Steffy can run, but here's why she can never be free of Sheila

Steffy was crazy to think she could fly, and she's crazy to think she can live Sheila-free as long as Steffy carries Sheila's precious cargo with her. Here's why Sheila will never stop pestering Steffy. What's with Steffy attracting mothers-in-law from hell? Plus, why are the sexiest men in L.A. sitting on a shelf? When will the Spencer men get their love lives off hold? Let's scoop!

Bill brought his handsome self back from his long stay on the Stella Maris and found that his company was running just fine -- but his sons' lives were a hot mess. Liam is in mid-waffle with divorce papers crumpled up on the floor of his car, and Wyatt is bingeing his brother's love life as if it's the next chapter of American Horror Story. By the way, it very well might be as long as Sheila is involved. Liam wants Steffy, Wyatt is planning a wedding, and Bill is wooing Katie, but there has been no movement on any Spencer front. The Spencer men have stories on the table, so why are they living la vida limbo?

Liam can be quite self-centered, but would it kill him to ask Wyatt how the wedding plans are progressing or maybe how Flo is doing? When discussing how he can't forgive Thomas for the Beth secret, could Liam at least say, "You know, kind of like Hope can't forgive Flo?" I'd take anything that would remind Wyatt that he has a life outside of being Liam's sounding board.

Apparently, Wyatt doesn't remember that he has a past, either. Wyatt joked that he didn't know how Liam had gotten Steffy and Hope, but did Wyatt forget that he'd bagged and shagged them, too? Wyatt never mentions that he was once a bad boy wedge between Liam and Hope or that Liam had once come between Steffy and Wyatt in Steffy's first mother-in-law hate story. Maybe Wyatt could advise Finn about how Wyatt and Steffy coped with Steffy's abhorrence of Quinn.

I should give up hope of ever learning where Wyatt calls home or who he cohabitates with. With so many false starts over the years, maybe it's best to forget about Bill and Katie, too. It's not like Wyatt and Liam even thought to ask Bill how he could make a crumb of progress with Katie while spending almost the entire summer abroad on his yacht.

Liam's love life will be on hold for one obvious reason. Steffy flew the coop. Until Jacqueline MacInnes Wood returns from maternity leave, the audience might be destined to watch Finn and Liam verbally spar over the out-of-town Steffy until her return. Steffy is bound to return because running from Sheila is futile when she carries the "grandspawn of Satan" with her.

If Finn is the spawn of Satan, according to Ridge, that would make Hayes the grandspawn of Satan. Steffy fled the country to escape Sheila, but if Steffy sees Sheila in Finn's eyes and expressions, how can Steffy not see Sheila every time Hayes grins? It is inane of Steffy to think that she can escape Sheila when Sheila's DNA is inside of Steffy's son. Not only that, but Steffy also said Finn couldn't follow them because Sheila would come after him. What makes Steffy think Sheila doesn't have an internal homing signal targeted at Hayes, too?

Ridge said he learned from Steffy's jump in Greece that Steffy can't fly, but she will defy. I would like to know in what dictionary "defy" means to tuck tail and run. Ridge's story made no sense because Steffy wasn't jumping to run away. She was jumping to defy him, and running away is not defying Sheila. It's letting Sheila win and take Finn as the spoils. Steffy said herself that she doesn't hide, so fleeing to Europe with Sheila's grandson and only Taylor for protection was a truly un-Steffy, asinine thing to do.

Steffy made it sound as if she'd stay indefinitely, and it's amazing that Taylor can drop her practice faster than a knitting project to meet Steffy in Rome. Liam said he'd be sure to visit, so his daughter wouldn't forget him. I had to pause because I thought of poor Kelly, who'd almost drowned the other week, now on a plane to go live across the world from the sister, cousin, stepfather, and dad she'd grown so close to.

Finn, Ridge, Brooke, and Liam back Steffy's choice to go, but I can't. It solves nothing because, unless Finn becomes murderous like his mother and kills Sheila, Steffy and the kids can never return. Even worse, what if Hayes does turn out to be a little demon grandchild, rams his tricycle into Steffy's shin, and knocks her over a banister?

