jax and Courtney - imagining either of them fishing was funny to begin with, but seeing Jax's one small pitiful fish, and Courtney's spill into the river made me smile.

What will tomorrow hold, dear readers? Will Georgie do her cousin since Dillon isn't interested? Will Sam torch the safe house and accidentally burn up Max? Will Jax and Courtney starve to death at the campground, or give in and go to a drive-thru for some Filet-O-Fish sandwiches? Will anyone mention Skye again before her maternity leave is over? Will Nikolas regain his memory and go back to Gia, as she didn't lie to him about his name? Will Lois and Carly have a catfight over Alcazar?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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