Giving death the middle toe

This past April Fool's week, the joke was on L.A. Ten toes at the crematorium proves it ain't Sheila who's getting burned! Ten piggies in the furnace leaves three smoldering questions: Will anyone believe what Deacon saw? Who did Steffy knife to death? And will we ever see Sheila Carter again? Thanks to Finn, Hope might actually start "processing" and figure out why she ruined two perfectly good families. Plus, wardrobe nightmare! Did Hope and Steffy mug Elvira for her top and skirt? Let's scoop!

First, let me, a Sheila Stan for life, start off by saying I knew it! I freaking knew it! Steffy ain't bad enough to kill the boldest and most beautiful villain of all time! I knew Sheila wasn't dead because her character still has a lot more living, loving, and wicked laughing to do.

The people of Los Angeles turned their noses up at Sheila's memorial, all relieved to eat at Il Giardino now that she's gone. Heck, Donna even thought it was safe to show her face again. I can't wait for Sheila to serve each of them two scoops of "Staying Alive!" just deserts.

Just imagine the looks on their faces when they all learn their favorite restaurant hosted a dead body in a casket, rolled into the very area where they ate their tofu pizza as they insulted their waitress. Thank the soap gods, Deacon held the memorial at his pizzeria, but at least he had the good sense not to cremate her in his brick oven. Nope. He took the body back to the morgue, and there, we learned for sure that the body didn't belong to Sheila Carter. Not only were there ten toes on that sucker, but the toenails were painted pink. Sheila wouldn't be caught dead in pink polish!

They do say the best revenge is living well, but exactly where the heck is Sheila living right now -- and how? Since the body at the morgue was a dead ringer for Sheila, I figure this has to be either Sugar or a twin sister Sheila has that we never knew anything about. Deacon recently remarked that Sheila had been coming and going without telling him, and it was hit or miss if she was at home or work. This tells me that Sheila has been missing for quite some time. Maybe held up in the Houdini house, for all we know.

With the body cremated, who will believe what Deacon saw? Those anxious to keep Sheila dead and gone might dismiss his claims and say that he was hallucinating or simply doesn't know how to count. I don't think one can DNA-sample ashes, so I hope some of that blood Finn was playing around with on the floor is at the crime lab. Because, as happy as I am to know that Sheila is living to chuckle another day, we need to know who in the world Steffy killed.

And while I'm at it about Steffy, why did she think she had the option of going to the memorial?

On the day of the memorial, almost everyone wore black except for Deacon and Hollis, whose presence led poor Deacon to think he had at least one guest to help him commemorate Sheila. Deacon said it was just Hollis and him. "I got inventory to do," Hollis replied. It must have been too short notice to video-conference Mike in from prison, contact Mary, or seek out Sheila's offspring with Tom Fisher. It was down to Hope and Finn, and the Logan sisters warned Deacon not to invite either one.

I see the conflict in inviting Finn. On the one hand, Sheila accidentally shot him and tried to murder his wife for daring to call for help. On the other, as Sheila's local son and victim, Finn should be told about the service. Deacon was a little over the top urging Finn to attend because it would mean so much to Sheila, but in the end, Finn showed up to gain closure.

I get Steffy's reaction to not wanting Finn to go to the event. She had a valid point. If she hadn't defended herself that night, it would be her memorial at the pizza parlor, not Sheila's! Plus, it is a little hard to swallow when your husband wants to pay his respects to your attempted murderer. As Steffy decided Finn could go, but she wouldn't, I finally figured out why she was wearing all black. She actually thought she'd been invited to the wake, too, and had been deliberating going!

Excuse me, but who told Elviria, Mistress of the Split, that she was invited at all?

As much as I can't believe Steffy, the killer, thought she had a reserved seat at her victim's funeral, what I can't fathom even more is why an actual guest thought "casket's out" meant "boobs out" at the memorial. Someone, please tell me why Hope thought dressing up like Vanity 6 was the way to go for the memorial of her father's girlfriend. Does Thomas need to fax Hope wardrobe choices now that he's gone?

All the snickering the Logan sisters did while Deacon was discussing his service plans with them was bad, but at least they had the decency not to show up and behave that way at the service. Not Hope. Though she claimed she was there to support her father, she rolled her eyes, fidgeted, and shook her head through every word of his speech like a teenager forced to be there. It's a shame that Deacon is such a town pariah that he feels grateful for support like that.

Meanwhile, up on the hill, Eric and Donna told Lauren all about the death "festivities." I half-expected Lauren to march into that pizza parlor, toss open the coffin, and point to the empty interior. Instead, Lauren listened as Donna explained that at least no children had been home and no pets harmed during the killing of Sheila Carter.

You heard right. No need to rewind. I already did it three times and checked the captions. Donna actually stated that no pets were hurt. Does she understand that Bu is dead and ghost cats can't feel pain? Maybe by "pet," Donna meant Steffy's lapdog Finn. Now that I think about it, could the pet comment have been Donna's way of calling Steffy the B word?

It's still an open question how this mystery will unravel or when and if we will see Sheila Carter again. I'd be thrilled if she ruined everyone's year by showing up very much alive. Steffy can be relieved that she has only killed one person instead of two, but I suspect that if Sheila returns, Finn's unexplained feelings for her will probably complicate Steffy and Finn's marriage.

With Thomas and Douglas gone, the writers wasted no time in tossing Hope back into the dynamic of her forgotten family with Liam. Beth burst with cuteness, expressing her happiness to be with her parents. It wasn't lost on me that she didn't mention one word about her other family with Thomas and Douglas. The poor child's probably ecstatic her mom finally remembered that Beth's family matters, too.

Liam seemed introspective about the family, or maybe he merely had indigestion listening to Hope go on about her relationship with Thomas as if she hadn't been married to Liam when she'd cheated on him with the guy. It's worth noting that Liam fared no better with Steffy, as she went on about how she fell in love with Finn for his kindness. It's gotta sting when exes who once used to fight over you now talk to you about how great their other men are, right?

Speaking of "the guy," viewers have to know Thomas and Hope are a thing of the past when their brother says he understood why Hope wasn't ready to marry "the guy." Since when does R.J. refer to his sibling as "the guy"? Well, it's better to call Thomas "the guy," I suppose, than to say, "I get why my sister wasn't ready to marry my brother."

The show seems to be transitioning from Thope, but whether they will revisit Lope is a looming question. Liam told Hope that she might find a guy she can say yes to, and Finn suggested that she smooth things over with Liam. Finn also advised Hope to take some time and figure out how she got where she was before moving forward. In his view, her relationship with Thomas was mostly a rebound. It's great advice for someone who has been processing her divorce slower than a 1980s AOL dial-up connection.

What do you think? Will Hope finally sit down, sort herself out, and figure out why she dismantled two perfectly good families for kisses and giggles? If it wasn't about sex the way Steffy thinks it was, does it go back to Hope's insecurities about Steffy? For Hope, it always seems to be about Steffy, and for Steffy, it always seems to be about the Logans, doesn't it?

Spoilers indicate that Deacon will be reeling from the vision of ten toes in the crematorium. He shares the details with Finn, and Finn questions Deacon's mental state. Deacon and Ridge exchange barbs about Sheila.

Also, next week, Finn and Hope bond over their losses. Steffy receives news about her police case, and Zende confides in Carter about his feelings for Luna. Luna panics on the verge of telling R.J. the truth.

That's it! That's all the scoops, and I'm all scooped out. Please let us know what you think of the week's unfolding events in the comments section below, and until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!Chanel

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