Steffy v. Sheila, plus, just what is really going on with Eric Forrester

Baby Daddy Jack became Sheila's enforcer, Eric forgot he's battled ED for decades, and Sheila needs her own protective order against Keith and Steffy! Here's why we think Eric is faking it and why an ED story might be better suited for the stallion of the show. Plus, Jack just killed two marriages with one Sheila. An unfiled marriage certificate is the get-away-from-Sheila card Steffy never knew she needed on The Bold and the Beautiful.

Greetings, Scoopers. This week's earth-shattering events left me disconcerted, terrified, dejected, and maybe even a little turned on. Let's dig in!

All that "sexy time" this week got my blood pumping, no offense to Quinn and Eric's constricted blood flow. Come to think of it, Quinn could use a day off from sex, so it's good she sat this one out. The romance between couples was fun, but the deets of Jack and Sheila's affair left me feeling scuzzy. "Shack" gives new meaning to the phrase "shacking up." Grody to the max.

I need to know what in the supply-closet-conception hell is going on in hospitals these days? Sexy time in medical supply closets, bumping and grinding up against needles and respiratory masks? Sweating all over bandages? We can't have sanitary facilities with biological samples all over the supply closets! It's a hospital, not a brothel, Shack.

If the details of Finn's conception didn't leave you reaching for the bleach wipes, then maybe Keith, Sheila's next lover/stalker/minion/fool did. Why is this man constantly showing up at her door, and why is he all up in her business? He's creepy enough for me to revoke his skeleton key card to her room. Better do it quickly before she returns to find him on her bed, naked in rose petals, uttering, "You had the little guy. Are you ready for a big guy?"

It was sexy time for almost everyone last week. Brooke in Ridge's shirt, Steffy in her sizzling red, and Hope making Liam's eyeballs fall out in her emerald green. But no sexy time for you, Quinn! None for you. Eric is so racked with guilt about his erectile dysfunction, he could hardly say those words, let alone perform. He claimed his brain is working, but if it is, why can't he remember the blue pills he's kept in the medicine cabinet since even before he married Donna?

Eric, do you have ED or dementia? Quinn, help him find those pills. Your sex life depends on it. All Eric has to do is Google. The Internet is full of rich-man/broke-penis solutions -- unless...is the ED an excuse not to sleep with his wife until he is certain she wants him and not just sex?

I don't feel sorry for Eric and Quinn, but I do feel sorry for Finn. If anyone ever sympathized with Wyatt for his genetics, get a load of Finn's. With diabolic parents like his, Hell is a place on earth. Finn strived to do the right thing for his family, but his greedy, selfish, biohazard parents bowled right over him and probably destroyed his marriage in the process. Meanwhile, oblivious Li sits with her hands folded at the hotel. No wonder Jack cheated on her right under her nose at her place of employment. She never questions anything he does or where he is.

Let's get two scoops deep into the explosion that was Mount Saint Stephanie and what the fallout means for Finn, Sheila, and Jack going forward. We'll reveal our suspicions that Eric's ED storyline is either terribly written, without regard to history, or a masterful tale of Eric gaslighting the cheaters who gaslighted Eric. But first, we'll puzzle about the origins of the Li/Jack/Sheila triangle and ponder whether Jack got Sheila pregnant on purpose.

People for ages have wondered which came first, the chicken or the egg. When Sheila and Jack revealed the lustful affair that created their only begotten spawn, I wondered which came first, Sheila's craziness or Jack's manipulation. Is it possible that Sheila was a young, well-adjusted nurse or lab assistant who Jack ruined with his closet rendezvous and who he manipulated out of a child? Could Jack have targeted Sheila all along to get himself and Li a baby, and did it drive Sheila crazy enough to later steal Scotty from Lauren?

It's a good theory. It gives meaningful motivation to Sheila. It explains why Sheila was always so desperate for children and a family. It also works within a timeframe when she had a clean rap sheet and could be a nurse. Back then, Sheila would have been nave and vulnerable enough to have a literally closeted affair in her own workplace and then be talked out of her baby. On the other hand, a more seasoned Sheila might have killed Jack or Li rather than give up her child.

