Another one bites the dust

That's all, folks! Liam's lunacy came to a splintering end, causing Salem's lot to be lessened by one. And soon to be lessened by two, if you're keeping up with the casting grapevine. Well, technically three. Four, perhaps. I don't know! Let's take a stroll down Two Scoops Lane and figure out who's left in Salem to talk about!

For starters, Liam would be the worst person to play Mad Libs with. You'd ask, "(proper name) and (proper noun) went up the (noun) to (verb) a (noun) of (noun)." He'd reply, "Bitch and Bitch went up the bitch to bitch a bitch of why don't you love me Jennifer, you bitch."

Yep, after last week, I think the writing staff needs to lay off that word for a while. It's reached its quota for the year. Still, something tells me with Kristen and Eve coming back soon, we'll hear it a few more times, but I digress.

George of the Jungle could have given some great advice to Liam. That is, "Watch out for that tree!" Yes, our latest psycho du jour met a rather grisly fate by falling back onto a tree trunk. Well, actually, he was impaled by a sharp stump, but that's not the point. Liam is dead. And that makes me a little sad.

Mostly, I really wanted Liam to be revealed as Peter Blake. I know. I know. I'm like a dog with a bone about that, but there was so much untapped potential there. Still, dead men tell tales in Salem, and maybe there are still a few surprises from beyond the grave. Maybe he was Peter, and that's what brings Kristen back. Okay. Probably not. But even without that happening, Liam does have one more tale to tell. Just ask Nicole.

As it turns out, Ms. Thang destroyed Liam's phone with a photo of the shredded document on it. Note, I would have tossed it in the river after I destroyed it instead of tossing it in a garbage can where anyone could spot it, but that's just me. Anyway, as it really turns out, part of that document was hanging out in a shrub near the crime scene. Of course. I'm not sure how much I'm loving the ongoing nature of this storyline. It still pains me to see Nicole take a huge leap backwards, even though it's classic Nicole.

To take a leap of my own backwards, let's talk about the entire situation that led up to Liam's log landing. He finally came out as crazy to Jennifer. Good for you, Liam. Moments later, Nicole showed up. After that, it was a lot of hitting him with things and truths nearly coming out until he hit the log. Okay, it was an exciting time on old Smith Island (very Sweepsy), but I do think some things need to be addressed before the next time DAYS does a hostage situation, or if one of you finds yourself on a remote island with someone you went out on a few dates with who turns out to be a loon. Here's my list:

1. Doors are not that complicated. You twist a handle and either pull or push. Oh, sorry. You may have to turn a key or latch as well. The "I don't know how to work a door, omg!" schtick only makes a smart character look stupid. Sure. Sure. Jennifer was in a panic, but even if I were to catch on fire, I'd still remember stop, drop, and roll.

2. Take the damn gun! If you manage to knock out a gun-wielding psychopath -- twice -- take the damn gun and then run like crazy. I don't think that one needs more explanation.

3. Run. Just run! Don't stop and talk in an open area, just run. Run like Forest Gump. Run like the Road Runner. Run like Gabi's big mouth, but for goodness sakes, just run.

4. If you manage to hide, stay hidden! Sure it's a small island, but it was also a wooded island at night. Staying hidden in some brush until the daylight might be in one's best interest unless you're volunteering to be a target practice for a crazy man because you didn't grab the damn gun in the first place.

5. This one's for the search party. Dudes, wait three seconds in between shouting someone's name. That gives them time to reply, and for you to hear them if they're distressed and can't speak loudly. Thank you, police procedurals, for that tip.

6. And the final one, take the damn gun.

So, in the end, Liam died. Nicole's secret was safe for the moment. Jenny and Jeannie-T apologized to one another. Hope got to shine as detective rather than an event planner. Dr. Dan got his street cred back and took a bullet better than Superman. And then everyone had a hearty belly laugh that Nicole was the one who (accidentally) shot Dr. Dan. It was warm. It was fuzzy. I was patient and mostly entertained. And now, may we have a little "Dannifer" break? Pretty please, dear writers?

LOOSE ENDS: Snap! It looks like Kate and Jordan are about to get real. By "get real," I mean they're probably going to dance around a lot of issues until one of them gets a text, or Ben happens by. I hope I'm wrong. It would be nice to finally see if Kate smacks Jordan with more of her intel and, more so, to see what Jordan admits. It's been long, long, long overdue.

In sweeter news, Rafe and Jordan dropped the L word to each other. They're a non-threatening couple, so I don't mind this one bit. More so, I know that the happier a couple is in Salem, the more drama they're about to face. In other words, I think there might actually be some storyline reveals. I just hope the payoff has been worth the wait.

On the ongoing topic of long overdue, Roman needs a love life. I was speaking with a close friend and fellow DAYS fan recently, and we both think we have the right lady -- Maxine! Neither of us is feeling Abe and Maxine, and we think her sassy self is a better fit for cowboy Roman and his "What da hell?" approach to life. As for Abe? Test him out with Marlena. They'd be a classy couple, no doubt. And "Ablena" or "Mabe" would certainly stir some pots, and I'd love to see the look on both John and Roman's faces if she walked into the sunset with their former partner. Just a thought.

