You're dead to me

As Halloween approaches, Katie faced the Grim Reaper thanks to her transplant tragedy. But there are three other undead characters who really deserve to be ghosted. Dance on their graves with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you grow your Snidely Whiplash mustache back? Did you channel your one-time mortal enemy? Did you decide to serve your aunt some kidney pie? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Fulton clan this week!

If there's something strange...on your TV screen...who you gonna call, Scoopers? Ghostbusters! Ow! Bustin' would make me feel good, if it meant Thomas, Flo, and Shauna had been busted longer than five minutes for their Phoebeth fakery. Instead, those zombies are running around eating the show while poor Katie is lying in a hospital bed with another life-threatening ailment. Let's Scoop about it!

NOT A GHOST OF A CHANCE

I thank you for your patience while I was away the past three weeks, first catching Madonna's concert in New York (twice!), then doing some unavoidable work stuff. I come back to get updated on B&B and what do I see? Thomas, Flo, and Shauna still on my screen. Excuse me, why are these people still here? Even worse, Thomas is as much of a d**k as ever, and it looks like we're trying to put a halo on Flo's head.

Let's start with Thomas. He's a real Catch-22 -- by rights, any character who torments a child (which may be a soap first; at least it is for B&B) should be either taking a dirt nap or doing time -- in the pokey or at least a mental facility. So, what does this fool do? He comes back and bullies his son some more! I know Thomas is a legacy character, and Tridge already lost a kid, so it's not that easy to make him bite the televised dust.

But wow. Here it looked like Thomas getting knocked off a cliff by Brooke (which I maintain she didn't do on purpose) actually knocked some sense into the four-different-portrayers designer, but before the hospital could take away his unfinished Jell-O, he was back at it again, scaring Douglas and bitching out Brooke. You know, even Sheila spent three years trying to reform, hopeless as that was.

Now, what's this I hear about Taylor counseling Thomas? Even if we had the Taylor of yesteryear (oh, how I miss her)...well, if we had the Taylor of yesteryear, she wouldn't counsel her son because, um, counseling her son. Clearly unethical and major conflict of interest. But Taylor -- as far as we know since we never see her anymore -- hasn't been playing with a full deck for a year and a half now.

And we don't even know what drove her crazy! (Don't tell me it was the thought of Bill violating Steffy, because there had to have been a preexisting condition that made that misconception push her over the edge. Like mother, like son: we're hearing all this hooey about how Caroline's death messed Thomas up, but I'm not buying it. Thomas' dark turn was purely for plot purposes.

Maybe I could work with this guy if he actually followed up his teary admissions to Ridge with some real redemption-earning behavior. But you better call Dundee 'cuz those tears were pure crocodile. Now he's scheming to get Brooke out of Ridge's life! Why??!! Steffy was the one with a grudge against Brooke; Thomas was usually on his sometime stepmom's side.

Is he suddenly deciding he couldn't have Hope, so he'll take her mom? We'll never know for sure if Bromas did the berry bop back in 2011, but one thing that was obvious was that Thomas sure had the hots for Brooke then. That's the only explanation I can think of for Thomas targeting Brooke out of nowhere. He didn't even try to change for the better. So, he can miss me with that foolery.

Would Ridge be so quick to try to move Thomas into Steffy's pad if he knew his son had bribed Danny the bartender/Forrester model to fink to Brooke about Ridge's slumber with Shauna? I can't believe Ridge is still in his "Thomas just made a mistake" mode. Thank the soap gods Steffy wasn't having it. She wouldn't buy Thomas' puppy-dog-eyed pleas, even with someone else's money!

"I can't have Thomas here," Steffy declared to her pop. "I decide who stays in my home." Yaaaasssss queeeeeeeennnnn! "You're so concerned about Thomas when I was the one who was lied to." There's so much loopy logic on this show lately that I really needed to hear Steffy calling Ridge out on his BS! Steffy's feathers were further ruffled by Ridge when she found out he'd had cuddles with Shauna.

Steffy flamed Ridge for setting Flo free and then turning around and drunk dozing with Flo's mom. "No wonder [Brooke's] upset with you," Steffy sniffed. Did you ever think you'd hear Steffy taking up for a Logan, and Brooke of all people? I love 2019 Steffy -- compassionate but still taking no crap. "I just wanted to see Flo get some kind of punishment," Stephanie's namesake sighed.

