Jingle bell shock

'Tis the season for secrets in Salem! Sonny learned a juicy tale. Brady and J.J. were both looking for a sale. Theresa was naughty, although Anne thought it was nice, and E.J. and Sami fought about their relationship not once, but twice!

Wow. I mean, "Wow!" this is it. The last regular Two Scoops of the year. 2013 has flown by quicker than a vial of coke up Brady's nose.

Actually, this might be the last "regular" column, but your faithful Two Scoopers will be busy preparing a little naughty and nice list known as the Seventh Annual Golden Donuts and Alex North Memorial Awards! The festivities begin next week when we get our praise on for the Best of DAYS 2013. But don't worry. We're stockpiling snark for the following week as we reveal the Worst of DAYS 2013. So, all won't be merry and bright with that one, and yule want to be there! In the meantime, let's talk about DAYS last week.

I need to visit Theresa and Brady. I need their drugs to give to Gabi. Girlfriend needs to relax. I know, I know. She's keeping a doozy of a secret and recently suffered at the hands of Nick blah, blah, blah, but her hysterics are starting to annoy me. Thankfully, I have a little combo known as Kate and Sami to keep me sane. Those two are pretty legendary together, even if those two and Gabi have been repeating the same scene since psycho Nick went splishity-splash.

But with the same old, same old we finally have a new. Sonny knows that Gabi, Sami, and Kate murdered Nick. Murder? Public service? I don't know. What I do know is that Sonny knows, but the question remains, what will he do with this information. Hmm!

Sonny is one of the good guys, but he's been known to keep things from Will. Young Mr. Horton still doesn't know that his baby mama was behind the Melnapping. Yet this time Sonny's in the hot seat because Will knows he's hiding something. Will Sonny play the party angle, or will he tell his love what's what? I repeat, "Hmm!"

Of interest, if Sonny does keep the secret and goes to the three merry murderesses with his knowledge, I don't know if that would be such a bad thing either. Sonny's relationships with Gabi and Sami have both proved to be entertaining. These uneasy but fun combos could boost the storyline with some fresh conversations at the very least.

Although, that leaves Will out in the cold, and what will his reaction be when he finds out everyone has been keeping a secret from him? He's never loved Nick ad nauseum like the rest of the Hortons, but I doubt he'll send his baby mama and all a thank you card. He'll probably feel a little left out. Maybe even a little betrayed and angry. If this happens, he should consult his cousin(-ish) Shawn-Douglas, as he knows all about everyone keeping a secret from him (otherwise known as Belle and Philip's 2007 affair, in which all of Salem knew but him). Plus, it wouldn't hurt to hear from Shawn-D!

J.J. may also want to consult a family member, maybe cousin Stephanie. She knew all about being a bitch, and he needs an insider's guide to deal with Theresa. Good gravy, is she nasty! But in a love-to-hate kind of way, and Jen Lilley is doing a smash-up job. She's proving that you can be a manipulative blackmailer without moral compass but still retain a sense of humor.

Of course, J.J. hasn't found her in the least bit hilarious. He's working his Tiger Beat butt off to thwart her. He looked so proud of himself when he erased the video, but alas, Theresa isn't a novice at scheming. She knows what she's doing, and Anne couldn't be prouder. Yet, I find all this a good thing. A very good thing, in fact. J.J. is sort of like a confused Anakin deciding to use his powers for good instead of evil. Since Jeannie-Theresa has a few years (and a lot of scheming) on him, I am eager to watch J.J. try to slay his first Sith. Still, it remains unclear if he'll end up saving the galaxy, or losing a limb to Darth Theresa. Stay tuned!

LOOSE ENDS: My hat goes off to James Scott and Alison Sweeney for their scenes last week. Together, they do the brutal/true love combo amazingly. With that said, I'm also adding EJami patching things up to my Christmas wish list.

Oh, silent night! How did Nicole not know Brady was coked out!? I mean, he did hide it so well, but I'm pretty sure she's been around people (read: him!) when he's been riding the white horse. If only she was an investigative reporter and could probe the matter. Oh, wait...

Okay, I know they were both there to buy drugs, and that is bad, but Brady and J.J.'s scene unintentionally cracked me up.

Speaking of unintentional reactions, Rafe hurt the hell out of Kate by saying she's finally free from guilt. She no longer has to take care of him. He's good. She took it hard, but I personally think she should look at it as a "get out of jail free" card. Yet she didn't. And then she threatened Jordan. Of course she did.

And of course Jordan is hiding something, too. Mainly, a lockbox full of fake I.D.s. What she's not hiding well is her budding feelings for Rafe, and I don't mind one bit. I actually like these two together. They're sort of charming in an old-school soap love story kind of way, but more importantly, nonthreatening and not overexposed. I'll take those odds when it comes to Rafe.

Finally, and I know this will shock many of you, Jennifer and Dr. Dan had another conversation about their relationship. I know! Shocking, right? In other news, I'm terribly jealous of Parker. He gets to leave town for a while and won't have to be around Dannifer during the holidays.

HOT Go Will! Go Will! It's (almost) your birthday! I'm so super happy he called out Hope on the Hortons being biased towards St. Nick. Even more, I'm glad Hope didn't try to deny it. I mean, really, she couldn't have even if she tried, so I'm glad she saved (fancy) face by not doing so. My Christmas wish list now has the Hortons gathering together to send Will a big old apology and perhaps an Edible Arrangement added to it.

NOT I love you, Mags, but go home to Victor. I'm pretty sure he shoved Auntie Viv into a sarcophagus on your watch (and behalf), so, as Britney Spears might say, "He's not that innocent." And if Nicole is inching towards forgiving Eric for accusing her of rape, I'm pretty sure you can find it in your turtleneck-loving heart to forgive Victor. So, let it go, Big Red. Letitgo!

LINE OF THE WEEK Brady (to Nicole): "It's not every day you get to punch your brother priest in the face for sleeping with your fiance."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Another thing I want for Christmas is for Will to take off that vest.

You know, I was just thinking to myself the other day I'd like to go to a club where kids are sitting around drinking hot cocoa. Oh, wait. No. Why wasn't that place just left Common Grounds?

Sami's braided hair reminded me of a young, teenaged Sami Gene.

Um, no. It should be T and Abby not T and Gabi, thankyouverymuch.

I'm disappointed in Ciara. She should never accept just one earring. It's the set or nothing, Little Hope.

OMG, Mar Mar mentioned Dr. Rolf! I'm fairly sure that sonic boom of glee you heard that day was @LaurisaDays giving a celebratory "Woot!" of excitement!

Freddie Smith has the most charming up-to-something grin ever.

Sorry, Mar and Nicole, but I kinda like Eric out of his priest garb a little better. Maybe he could stay a non-padre and just volunteer at the church, non-shirtless or shirtless. Whatever. I hear the Men of St. Luke's pinup calendar still needs a Mr. June. Just saying.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of December 16. You have one week to get on your Sunday best and party gear, as next week, Laurisa and I team up to present the Seventh Annual Golden Donut Awards, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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