I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now

This week, Zoe got a father, but mother Taylor came back to put Liam, Bill, Hope, and Brooke on blast! Only question: why is the former normal shrink cray-cray? Lie down on the couch with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you try to microwave a cold case? Were you not happy that Father's Day came in November? Did you prove you dropped out of therapy too early? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Buckingham clan this week!

Look what you made me do, Scoopers! Why can't the old Taylor come to the phone? 'Cuz she's dead! Yes, the Taylor Swift track applies perfectly to one Taylor Hamilton Hayes Forrester Forrester Marone Jones: "Honey I rose up from the dead/I do it all the time!" Or at least twice, tying Sheila's record. But why is B&B's one-time voice of reason now the voice of utsnay? So much to unpack here. Let's Scoop about it!

I'D RATHER HAVE FATHER CHRISTMAS

Zoe, still a relatively minor character that viewers haven't really warmed up to yet, developed some soap roots in the form of her father, Dr. Buckingham, played by Wayne Brady, the host of CBS' Let's Make A Deal. Yes, another CBS crossover, though at least Mr. Brady has plenty of acting chops, unlike the Big Brother folks -- and anyone who can improv for years on Whose Line Is It, Anyway? is cool by me.

But why is Zoe getting a daddy now? As an OB/GYN on an apparent exchange program from London, Reese (a name we only know from descriptions, not anything that aired) showed up out of nowhere and was kinda bummed when Zoe didn't jump up and down upon seeing him. I rather reserved that activity myself. To begin with, why doesn't this guy have a British accent? His daughter does, and she was raised by him in the UK.

There's at least a mystery aspect: the only other thing we know about Reese is that he wasn't thrilled when Xander "abandoned" his daughter. We found that out when the graphic-artist-turned-model inadvertently butted in on the Buckingham reunion. We also learned that Reese disapproved of Zoe following Xander to L.A. "Are you and Xander...?" Reese asked, delving into whether the couple had recoupled, obvi.

Indeed! Emma cut Xander loose, but he spent their whole non-relationship drooling over Zoe, anyway. What exactly did Zoe do to drive Xander away? All we were told is that she could be "possessive." Does Papa Reese know Zoe threatened Emma via cyber-bullying? Maybe his presence will answer some questions about this girl; he hinted that she didn't have "the most stable upbringing" because of him. But we'll leave that there.

LT. FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE

At Spencer Publications, Bill confused Justin by stating that Spencer Tower was kaput because Bill had "other plans for the property." Do I remember right in thinking Bill gave Liam the lot for a charity endeavor? Too bad we couldn't actually get Spectra Fashions rebuilt; Bill owes Sally a lot more than he does Liam, in my opinion. Bill attempted to lighten the mood with an amusing, if not entirely accurate, Muhammed Ali impression!

With Justin still saying humbug (which I'd guess is because he's finally contract but still doesn't have a story), Bill calmed Mr. Barber's discomfort with Bill's continuing interest in Brooke with, "Aw, are you jealous? You need a hug!" Justin's response was, "Get off me, man." Any other Bill/Justin shippers out there? Maybe it's time for Bustin! I keep hearing Prince's 1989 cut Batdance: "Keep bustin'!" What a soundtrack for them.

But all this merriment was for naught when Lt. Sanchez waltzed into Bill's high-rise office. Who is he, again? Oh, right, the cop responsible for finding out who shot Bill. Gee, that was only nine months ago! Why is the show resurrecting this story arc now? Like the attempted murder case, that thread went cold before it was even summer, and we're nearly through with autumn and into winter.

Ignoring the fact that he should have solved his case ages ago (what is it with soap cops being crap at their jobs?), Sanchez started nosing around again, wanting to know if Bill had any more information that could help him track Bill's shooter. Bill said he didn't. I fully need to add Keystone to Sanchez's cop title. Surely Bill isn't the only lead. "It's as if you don't care if we get to the bottom of this," Sanchez observed.

THOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID MANY TIMES, MANY WAYS

Sanchez is right to feel he's being thrown off the scent -- we know Bill promised Taylor he wouldn't send her up the river for blasting a hole in his lung. And wouldn't you know, the world-renowned shrink herself was suddenly over at Steffy's, visiting baby Kelly, after being AWOL since cake-slapping Brooke at Liam and Hope's wedding. Taylor spoke of all the therapy she's been getting and all the progress she's made.

But au contraire, mon frere! Taylor started ranting to Steffy about how Bill had ruined everything...except when she thought Brooke and Hope had ruined everything. I was reminded of perhaps the only Taylor/Sheila scene that existed before Taylor's infamous (accidental) shooting by Sheila -- Sheila admitted she'd been in therapy, and Taylor quipped, "Maybe you dropped out of therapy too early."

Look in the mirror, Taylor, because, 25 years later, those words describe you. That was clear as Taylor again went on about the possibility of Bill changing his mind and putting Taylor in jail anyway. She couldn't stop reliving the shooting...and we know this because Taylor had flashbacks while telling Steffy every detail, all of which Steffy has been aware of since Taylor's confession. Ah, that exposition, Scoopers, that exposition...

Okay. So, you shoot somebody, and your victim agrees not to turn you in. What do you do? Well, if you're Taylor, you come back to the scene of the crime...and then go to the very company your victim owns. Why did Taylor risk exposure by showing up at Spencer? There was no evident connection between Taylor and Bill that anyone knew of, and now she's made one to Justin, who could testify to her being there.