No kidding. Bad enough we're living through a time where the good guys get persecuted and the bad guys get away with everything. We don't need to see that in our entertainment; it's all the more reason folks in this fictional world should be made to pay for their crimes. Ridge only thought about Thomas going to prison. Maybe Taylor and Thomas can get a family rate at Sing Sing!

LIKE, TAKE A LONG WALK OFF A SHORT PIER

Another two I don't really ever need to see again are Flo and Shauna. These girls are tryin' it. Thankfully, Brooke ain't about it! Queen Stephanie is probably looking at Brooke from heaven (assuming Gangsta Granny went there) and applauding, the way Brooke has learned from the master and is slapping everyone in sight! Like Oprah, Brooke looked at Thomas and Shauna and said, "you get a slap, and you get a slap...!"

There have been many times over the years where I was not a fan of Brooke's actions, but I am totally Team Valley right now. My only gripe is that she's probably making too big a deal out of Ridge snoozing with Shauna, considering all the sexy "mistakes" she's made. Other than that, Brooke is spot-on. Thomas is a wack job, and Brooke telling the Fultons, "Why don't you leave the city?" is the true-true, to quote Cloud Atlas.

Seriously, why are Flo and Shauna still here? I've whined enough about that my last few columns, but I can't watch them. I'm listening, but I'm unable to hear them. Flo is a short-term part being dragged out into long-term story, and Shauna is just plain useless. Okay, she's entertaining, I'll grant you that. Not just anybody could coo about Ridge wanting to stay with her to the point where Brooke chucked a vase!

Little bit of slut karma there, eh? Flo kept peddling her forgiveness bulls**t like it was a cheap watch at a flea market, but Brooke was not sold and told the Fultons she never would be. I can't believe the whole show is currently being built around a mother-daughter duo that should have been written off by now. I also can't believe we still haven't seen Reese pay for stealing Beth. Yes, I know -- we never will.

WE'RE GOIN' TO KIDNEYLAND

Well, in Katie's own words, "it feels like déjà vu, doesn't it? My life depending on a donated body part." I'd been thinking the exact same thing! What is Katie, a car? First, she needs a new engine, now a new radiator? So, imagine my surprise when I found out Katie's kidney failure was actually caused by her heart transplant in 2008? Or, more accurately, caused by her anti-rejection meds.

That's plotting rooted in history. As was Bill trying to Spencerize the donor wait list. Just when I was telling myself, "Why isn't he pulling strings to get Katie a kidney?" he started ordering the doctor to bend the rules and let him buy Katie's way to the top of that list! Because isn't that what he would do? I admit, I balked at Batie Part III, but Bill does seem unquestioningly devoted to Katie. This month, anyway.

For all the dialysis Katie was getting, she was in increasingly deep doo-doo. Katie's kidney was getting more and more damaged, and the likelihood she'd last the three to five years while on the donor wait list was pretty much zip. And she was only on that list because none of her relatives was a match, so they couldn't give Katie their own kidneys. But what's all this stuff about the donor having to be a family member?

Amber surely wasn't family when she donated a kidney to Rick after he was injured in a car crash in 1998. (Hey, Rick is Katie's nephew -- maybe he could give Katie Amber's kidney! Talk about regifting.) And we'll get to more about Amber in a bit, but...it was said that Katie had Storm's heart, and he passed all the tests. What tests would he pass? He's been dead over a decade!

Not to worry -- Brooke would put out the word to their cousins! Oh, sorry, Donna already did that. Wait, back up -- what cousins? I upkeep our character profiles and Katie doesn't have any cousins that we know of. Come to think of it, why didn't Stephen come back to see if his kidney is a match for his daughter's? Did Hope get tested? What about Donna's son, Marcus?

At least, in between crying that it was time to put her affairs in order, Katie received a sweet offer of a kidney from an earnest Will. Emotionally manipulative scene, yes, but unexpectedly genuine. So, flashing back again, Amber donated her kidney to Rick, impressing the Forrester-Logan clan. Who's an enemy of that same clan today? You got it -- Flo, who, like a bad rash, we just can't seem to get rid of.