Okay. Okay. Yes, Ciara can be a brat, but I give her a tip of my hat. When she gestured for Aiden to have a seat, I was impressed. I absolutely think Victor would have been, too. Still, she needs to work on negotiating. She scored expensive earrings from Sami and settled for chocolates and a high-tech watch from Aiden. She could do better. Then again, she is Hope's daughter. I'm sure chocolates are enough.

To play devil's advocate, and I don't really have any malice towards Aiden at this point, it's ironic that he thinks Ciara is basically Rosemary's Baby, yet he is willing to scheme with her. If I were saying something, which I'm not, that would be rather hypocritical of him. Hmm, hypocritical and judgmental. Let me repeat a "RANDOM THOUGHTS" comment I made a few weeks ago, "Are we sure he's not a Horton?"

Seriously, Nick!? No one -- not one person -- in the Horton family loves and supports you? Maybe you want to tell Cousin Julie to stop waving the "Nick is God!" foam finger then. She's probably got carpal tunnel by now. Good grief.

HOT Um, yes, please. E.J. is so hot at being bad. Er. Bad-er. I know that technically, the gloves went on, but it really was more of a proverbial "the gloves are off" scenario. I can't wait for E.J. to go old school on Nick and destroy him. By the look on Nick's face, he's a bit worried. And he should be. I repeat, "Yes, please!"

NOT I've tried every relaxation method known to man, but I seriously cannot take the rinse and repeat dialogue surrounding Nutty Nick, Gabi Gump, and the gang. Even with the new custody agreement twist, it's been the same scenes for about, well, how long has Nick been back? Exactly. Let's move it along, dear writers. It's Sweeps, after all. LINE OF THE WEEK E.J. (to Nick): "You wanted my attention, Mr. Fallon. You have it."

RANDOM THOUGHTS If "Rude Money" is a thing, I am totally grabbing my checkbook.

I need to talk to Aiden ASAP. I need one of those "seeing someone every other weekend" arrangements for Gabi and me. It would greatly improve our relationship.

Has that gorgeous gal who returned the picture of Jennifer to Nicole met Lucas yet? Nevermind. He'd find a way to screw it up. Or sit back and watch while his mommy dearest does.

Rafe got his full caseload back. In related news, cats stuck in trees can breathe a little easier.

Since she obviously thinks he walks on water, maybe Mar Mar should pounce on Rafe. I could see her being a cougar. I'd also finally get behind Kate taking someone down who's orbiting Planet Rafe.

Oh, Planet Rafe! I bet the national anthem would be "His Penis Saved My Soul" to the tune of "La Bamba."

Suzanne Rogers (Maggie) is radiant when she smiles. Good catch, Victor!

Rafe said Gabi lost her mind. About that. Did she really ever have one to begin with? I'm pretty sure her pretty head is stuffed with straw. #mysincereapologizestoscarecrowseverywhere

Hot dog! Theresa almost mentioned her bother, Andrew, by name. I'm sure the writers purposely avoided that. He'll probably come back someday as Frank or Teddy because that's his new made-up middle name. Yes, I still need to get over that, Jeannie.

Nicole's following line would have been funny if it wasn't so true: "I just need a friend right now, and my options are severely limited." Not true! Meet us in a bar not filled with teens and bad lighting (sorry, Sonny). We'll drink martinis and chat. @LaurisaDays is already trying on shoes!

Um, can Roman -- Roman "I Haven't Touched a Gal Since My Ex Gone and Dumped Me Again" Brady -- really afford to turn down dates?

In twenty years, or five soap years, I want to see a power struggle for control of Titan between a twenty-something Ciara and Chelsea. Methinks that would be legendary. No offense to the Kiriakis Boys Club.

NEWS AND MORE NEWS: To begin with, yes, yes, and hell yes! The talented cast and crew of DAYS deservingly received multiple Emmy nominations on May 1st! Eileen Davidson, Arianne Zucker, Eric Martsolf, and Chandler Massey all received acting nominations, and the show is in the running for Outstanding Drama Series again. Let's hope for a repeat of last year's awards. On behalf of DAYS Two Scoops, congrats to all the nominees -- you wow us on a daily basis, and we couldn't be more proud to be on Team DAYS! For the complete story, click here.

In not so exciting "hell yes!" news, the Casting Fairy started an ugly rumor that James Scott is leaving DAYS. Denial is one of my closest friends. I'm going to hang out with her for a while. But if I wasn't hanging, I'd say I'm going to deeply miss James and his endless talents on my screen every day, but I fully support his decision. When it's time, it's time, and that's not always an easy decision to come to. And personally, I feel grateful that All My Children's throwaway was scooped up by some smart suit at DAYS and became a tour de force for the past eight years. Bravo, and thank you, James! For this story, click here.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of May 5. I'm off to Cinco de Mayo myself into a tequila-soaked Scooper, but Laurisa will be back next Monday, well, if she isn't jailed for accidentally trying to strike Gabi like a piata...again. And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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