Love is in the air... except not really

Love is a soap's most popular trope, but right now, B&B's got a weird way of showing it. Both Deacon and Taylor wanted to revive relationships that ended when you could still buy VCRs. But Sheila's egomaniacal love of her dirty deeds could end up rebuilding Bridge! Get a heart-on with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you feel that rejection was the greatest aphrodisiac? Did you hope to reboot a relationship that got canceled well over a decade ago? Were you so full of yourself that you fully gave yourself away? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Walton-Buckingham clan this week!

Can you feel it, Scoopers? We all know soaps mean love in the afternoon, but outside of Brooke's remaining devotion, I'd have to say love is missing the mark. Steffy and Thomas are obsessed with their parents' reunion, and both Taylor and Deacon want to pick up where long-abandoned relationships left off. Could it be that the way-off-her-game Sheila is about to accidentally set things right? Let's Scoop about it!

Okay, let's get Paris and Carter over with as quickly as possible. Carter did his now-trusty bit of "Oh, we can't do this" when Paris wanted to see Carter's Eiffel Tower. Carter didn't want Paris to sabotage what the Forresters could give her through Zende. Nor did he want to do to Zende what he did to Eric with Quinn. We know Grace has a potential expos hanging over Carter's head, but it's weaker than weak.

After all, Paris actually had it right when she said there was nothing for Carter to feel bad about because she and Zende had agreed to see other people, and Zende was already dating Sequoya. So, Grace doesn't have a leg to stand on. Carter had a third leg to stand on, though, because he and Paris not only got busy on the couch, but it was so nice, they did it twice.

I must admit, it was the most sensual lovemaking scene I've seen on the show in a long time, though I wonder how Paris didn't cause Carter puncture wounds with her extremely long nails. No matter. Carter was amazingly astute when he said he'd never been able to make a relationship work, and the fact that he went from Zoe to Quinn to Katie to Paris should have the too-young-for-Carter Paris running for the exit.

This is not love between Carter and Paris. At best, it's infatuation. Paris is good at infatuations. First Zende, then Finn, now Carter. I don't think she has enough life experience to even know what love is, and Carter doesn't seem to know, either. Did he really love Maya, or did he just catch feelings because he knew her heart was with Rick? He might have loved Zoe, but he sure rushed in. And it definitely wasn't love with Quinn. So far Parter (Caris?) doesn't have any rooting value.

Speaking of story points I'd like to get done covering, Steffy and Thomas. Yeah. Nothing comes out of their mouths anymore that doesn't involve pressuring their parents to get back together. "This is your home," Steffy salivated. No, it isn't! It's Steffy's home! That wing of the Forrester family just happens to all be there because it's cheaper to work out of one set.

I liked that Thomas mentioned how nice it would be if Phoebe could be there to witness Tridge's trial reunion. I also liked that Taylor again tried to rein in her pushy kids, even if her efforts were for naught. Steffy continued to work my last nerve, calling Brooke's treatment of Ridge abuse. Honey, I'm a domestic violence survivor; don't talk to me about abuse. Besides, by that definition, wasn't Ridge marrying Shauna to spite Brooke's kiss with Bill also abuse?

Taylor promised Ridge she'd never betray him, but she should have said, "I'll never betray you again." We haven't forgotten that Taylor pulled a Brooke 16 years ago when she kissed Hector because Ridge had disappointed her by being a no-show on New Year's Eve. Sound familiar? And Taylor wasn't even drinking! Tridge did a little kissy-poo, and it was played as romantic, but it just wasn't.

Ridge and Taylor haven't actually been together since 2006. There was their aborted man-and-horse wedding in 2009, but even that was Ridge being on the rebound from Brooke. If we're really going to reunite Tridge, can't we have Ridge healing on his own for a while and then he and Taylor rediscovering each other through dating? You can't just jump back into a relationship that was already over when YouTube became a thing.

After Ridge and Taylor left the cliff house, we saw Steffy in the arms of a shirtless man. Who was that? Oh! It was Finn! Remember him? I'd almost forgotten he existed, and I think Steffy did, too. She's been hornier for her parents than she has been for him. Despite the fact that "it has been a while," Steffy rejected Finn's loving overtures in case Taylor came home. What, is Taylor staying in their bedroom?