FLORENCE, PATRON SAINT OF CASINOS

Well, if it worked for Amber, I guess it's gonna work for Flo, since B&B seems intent on keeping this accomplice to baby switching around. Basically, Katie' going through this whole life-or-death ordeal so we can put Flo on a pedestal and forget about all the shady ish she did. Of course, none of that would have been set in motion if Brooke hadn't blurted out not being a match in front of the Fultons.

Shauna was on it, as Jeff Foxworthy once said, "like a pit bull on a three-legged cat." And glory be, all she had to do was Google how to donate a kidney. The Fulton felines got in to see a transplant coordinator the same day. Dude, you can't even get into Jiffy Lube the same day. It was a chance for redemption, Shauna beamed, and Wyatt would see how wonderful Flo was and ditch Sally, blah blah blah.

Oh, but pshaw, Flo didn't want to explore being a kidney donor to impress the Forrester-Logan-Spencers after the way she rained down hell on them. She was willing to hand over an organ all for the sake of giving poor Aunt Katie the gift of life. And man, is the show ever fast-tracking Flo's application for sainthood. Everyone from the donor staff to the nurses gushed about how selfless Flo was.

Obvious much? I'm sorry, but this glow-in-the-dark play to canonize Flo isn't going to work. It's not going to erase her committing an illegal act by pretending to be Beth's birth mother and spending months lying about it while her supposedly new family crashed and burned around her. Oh, how I'd wished these blood tests Flo submitted to would prove she wasn't a Logan, after all, and we could be done with her!

I mean, for real! The only "proof" anyone has that Flo is Storm's daughter is some jive-ass ancestry site declaring there was a 52% DNA match between them. Flo worked in Vegas -- she would know instantly those are really crappy odds! I would have loved it if it turned out she wasn't a match for Katie because she wasn't even family. But that's the way the donor cookie crumbles.

Back in Katie's hospital room, all gathered round as Katie gave Will the death speech. You know, the one with cryptic remarks about how wonderful Will was, and how she hoped her son had an awesome future, and always remember how much I love you, and all that. The only reason I didn't mind the on-the-noseness as much is because Heather Tom simply rocks these kinds of scenes. Victoria Newman would be proud!

Having sent Will away with Donna, who came back a year ago to great fanfare and still has no story of her own, Katie drew Brooke close and insisted there was something her older sister had to do for her. Get together with Bill! Oh, right, that was last time Katie was dying. This time, Katie just wanted Brooke to take care of Will. Did that still imply a reunion with Bill to you? I wonder how Brooke would take care of her nephew otherwise.

And just as all looked lost, the doctor came in with miraculous news. A donor had been found in the nick of time! No one knew whose kidney Katie was going to get, because the donor had chosen to stay anonymous. There was joy and celebration as anyone with Logan or Spencer as a last name hailed this nameless benefactor a guardian angel, a hero, a "wonderful person" who had "become part of us."

Sainthood complete! By November sweeps, Forrester Creations (is anybody still working there?) will be turning out a line of designer halos with Flo as the lead model. Flo surprised Shauna with her decision to not let the Logans know she was Katie's donor. "I don't want to risk their turning me away," Flo noted. Oh, you mean like you turned away that $50K Reese gave you? Funny how she never told anyone about that.

IT'S OPERATION, THE WACKY DOCTOR'S GAME

Katie and Flo's surgeries were scheduled for the next day. Flo was ready to go, thanks to the therapy sessions she had preparing her for the operation. When did we have time for that? I also don't remember anyone, on-screen, anyway, counseling Flo as to how her body would function with one kidney. Given this storyline is a heartfelt PSA about kidney disease and donation, isn't that info kind of important?

So, after all was said and done, Flo would have one kidney, while Katie would have three! You heard right! Katie's own kidneys would be left in place, while the surgeons would kind of do some jury-rigging and install Flo's kidney somewhere nearby. Actually, I did find that part of the proceedings pretty fascinating. I surely didn't know that was a thing.

