“I’d lost my dad” - Vogue Williams in making a ‘mistake’ on morning of wedding

Vogue Williams is reflecting on mourning her father, experiencing cold feet before she married Brian McFadden, and more.

The Irish DJ cum presenter, 39, recently published her memoir, Big Mouth, which chronicles her battles with anxiety, her parents' divorce, and the demise of her father, Freddie. The latter succumbed to a stroke at the age of 68, after he underwent surgery to extract an aneurysm.

Speaking with the Irish Independent, Vogue Williams reflected on her "hasty" decision to shift to Australia because she needed to "get away from the sadness in Dublin." The My Therapist Ghosted Me presenter said:

"I’d lost my dad. And I was in a not great relationship that kind of imploded not long after it… And I saw this path where I could just go, and not have people come up to me and say, 'I’m really sorry, I’m really sorry.'"

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Vogue Williams talks marriage, alcoholism, and more: Read more

In the same interview with the outlet, Vogue Williams went on:

"I know people are trying to be nice, but you just kind of want to hide from it a little bit. I think it took me a long time to actually grieve and deal with it,"she explained.

The Never Live it Down podcaster tied the knot with the Westlife singer, 45, in 2012 in a ceremony hosted in Florence, Italy. However, in three years, they parted ways. Williams later married Made in Chelsea star Spencer Matthews in 2018.

According to The Independent, she reflected on her past mistakes in a segment of her memoir, where she admitted that McFadden wasn’t “marriage material," though he was “good fun to be around.":

"The morning of the wedding I felt very stressed and so anxious because deep down I knew I had made a mistake," she explained. "After the wedding I tried to make things work."

Williams added:

"The relationship wasn’t all terrible, we did have some great times too, and for the most part he was good fun to be around. But he was not husband material. It was me who called it in the end. I couldn’t keep trying, it felt pointless… I’m not here to throw anyone under the bus busomere thinat went on in our relationship that will never be forgiven."

According to the Metro, Vogue Williams also reflected on her late father's struggles with sobriety, though she hesitated to use the word "alcoholic" to describe him due to her current husband's past issues with alcohol:

"I prefer to say “liked to drink.” I think alcoholic — and maybe this is because of Spenny as well, the way he feels about it — I think it’s a bit of a negative word. I don’t know, it just seems a bit harsh. I think a nicer way of putting it is like “You’re a bit fond of the drink.” "And people are fond of the drink in different ways. My dad wasn’t waking up and drinking in the morning, but he was certainly drinking every day, and I don’t think that it’s very good for anyone’s life to be to be drinking that much."

Just earlier this week, Vogue Williams spoke with Bryony Gordon on her The Life of Bryony podcast, when she conceded to feeling like her “life was over” after her separation from McFadden:

"I remember being divorced at 31 and thinking, I've ruined my life. I am never going to have kids, I am never going to do what I always wanted to do,” she said. “Then you see how your life actually starts to unfold – that's why it feels exciting to move into your forties."

Vogue Williams now shares three children with Spencer: Theodore, 6, Gigi, 4, and Otto, 3. Just this March, amid rampant rumors that the pair were in trouble, she took to social media to hit back on the claims:

"It’s with great sadness that I have to let you know that Spen and I are NOT breaking up!," she penned at the time. "I usually avoid addressing baseless and cruel rumours but this just keeps coming up. It’s disappointing to see this narrative being pushed almost daily when it’s absolutely not true and much more importantly, I don’t want my children hearing these lies in the playground."

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Vogue Williams and Spencer Matthews met on the fourth and final season of The Jump. They dated for a year before the latter proposed, and by June 2018, they tied the knot in a lavish ceremony in Scotland. They followed it up with a second wedding in London the next year.