I predict that while Steffy's gone, she might courier divorce papers to Finn, but leaving Finn won't rid Steffy of Sheila. I suspect that one day, Steffy will open her front door in Rome to see a package of Pull-Ups on the stoop from Grandma Satan. The only way to truly get Sheila out of her life is for Steffy to find a paternity test that says Hayes is Liam's son.

Liam mentioned this week the best thing he has going for him in the competition for Steffy: his mother isn't a murderous psycho who hates Steffy. Setting aside the fact that his mother is dead but, if she'd been alive, might have become psycho had she had to put up with Steffy, he's right. Remarrying Liam would break Steffy's unstable mothers-in-law curse. It's a curse, in my opinion, brought upon her because she's the namesake of the worst mother-in-law in CBS daytime history.

Steffy had it easy when she married Liam because Kelly was deceased, but second husband Wyatt came with Quinn. I'm not saying that double attempted murder isn't bad, but Quinn can certainly give Sheila a run for her money in the abominable mother-in-law department with her "Adam and Eve" abduction plot. When Quinn set her sights on Eric, Steffy clawed her down in the streets of Monte Carlo. Given that Steffy has also shot Sheila, I'm not sure why Steffy's way of dealing with Sheila this time involves a jet and not granny's gun.

Oh, but you might say, "What about Li Finnegan?" Surely, she's sane, right? Meh, did you see her peeking in Steffy's windows and grumbling to herself about Liam and Steffy when Finn was presumed dead? And driving herself off a broken bridge? Not sane, either. Li's got the potential for the crazy, given the right circumstances.

Who do you think is Steffy's worst mother-in-law? Frankly, I'm hard-pressed to say because both Quinn and Sheila were claiming to be reformed while related to Steffy. Do you think Li has the potential to turn on the cray-cray if Steffy becomes involved with Liam?

Is this really about Thomas and me? The new "It" girl really thinks everything is about her. Insert eye roll. When R.J. told his sister that he didn't want the founder of Forrester to be forgotten, Hope assumed it was about her and Thomas. No, Hope. It was really about Eric. I could just imagine Hope walking into Spencer and hearing Wyatt asking Liam about loving Steffy, and Hope saying, "Wait. Is this about me and Thomas?" Liam said the less he knows about her and Thomas, the better, so, Hope, it's safe to say that for Liam, it will never be about you and Thomas.

A chair is still a chair even if Eric is sitting there. So what was with that poignant scene at the end of Friday's episode when Ridge handed Brooke a stapler, and then a ghostly Eric appeared, sitting behind the iconic desk? Was it the ghost of fashion shows past, present, and future? Seriously, I didn't get it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.

So they're still getting married? Ridge asked to see some of Brooke's wedding gown designs last week. She refused to give him a preview, but at least that meant the wedding is still on. Because, you know, sometimes people say they are getting married, but then the bride is never seen or heard from again -- Cough, cough -- Flo and Wyatt -- Cough, cough.

What has Sheila done since the shootings? Everyone wants to see Sheila behind bars, and everyone's crying about how dangerous Sheila is. What has she done since the shootings besides save Kelly's life? Do restraining orders not work anymore? And let's not forget that Sheila would be behind bars if Steffy and Finn didn't choose to protect Taylor over protecting their marriage and kids.

That's hot, but that's not. Hope has been dressing hot and sassy since her affair started. Gone are the prairie girl outfits and here to stay are the low-cut, back-out jumpsuits. Hope's new wardrobe is hot. What's not? Whatever that thing was they put on Brooke Friday. Please never do that to my girl again, okay? Her name is Brooke Logan, not Blanche Devereaux.

As Eric returns to designing, he and Donna try to keep his condition quiet. Ridge becomes concerned about Eric's plans. Carter and Katie debate the situation with Eric, and Carter finds himself on the fence between Eric and Ridge. Maybe that means Ridge and Carter will have something better to do than harass Deacon about Sheila.

Brooke walks in on Thomas and Hope. Geez. How much more can Brooke take before she is forced to fake a heart attack to sucker Liam into reuniting with Hope?

Thanks for getting two scoops deep with me this week. As always, drop your opinions of the storylines in the comments section below, and until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!Chanel

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