Do you want to know a secret?

Whoa oh, oh! Salem is no slouch when it comes to secrets, and last week was full of doozies. Paul couldn't keep his hands to himself when he saw Sonny. Melanie is keeping something from her loved ones. And Jordan found out what Kate kept to herself. Get all the juicy details in this week's Two Scoops (just don't tell anyone)!

Well, Paul must really love coffee! Did you see how grateful he was when Li'l Kiriakis showed up to restock the counter at the hospital? He was so grateful, he planted a lingering kiss on Seor Sonny. Hey yo, guess who's not entirely straight. #sorryTheresa

In the interest of full disclosure, I kind of had a feeling about Paul. He was a bit too much. By "much" I mean completely cheesy, slightly sleazy, and overplaying his ladies' man persona. I like this twist. I like it a lot. Specifically, I like that it gives us a glimpse into Sonny's pre-Salem life (assuming Paul is one of the exes Sonny has briefly mentioned). I guess Sonny was climbing more than Kilimanjaro while traveling the globe, amIright? Moving on...

This lip-lock twist also did something that surprised me. I'm actually curious to know more about Paul now. He's not such a one-note toolbox anymore. Is he gay? Is he bisexual? Does he simply like coffee that much? I don't know, but I'm finally curious. Secretly, I also want to see Theresa willingly be his beard. She'd love his money and the attention. Yep, she'd be great in that role -- kind of the Karen Walker to Paul's Jack McFarland, only closeted, of course.

Paul planting one on Sonny wasn't his only shock of the week. Sonny found out that Chad is the new co-CEO of DiMera Enterprises. He found out because he ran with Victor's wink-wink, nudge-nudge and tricked Chad into telling him for himself. Smooth move, Sonny. He wants to keep the peace and is willing to hug it out, but he's not above fighting to protect his loved ones. I've always liked Sonny, but this version is definitely more interesting. It's like without Will around, Sonny is his own character and not just Will's Care Bear of a hubby who's there to nod yes.

Just, um, don't ask Sonny about Will right now. That's sort of a sore subject. You see Big Willy is M.I.A. in L.A. He hasn't reached out to anyone including Sonny or Gabi. In a related note, I enjoyed seeing Rafe in his big brother role again (one of his best looks). He's concerned for Gabi, who isn't doing so well without her chats with Arianna Grace, thanks to Will and his busy schedule. I'm kind of curious as to what's keeping Will so busy. He's never been known to be self-involved. Oh, wait.

Let's move on from "Oh, wait" to "wait a minute!" Melanie's back in Salem, and as much as I adore having Molly Burnett back in the saddle, Melanie needs to dial it down a few ticks. I'm talking about her Dannifer and Abigail cheerleading side as well as her judgmental streak when it comes to Chad. I haven't been his biggest cheerleader since he's been back, but I was on Team Chad when he basically detonated a truth bomb on her. She was judging him, but he's not allowed to judge anyone else. Mmm'k. Way to throw it back, Chad. Well done.

Nevertheless, Melanie is back with a bag full of secrets. Oh, and a bag full of cash. That, too. First, dear Mel, traveler's checks are much safer to journey with. Second, I do wonder where she got that from. It wasn't that long ago that Melanie was an online party girl with a knack for obtaining money in less than legal ways. I don't believe she's resorted to old ways, but I also don't think she just happened by the ATM on her way to the airport, either. So, I'm in, writers. I want to know more about what Mel's been up to. Oh, and I want to see a Melanie/Brady reunion pronto. He needs some good news.

Lastly, Jordan knows that Kate was up to no good and called her on it. Kate's reaction? What-to-the-ever, Jordan. I loved it! It was hysterical. Nothing angers an enemy more than being casually dismissed. However, what angers me is that Kate is willing to let Clyde continue to orbit her fabulous planet.

I may sound like a broken record, but Kate is smarter than to trust Clyde. When he kissed her, I kind of gagged a bit. I know she's been in C.E.O. seats for the past few decades, but she shouldn't forget her Curtis Reed roots. If Clyde doesn't set off a blip on her creepazoid radar, I don't know what will. She needs Sami back for a pajama party and, more importantly, to slap some sense into her. LOOSE ENDS: Hmm. Melanie kept talking about her friend moving to Salem. I'm hoping that friend is Chelsea. I know they weren't besties before, but maybe they met in Europe and patched things up. Fingers are crossed!

Congrats, Maggie! You fought with compassion and won. Am I the only one who found her comment about Nick's death making things easier for Melanie a little flippant for Big Red to say? She's usually the poster girl for sympathy. She's not entirely wrong, but that could have been conveyed with a little more tact. I guess Victor is rubbing off on her a bit.