By the time Sheila got to Dr. Grainger, she was drugging men to sleep with them and get pregnant. She already would have been too much for Jack Finnegan to handle and way too clever for him to manipulate. Those are other reasons I like the pre-The Young and the Restless days in Michigan as the timeframe for Sheila's affair with Jack, but there are other theories.

Sheila and Jack indicate that Sheila had problems, wasn't stable, and couldn't give Finn the life he deserved. This description could be indicative of Sheila when she was on the run with Mary. Perhaps Sheila somehow faked a nursing license and worked in Connecticut during that period. That could be why her life was too unstable to take on another child, Finn. Jack would have had the upper hand on Sheila if she'd been a fugitive, which would have made it easier for him to take Finn from her.

To me, Jack Finnegan sounds like a sleazy, unemployed moocher off his wife. He thrill-cheated on Li in her own hospital. What is his profession? Why was he always "visiting" Li and winding up in the supply closet with Sheila? And how does one get pregnant in a hospital supply closet? With all those supplies, there wasn't one condom? No Plan B?

There might not have been any Plan B, but I think Jack's Plan A was to impregnate Sheila on purpose. According to Sheila and Jack's depictions of events, Jack acted as if he'd hit the jackpot when it happened. He immediately began talking her into giving him the baby. One would think that a man trying for a baby with his own wife wouldn't even have enough spare juice to fertilize Sheila's valley, but there Jack was, going into extra innings to make it a reality.

What do you think? Was Jack so desperate to give Li a baby that he targeted Sheila to get the job done? It makes me wonder what the staff at the hospital thought of Sheila's pregnancy, whether she sought care at the same hospital, and if she knew who Li was. Had she and Li met or even worked together?

I'd also like to know how long Sheila stayed on at the hospital after she'd given Jack and Li her baby. It would have been awkward to see Li daily, knowing Li had her child and also knowing Jack used her for the baby. There seems to be no love lost between Jack and Sheila, and the affair was abruptly over the moment Finn was in the picture.

Jack doesn't want Li or Finn to find out about the affair or Finn's supply-closet conception, but we all know this secret will get blown to the moon. Finn's a forgiving man. Look at how easily he forgave Steffy for cheating on him. Can Finn muster that same type of forgiveness for his cheating father? Can Finn forgive Jack for concealing their true relationship to each other?

Between Sheila and Jack, Finn and Hayes inherited some hella dubious genes. Steffy is right to worry if Hayes will come down with the "sickness." He also has the crazy Douglas and Hamilton genes to contend with. I wouldn't be surprised if, one day, Amelia hangs herself and Mrs. Baylock, Damien's nanny from The Omen, shows up with a Rottweiler.

And why not? It's not as if the guards at Steffy's gates are checking what goes on there. Or are they alive? I wonder if anyone checked on the guards lately.

Some say kids never listen, and they make the same mistakes as their parents. Not Steffy. When her elders told Sheila stories, Steffy took notes. She knows who Sheila shot, when, where, and why, and Steffy ain't about to let history repeat itself. Steffy has guards and is working on the slowest restraining order in history. If she has to, Steffy will install a fog catcher in case Sheila shape-shifts her way in, or Steffy will turn the airspace over her house into a no-fly zone for broomsticks.

Steffy can sense evil in her gut. Must be a trait she inherited from the great Sheila Hunter, Stephanie Forrester. That sense drew Steffy home to find that her poor husband had been tag-teamed by his manipulative biological parents. Jack's selfish butt orchestrated the whole thing, even opened the door and let the evil fumes waft right in, filling every crack of the house. He really thought he could get rid of Sheila by giving her what she wants. I've got news for Jack. He gave her what she wanted in the supply closet, and she's still here.

Not only is Sheila still here, but she's using family titles. She calls Finn and Hayes son and grandson. She calls herself mom and grandma. These are not titles people use when they know they are not part of the family. To worsen matters, when Steffy mentioned the restraining order, Sheila got offended that Steffy would put Sheila in jail for wanting to see her son.