Of course, the Logan sisters were on hand in the waiting room...or at least the hallway, because I don't think this hospital actually has a waiting room. Bill held vigil with them...and Justin showed up out of thin air, cementing his friendship with the Dollah. Ridge came by, as well, and reached out to Brooke, reminding us of their connection and my hope that they get past this Thomas/Shauna rift.

But Bridge picked a really weird time to play truth-or-dare. Maybe it was that life-is-precious vibe that permeates when someone is in surgery, but Ridge took that moment to tell Lope about his snoring with Shauna. That was kinda out there, wasn't it? What, he didn't want them to hear it from one of the Fultons? Hope and Steffy were separately in agreement that Ridge had really bad taste in drinking buddies.

Later, Brooke made solemn overtures to Ridge, now more able to understand, with Katie in surgery and having seen her with Will, how a parent should be there for a child. But this led to Brooke insisting that Douglas should stay with Hope and Liam instead of going back to Thomas! Hey, Logan, I agree, but why spring that on Ridge in that circumstance? Way to blow the makeup attempt.

Brooke also wanted to be clear she would never forgive Flo and Shauna, of course not knowing they were in the same hospital! Shauna lurked outside a different operating room, actually praying that the Logans would again open their hearts to her daughter. Shauna prays? Anyway, with her walking around freely, you know she's gonna run into Katie's crew! They can probably smell her cheap perfume through the whole wing!

Once aunt and niece were wheeled into their respective ORs, we were treated to a pretty nifty montage of their surgeries; George Clooney and Noah Wyle would approve. This was how we ended Thursday and moved into Friday. Very cinematic. With amazingly bloodless hands (so much for the ER comparison), the doctors got Flo's kidney out of her and delivered it to Katie in the adjoining facility.

Is it awful that I had this flash of, "Now that Flo has donated the kidney, I wish she would die on the operating table"? I admit, that's pretty harsh. I just don't know if donating an organ is enough to strike the "Felony" off of "Felony Flo." Especially when both day players and cast members kept going on about how good and amazing the donor was. An honorary member of the family!

Well, for a soap, both patients came through their surgeries with absolutely zero complications. I half expected one of them to flatline. Will returned with Donna and said the most grown-up thing out of the room of grown-ups once Katie was wheeled into recovery: "But some people don't wake up." It added a touch of realism, of course driven home by it coming out of a kid.

Will had gotten this info online, which kinda highlighted the ups and downs of attending Google University! Then Bill rightly asked about organ rejection, to which Dr. Davis replied if it was going to happen, it would be in the first six months, but "it could be years." Wow, now Katie has two vital organs that aren't hers. Is that another soap first?

Amid the jubilation in Katie's gigantic hospital room (I think Amber and the original Sally Spectra were the only ones who ever had to share a room, you know, like real people), Katie announced that she wanted to meet her donor. Flo was informed, and Shauna convinced her daughter to reveal herself. The anonymity bit was before the surgery, to make sure Katie accepted the kidney.

So, while Katie and her fam waited to find out who would be the next contestant on So You Think You Can Donate a Kidney, Shauna walked right into the room! The dynasty was about ready to call security on her ass, but Shauna wanted to do some way-paving first. She announced to one and all how worried Flo had been about Katie. "Please," Hope scoffed. Still, Shauna persisted. Flo had wanted to do something.

In was wheeled a patient by an orderly -- with her back to the camera. Nice touch, I gotta admit. And didn't everybody just about plotz when the wheelchair was turned around to show Flo's face! Gasps abounded. Expressions of disbelief were contagious. Then we saw close-ups of eyes: Shauna's to Brooke's, Flo's to Katie's. Also a nice touch. And that's where we left things!

I have a bad feeling, from the sweet underscore usually reserved for when a character croaks, that Flo is about to find the forgiveness she's been looking for. Do you think Flo donating a kidney is enough to make up for her part in the Phoebeth scam? Should Flo and Shauna still be written off the show? And do you feel Thomas has overstayed his welcome, or is there hope for him? Dig in to the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column!

Hell, if Flo can get a clean slate from donating an organ to Katie, maybe Reese should give it a try! He could donate his eyeballs, and Katie could start seeing visions from his life like Bobby Reno on Another World! Kickin' it old school! One-Kidney Flo is out in the open, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember: no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful!

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