I think it's time that Ben gets a new job, and I have the perfect one -- he should model for Countess W! If you're keeping score, that was Chad's former job. There would be something poetic about that. And, let's face it, sometimes Ben is better seen than heard.

On a positive note, it was cute that Ben was so touched that Abigail told Jennifer all about him. You could see that meant a lot to him. If only their relationship didn't make me yawn a lot, there would be much more to celebrate. Drats! There goes that positive thing.

Speaking of yawning, Paige told J.J. that she loves him. He loves her, too, but said they need to keep their love a secret from everyone, especially their mothers. I don't know about all of you, but it means the world to me when I profess my love to someone and they reciprocate by saying, "Cool. Just keep your voice down" before shoving me out the door so we're not seen together. Those are the type of moments when you realize dreams really do come true.

Not in love (yet) are Nicole and Dr. Hormone. They're hot for each other. They admit that. Dr. Dan even told Eric. But don't worry. Dr. Dude and Nicole are not going to act on their feelings. Nope. Never. And Nicole will never drink another martini, and Dr. Dan will never wear another puka shell necklace. I know leftovers are popular after Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure if their reheated relationship will be the tastiest thing on the menu. I want something fresher for Nicole.

I absolutely adore that T went to visit Gabi. He's a sweet guy, but sadly suffers from Lucas Horton Syndrome. That is, he never seems to get the girl. Then again, he does have the edge this time. Gabi is like a duck in a barrel. So, if you like them a little cray cray, go get her, T. And, pssst! Thursdays are conjugal visit days at the state pen. You're welcome.

HOT Sonny and Chad have potential to become something fab, and I'm glad that seed has been planted. They're like John Ross and Christopher Ewing on the Dallas revival. Sure, they still have Victor and Stefano in their corners (much like John Ross and Christopher had J.R. and Bobby), but they're also their own characters. They want peace, or seem to want peace, but they're also sitting on a bomb that could explode at any moment. Let's strike a match and watch this one blow, especially if they both call in for reinforcements in the form of Philip and Chelsea on the Kiriakis side and Peter and Kristen on the DiMera one. Um, yes, please!

NOT Okay, writers. I agree with Nicole that "we have to talk" are the worst words to hear almost always. But we have to talk. This Clydemania eating up airtime (and Kate's face) is too much. It's one thing that he's stereotyping his way around Salem, but it's another that he's getting couch time with Marlena while there are characters who can barely get out a sentence before having to go do something super urgent taking them back out of the action (I'm looking at you, Dr. Kayla). I feel like we're in the middle of a setup for something, but they've also been setting up the Jordan storyline for two years now. Time to move this li'l doggy along. LINE OF THE WEEK Chad (to Melanie): "I just became co-CEO of DiMera Enterprises. What's up with you?" #boom!

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK Jordan [heated]: "Don't even try and lie your way out of this, you bitch! You know exactly what you did. You went to Poplar Bluff. You went and told Clyde I was here in Salem. " Kate [nonchalantly]: "Oh, that. Yes, yes. I did do that. I did exactly that."

RANDOM THOUGHTS I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I kind of want to hang out with Theresa and Anne just for a day.

Something tells me Melanie wasn't that upset to see Ben naked. Just saying.

Nice! I like Eric's new apartment. And now that he has an official home, something tells me he'll start getting more visitors.

"Eric's "I'm sorry, do you want a beer?" line to Dr. Dan was hilarious. Well delivered, Greg Vaughan!

Casey Moss is like a one-man gun show in that tank.

I think Paige raided Stevie Nicks's (or Kate's) garage sale.

I wonder how much a full-page ad would be in the Spectator. I want it to read, "Abigail Admits Her Faults! She's not a victim of the evil DiMeras. Let it go, Salem."

I love the little, tender moments on DAYS, and I ate up every second of Roman and Eric's exchange.

Which reminds me, I want a toaster oven.

Just thought of this! I can't wait to see Anne's reaction when she finds out about Paul. Something tells me it will be legendary.

Hmm, Carly is on her way out of the European Union. Could she be going back to Alamainia, or is she going to rescue Bo. I repeat, "Hmm!"

I love knowing that Lucas is hanging out with Sami in LA.

Ding, ding, ding! It's official. The photo of Jack in the Horton home has officially gotten more airtime than Jack did during Matthew Ashford's last run. Let's file that under "Things That Hurt My Head."

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of December 1! Although Laurisa and I are busy preparing our list of nice and naughty Salemites, otherwise known as the Eighth Annual Golden Donut and Alex North Memorial Awards, she'll be back next Monday with an all new Two Scoops. And, "That's a fact!"

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