If Sheila intended to never see Finn again, why would she make such a statement? It's because Sheila has already thought beyond the restraining order to getting arrested after she breaks it. She's two steps ahead of Steffy, and Steffy won't be able to just slap away a person who's that determined. And Sheila is not a gnat to be slapped. I'm guessing the third slap will be the charm that unleashes the beast.

To keep Hayes safe, Steffy is prepared to tell Jack to go to hell -- and probably Finn, too. Unfortunately for Finn, the marriage certificate hasn't been filed. As unfathomable as it is, these newlyweds had time to go surfing, go to work, and sit on the tarmac for hours, but they did not have time to file a marriage certificate. You know what that means for a marriage on this show.

Steffy has done well at immediately recognizing Sheila's manipulations. I hope Steffy sees that "divide and conquer" is Sheila's long game, and invalidating her marriage is playing right into Sheila's hands. It will give Sheila more time to work on Finn alone, and it will leave Steffy and Hayes vulnerable to a stealthy visit.

Steffy fights coming straight at people, but Sheila fights underhandedly and by using others. Sheila preys on people's vulnerabilities and emotions. Slapping Sheila in front of Finn won't help. Hitting his nonviolent birth portal is getting old, and it garners Sheila sympathy. Beating Sheila means exposing her or letting her burn herself out. Or take two stakes, stab her in the front and back, and bury her headfirst in quicksand. I'm out of ideas if that doesn't work.

Speaking of things that don't work, let's talk about Eric.

Before I even get into this storyline, my first question is: Does Eric even really have ED? I question it because Quinn and Eric recently bragged about having the best night ever with each other back on June 11th. He didn't seem fragile or afraid of sex back then. In fact, he and Quinn wondered how they could top themselves. He claims the ED has been going on since he began rejecting Quinn before her affair, but ED doesn't just crop up like the common cold. Quinn would have seen it coming -- or not coming, as the case may be.

Plus, Eric is known to take Viagra. When Eric was dating Donna, before he'd even married her, Pam had been sabotaging their relationship. She'd messed up Donna's tan, and I think Pam turned Donna's hair green. Pam also replaced Eric's Viagra with sleeping pills to make Eric fall asleep on Donna during her sexy jungle cat roleplay session.

Did Eric forget he takes Viagra? Have the pills become ineffective for him? Has he not browsed the Internet for the plethora of other management options for this condition? Why is ED such a serious problem for Eric? Is there a penile implant shortage we don't know about? Or is Eric simply lying to Quinn and using it as an excuse not to have sex with her until he knows for sure that she wants him more than she wants a rigorous sex life?

Eric has no problem tricking people. Once, he tricked Sally Spectra Senior into thinking they were engaged. Another time, he pretended to be blind to keep Brooke by his side. Most recently, he gave Quinn fake divorce papers to test her at the end of the Ridge-kiss storyline.

Because of these examples, I think it's within Eric's wheelhouse to pull one over on Quinn and Carter. Why would Eric do it? Because he does love Quinn. He loves her and wants her back but suspects she's still with Carter. Maybe Eric doesn't suspect that she is still cheating, but he needs the security of knowing that she'll stick by him even when they aren't having sex.

Or maybe the writers have just done a poor job in depicting Eric's history with ED and Queric's recent sex life. As it stands, it seems like the first half of this storyline was erased, and the writers decided to start over as it should have been at the beginning -- with Quinn trying to support an insecure Eric through ED before finally succumbing to an affair.

Perhaps Eric's ED is sudden because it's mental. It could be that he can't sleep with Quinn or be attracted to her because he's so disgusted by her and her affair. I recommend he spend the night with Donna to test this theory.

Brooke and Ridge are livid about Eric's reconciliation, and they have every right to be. Whenever Quinn hurts Eric, he goes right to Brooke and Ridge and blabs all his problems. They always have to clean up the mess. When Eric threw them out this week, I wished one of them had told him, "Don't come crying to us when you once again figure out we're right. Be warned: We will be doling out the 'I told you so's' like cigars."