Steffy couldn't even cuddle in her not-husband's muscular arms without bringing up her parents. That's right -- I said "not-husband." Steffy wouldn't legalize her marriage to Finn when Sheila started coming around, and, to my knowledge, there never has been a scene where either Steffy or Finn substantiated actually making things legal.

Scoops reader "Maurice101" informed me: "Mike, Casey Kasprzyk, the supervising producer from the show confirmed that Steffy and Finn are legally married during [a recent] Bold Live. Furthermore, the closing credits list Jacqueline MacInnes Wood as 'Steffy Forrester Finnegan' which also serves as confirmation [of] the legal status of their marriage. Steffy and Finn would not be continuously calling one another husband and wife if they were not married."

Then it's a misbelief on the part of the show that they can just have something that important resolved off-screen. If they weren't going to rectify Sinn's marital status on-air or at least drop one line indicating an off-screen wrap-up, then they shouldn't have brought up Steffy not legalizing the marriage in the first place. That's just sloppy. As sloppy as it is having Steffy more concerned with her parents than with her husband.

For being one of Beverly Hills' hottest spots, Il Giardino is almost always empty. Deacon yapped with Sheila there before sending her away because Hope was on her way in. Deacon wasn't surprised that Ridge was having another one of his tantrums. "Thank you very much, Stephanie and Eric, for not course-correcting that," Deacon spat. Excellent! As was his supposition that Bridge had had a thousand weddings!

Then Hope asked Deacon if he'd try to talk some sense into Ridge on Brooke's behalf. Deacon wasn't loving the idea of risking being Ridge's punching bag again, but he agreed to give it a shot. Hope just wanted Deacon to show Ridge that Deacon didn't want Brooke. Kind of a weird request, but okay. Though maybe Hope should have stopped at one of L.A.'s Big 5 Sporting Goods locations to get Deacon a helmet first.

Someone else prone to an attack was Brooke, who was paid an unwelcome visit by Sheila. The one-time nurse gloried in lording Brooke's tribulations over her. "You thought you could threaten me?" Sheila barked. Which makes you wonder -- how will Steffy end up feeling when she finds out the whole reason Brooke "betrayed" Ridge was because Brooke had been trying to protect Steffy? Do they make gourmet humble pie?

It's also so weird for me watching Sheila taunt Brooke, because in the '90s, they were total BFFs. They commiserated about Stephanie, and Sheila worked as Brooke's liaison after Brooke took control of Forrester. Even after that, Sheila poisoned Stephanie to punish her for getting custody of Brooke's children! So, while Brooke taking a bullet in the arm probably ended all that, I still wish their former friendship would come up.

The way Sheila kept talking about Brooke getting what she deserved, I'm surprised Brooke, who knows Sheila very well, didn't clue in. Because Sheila practically gave herself away. "If you don't get the hell out of my house," Brooke shrieked, "I'm going to call Lauren Fenmore and tell her you're alive and that it wasn't you-with-Phyllis'-face she actually shot! How about that!"

All right, Brooke didn't say that. But I'd have loved it if she had. Lauren not being told that Sheila isn't dead is a major detail to skip, since their crossovers were everything in the '90s. Brooke booped Sheila on the nose, causing Sheila to snarl, "You touch me like that again, and it'll be the last thing you do!" Since when does Sheila have such an aversion to being touched? She reacted like that with Quinn in 2017, as well.

Yet, Sheila was somehow okay with Steffy slapping her twice. Maybe Steffy gets a pass because she once blew a hole in Sheila's shoulder and therefore earned Sheila's respect? At any rate, several times, Brooke wondered aloud why she had boozed it up on New Year's Eve. How come she's never actually looked into it? It's not like her to not be proactive about things like this. Didn't Stephanie teach her anything?

Taylor was none too pleased to find Brooke in her office, remarking that Brooke shouldn't show up there unannounced. But it was cool for Taylor to drop in at Brooke's house without warning? I still want to know how Taylor has a practice after all the mental health issues she had. Brooke and Taylor talked about their initial overture of friendship when Taylor came back to L.A., but Brooke officially snapped that olive branch by accusing Taylor of trying to steal her husband.