What I found funny about that scene with Bridge is that Quinn mentioned her vows were for better or worse. But isn't she the one who cheated when it got worse? Next, Quinn asked if Ridge and Brooke had ever strayed in their marriage. They didn't answer, and she guessed they didn't want to go there.

Well, I want to go there because Brooke and Ridge never "knowingly" cheated on each other while married. There was that Pose wall sex with Oliver, but Brooke thought it was Ridge. And there was that grief sex with Nick; however, Ridge had been presumed dead, and Nick had had sex with Brooke seconds after she'd attempted to walk into the fire to kill herself. Have they kissed folks while married to each other? Yes. Have their carried on sexual affairs like Quinn. Nope. Quinn can take a row of stadium seats on that one.

Anyway, if Eric is not testing Quinn and actually does have ED, where is this storyline going? Are we to sit through Quinn calling doctors and showing Eric the latest penile implants while in bed? Are the writers planning a cuckold or polyamory story? If not, it sounds like just another round of Carter and Quinn playing "catch me if you can" while Eric remains oblivious to their cheating.

I'd prefer the writers try something fresh and give the most virile man on the show ED -- Bill Spencer. Can you imagine how many mountains he will climb, how much bungee-jumping, cliff-hanging, and other extreme sports he'd take on to prove his manhood to Katie if the stallion's neighs have become a little softer in bed? It would be the ultimate "man versus ego" storyline as Bill learns the vulnerabilities and limitations of Dollar Bill Spencer.

If Eric really is having ED, I suggest that he talks to his family. They apparently are pros at "sexy time." They proved it this week. Ridge and Brooke would happily share half-naked hair-brushing and massage techniques that get the old blood pumping. Finn and Steffy could suggest some pre-sex affirmations. That practice cleared the stress away for a rocking good time in their bed. Hope and Liam would probably advise Eric and Quinn to surprise each other. Let it happen anywhere at any time -- as long as the kids, or Zende, that is -- are out of the house.

Speaking of making sure people are not in the house, Quinn and Eric might have to watch for Finn, too, which means they'll also be on the lookout against Sheila invading their sexy time.

Next week, previews bear out what we've talked about above. Steffy uses the unfiled marriage certificate to her advantage. She relegates Finn to the guesthouse. I'm assuming that's at Eric's place. We now know why Zende never requested that Paris stay there. It's apparently because it was already designated as Finn's temporary abode. Just because Paris won't live there doesn't mean she won't be there, though.

I wondered who'd get Paris in a breakup custody battle, and now we know -- Finn. Paris will continue to lend her ear and her support in matters that do not concern her between married people, and Zende will weigh in on his cousin's side of the disagreement. I'm harsh on Paris about it because she's the one who advised Zoe not to trust Quinn. So why would she advise Finn to trust Sheila?

Beetlejuice Brooke and Ridge-Scissorhands will keep butting in Eric's business, and he will keep directing them right back out. Brooke was the only one to suspect Carter loves Quinn, and when the truth comes out, I want Brooke to sashay around Forrester with an "I told you so" sash on her chest and an "I'm Queen" crown on her head.

Carter makes an admission to Quinn. Oh, Lord, don't tell me. He caught the ED, too. Somebody warn all the dudes that it's going around. All that cheating and double-dipping is hell on the blood flow. But if you stay faithful, you'll stay strong all night long.

If Jack thought he did his part to defuse Sheila, I have one word for him: Wrong. I would suggest he go to the hotel now and mind his own business from here on out, but Sheila will probably follow him over there to threaten to tell Li the truth if Jack doesn't do something about their slap-happy daughter-in-law. I can hear Sheila now with that demon whisper of hers. "Do something about her, Jack, or I will. And it will be permanent."

Let us know what you think of the week in the comments below. And until we scoop again, as a wise friend once told me, slap Sheila once, shame on you. Slap Sheila thrice, and you're doomed! Stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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