Taylor wasn't having it and flamed Brooke for manipulating Douglas into keeping quiet. Taylor thought Brooke would benefit from psychiatric help. "Possibly," Brooke admitted. But Brooke wondered, "Are we really doing this again?" (amen, La Logan) and lamented that she'd thought Taylor would understand about Brooke's alcoholism because Taylor was a professional.

How about Taylor would understand because she's also an alcoholic? She and Brooke should be attending A.A. meetings together. Taylor's alcoholism never comes up; neither does anything sketchy Taylor has done. It's like Taylor's past is a whiteboard that B&B has wiped. Brooke should be the first to fire back at Taylor for firing a gun at Bill! Why have Bill and Taylor not had a scene together yet, addressing that?

Brooke reminded Taylor that Ridge always came back to her. And you know what? There was something really earthy about that Brooke/Taylor scene. No music, no histrionics. Composed voices. It struck me as unusual, but wonderfully so. That could easily have been played over the top; kudos to Katherine Kelly Lang and Krista Allen if that was a choice they made. Taylor knew Brooke was right about Ridge, too. Her expression was pure "Oh, s**t."

Deacon honored Hope's request and went to Ridge, reminding the dressmaker that he'd only shared one drunken kiss with Brooke and that they were both sorry. Also, that Brooke had only been trying to break up Deacon and Ridge's fisticuffs, not trying to choose sides. But Ridge was so "la la la I can't hear you" that Deacon called him a stubborn son of a bitch. (Given whose son Ridge is, that's accurate.)

"Why can't you just let it go?" Deacon beseeched Ridge. "Or maybe you don't want to." Deacon pondered if Ridge was just as happy toying with Taylor. Deacon also assured Ridge that he hadn't seen Brooke but felt that Ridge ought to. Indeed. Ridge is just impudent, not even having a conversation with Brooke. Yeah, there was that goodbye chat last week. But Ridge is being sooooo immature.

That said, Deacon is, too, if to a lesser degree. Taking Ridge's stonewalling as a cue, Deacon went to Brooke and told her that she should give up on Ridge. After all, there was a man waiting who wouldn't bail on Brooke when things got tough, and that man was Deacon. After all, what Deacon and Brooke once had was so amazing. No, Deacon, what you and Brooke once had was hot sex! And that was it!

We long-time viewers watched as Brooke's reaction to Deacon's freaky Deakiness was having a vocal, censor-busting orgasm on-screen. It's not like Brooke and Deacon actually ever had any kind of relationship. They might have claimed to be in love, but Deacon cheated on his wife and Brooke betrayed her daughter by having another daughter with Deacon. There was no romance, no relationship.

So, in that sense, Deacon isn't any better than Taylor. He claims to still love Brooke, but their mattress mashing happened two decades ago, in real time. It's not romantic or healthy to carry a torch for anyone that long, and B&B needs to stop having characters pining for exes forever and ever and ever. The only actual love happening on this show right now is Brooke's for Ridge, because she's on the verge of losing her marriage to him.

And when did studly martial arts master Deacon become such a wimp? Brooke told him, again, that Ridge was the only man she wanted. Deacon looked like a sad puppy who wasn't going to get his Gaines Burger. I like that Sir Sharpe truly isn't a bad boy anymore, but he is so whipped. He needs to grow up as much as he rightly said Ridge needed to.

Hope still leads this show in maturity, because she went to Ridge herself and told him she needed to clean up her own mess. She realized she hadn't respected Ridge's reservations about Deacon and had unintentionally played a part in Bridge's bust-up. Ridge was surprised, assuming Hope would want her parents "back together." Argh, Deacon and Brooke were never together! I just don't get B&B sometimes. My parents divorced when I was nine and I never pined for them to get "back together."

Much ado was made about "the Spencer men" returning, but I had a bad feeling that all they would do was share opinions about Bridge, and that's exactly all they did. Hell, Wyatt has been engaged to Flo for a year, and he didn't even mention her. Maybe this is Flo finally getting what she deserves, after all. No wedding, and it's rumored she's out because she wasn't in B&B's 35th anniversary photo. Can't say I'd miss her!

Anyway, hunky monkey Keith visited Sheila in her hotel room, commenting that Sheila had taken up residency at his accommodation. Do you know how much hotels cost in L.A.? I stayed at one for ten days and the cheapest I could find still cost me over $700. Where is Sheila getting all this money? Did she make good investments after her divorce from Eric? Is daughter Mary funneling her cash from somewhere?

Sheila ditched Keith (her loss) to go visit Taylor. I still don't understand how Taylor is even talking to her. I know Taylor wanted to keep Sheila close to study her, but Thomas had it right when he fumed that his family wouldn't have been separated for all those years because Sheila, not Brooke, was responsible. (Loved that observation!) Taylor knows it, too. So, why does Taylor keep acknowledging Sheila's presence?

Thomas had stayed in kindergarten by blabbing to models at Forrester that mommy and daddy were back together, but he at least moved on to high school by actually continuing his house hunt. (How long does it take for one guy and his mannequin to find a home in Los Angeles?) Thomas thought Taylor had returned but became stony when he found Sheila standing in his sister's living room.

Thomas ordered Sheila to get out of their lives forever. But Sheila, who had just insisted to Thomas that she was changing, dipped back into her psycho well by snarling that Thomas was arrogant and should be thanking her for helping to reunite his parents! Hold up. Why is Sheila so hot to brag about sabotaging Brooke, first to Brooke herself, and then to Thomas? It's not like Sheila to be so narcissistic as to tip her hand like this.

Sheila went on long enough about wanting credit that she finally caught herself, but it was too late; Thomas pounced. And as quickly as Sheila had clammed up, she went right back to crowing about how she had taken Brooke down. It didn't take long for Thomas to realize that Sheila had spiked Brooke's non-alcoholic champagne! Sheila thought it didn't matter, because the end result was Tridge teaming up.

I desperately wanted Sheila to say that she had made sure Ridge left Brooke for Taylor to make up for having pulled Ridge and Taylor apart with her gun. I mean, that would be twisted, but it would be a lot more noble than Sheila simply targeting Brooke for making one threat. Steffy treated Sheila way worse, but never earned Sheila's vengeance. And why isn't Sheila still trying to see Finn? That's supposed to be her whole M.O.

And Thomas would have seen logic in Sheila wanting to atone for destroying his family. Instead, he listened as Sheila basically borderline menaced him into keeping her secret. "If you tell Ridge," Sheila growled, "I'll just sneak into your room in the middle of the night and cut off another lock of your hair! How about that!" All right, Sheila didn't say that. But I'd have loved it if she had.

Hey, it's not like Thomas can't keep a secret! Right, baby Beth? At least there was some forward motion this week, and the show was more watchable. But is this Bridge business taking too long, Scoopers? It's March, and they're still talking about New Year's Eve. How would you like to see this wrap up? Are you cool with Paris and Carter taking things to the next level, or does it not affect you one way or the other? And what do you think this much-talked-about "shock twist" is? Say it, don't spray it in the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could be in a future column!

I don't know what the "shock twist" is, but I do know that it was announced this week that B&B will be celebrating its 35th anniversary (albeit a day late, on March 24, because of the preemption) with a Brooke-centric episode that will see the return of Jack Wagner as Nick...and Winsor Harmon as Thorne!

(P.S. I've done my own anniversary thing by releasing a 20th anniversary edition of my first book, Undo the Deed, which is best described as a time travel story with a child abuse theme. Both B&B and Y&R were heavy influences (as well as Dynasty!), which is why I make the mention. There's definitely lots of soapiness within the text!)

I know a lot of you are over the show revolving around Brooke as it is, but it will be interesting to see how Nick and Thorne factor into things. I sure hope we finally find out how Jack, Nick's son with Brooke and Taylor, is doing! Jack is 14 in real time, which means with SORAS, he should be in his mid-20s and ready to hook up! Maybe Quinn can get her cougar on! Or Li could trade Jacks.

Sheila's slipping up, and the truth of Brooke's drinking is closer to coming out, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And, no matter where in the world you are, democracy and freedom are always beautiful.AMJ

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.