For a few minutes, Taylor seemed much more solid, apologizing to Bill again for plugging him and politely asking if he still intended to keep his word about not going to the police. Bill confirmed they were all good. But Taylor didn't leave it at that. She got so worked up in reminding him that Steffy and Liam would still be together if Bill hadn't shagged her daughter that Bill got up and tossed Taylor's ass out!

Can you imagine if Taylor found out Bill tried to blackmail Steffy by threatening to imprison Taylor if Steffy didn't marry him? Taylor's head would pop off! And that tidbit should come out; it's just one of many loose threads B&B is famous for. Hard to believe this is the woman who once took Bill on as a patient. Taylor is off her rocker, and I keep coming back to one question the show's not answering: why.

WHOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO? WHO WHO?

Let's hit the Wayback Machine and revisit Taylor's legendary arrival. In 1990, she was a cancer specialist giving the original Caroline palliative care...until she became a general practitioner...oh, wait, she's really a psychiatrist. All right, we'll forgive that, since the show stuck to that profession from there after. Taylor Hamilton Hayes was the very definition of grace and compassion, not to mention common sense.

Taylor had a sense of humor, but she could also deliver some fiery toe-to-toes with Brooke and even Stephanie, all the while maintaining her composure and her integrity. That's the Taylor I remember. So, how did she go from that to the screeching, borderline insane figure we see before us now? This is information we're entitled to, and it would really connect the dots with this current story and make it more enjoyable.

Getting no answers on my screen, I'm left trying to psychoanalyze Taylor myself. Five cents, please. It's not like Taylor hasn't endured many actual traumas over the years. Forget the umpteen battles with Brooke over Ridge -- Taylor nearly froze to death in an earthquake, and was mugged so viciously she went into a coma, resulting in amnesia. She set herself on fire and burned her face, then almost died from tuberculosis.

That was just the '90s! In the aughts, Taylor thought baby Steffy had been eaten by a shark and was kidnapped and menaced by crazy Morgan. Then Taylor got shot in the heart and "died" again, coming home from Prince Omar's TLC-by-imprisonment only to become a raging alcoholic, kill Darla with her car, and give birth to a baby created from hated rival Brooke's egg. Finally, Taylor lost daughter Phoebe to a car accident.

Any one of these things could give someone PTSD; Taylor is a survivor! But Taylor really hasn't been right since her return in 2005. I always wondered if a conversation was had where Hunter Tylo said she was tired of playing Taylor as a goody-goody, so her wish was granted -- after all, Taylor has been much edgier for over a decade. It's as if Omar cloned her and sent the imperfect double back in her place.

With so many potential reasons for the butter slipping off Taylor's noodle, the show would have an easy time explaining the reason for Taylor's current mental state. But their lips are sealed. I'm sorry; you can't just put this version of Taylor, the polar opposite of who the character is, in our faces and expect us to simply buy the transformation. Hunter Tylo is killin' it, but we need a rationale, and we need it now.

AND I'M CRAZY FOR LOVING YOU

Continuing her very busy day, Taylor ran to Forrester and went ballistic finding Hope in the CEO digs. Hope had stolen Steffy's life; now she was stealing Steffy's office, too! Hope couldn't believe what she was hearing, and frankly, neither could I. First, Taylor used Hope's keyword and insisted that Steffy had been robbed. (Ooh, not that again.) It was all Bill's fault! Or not, because Hope was just like her mother!

If all this conversational hydroplaning is meant to illustrate Taylor losing control of her wheel, it's working. She shifted blame from Bill to Hope, whom Taylor roared should never have come back from Europe. "You never got over him," Taylor sneered, "not even a country away." The same could be said of you regarding Ridge, Doc! But Hope seemed to channel the Taylor of Olde, adopting her level-headedness and empathy.

All that extra estrogen even gave Hope some extra chutzpah, because she stood up to Taylor like a pro. "Steffy made her choice," Hope said of Still's one-nighter, "and she accepted accountability for that. And if you can't accept that, I'm sorry." Hope reminded Taylor that she and Steffy had come to terms and were giving the blended family with Liam's daughters a go.

Taylor 1.0 would have admired that. Not this version, who got so far up in Hope's face with her raging, I was actually afraid Taylor would cause Hope to lose her baby! Brooke, Hope, and Liam had been so giddy with baby clothes; that usually means a miscarriage is on the way. Thankfully, Liam burst in and went off on Taylor, even escorting her out! Man, when Liam gets tough, it makes me weak in the...knees.

Of course, Liam was fresh off an intense convo with Steffy, who gleefully suggested that Taylor babysit Kelly. Knowing Taylor had shot Bill, Liam advised against Taylor being near her granddaughter unsupervised. "What if something sets her off?" Steffy, having just seen her mother turn into a puddle of goo over the prospect of being sent to the pokey, went into an amazing amount of denial.

Bill coming over and telling Steffy how Taylor had been "wound a little tight" and "worked up" during her unannounced visit should have set Steffy wise. But Steffy pulled a Taylor, asking Bill if he meant to keep his promise about keeping Taylor free and asking again after Bill already confirmed it! What, someone thinks we have to hear something twice before we get it? That's what "rewind" on our DVRs is for, B&B.

TRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

Needing sympathy because she'd been booted by two Spencer men in one day, Taylor visited the Forrester mansion and was greeted by an aproned Ridge! He'd been doing dishes. Seriously? When has the Speedo King ever set foot in a kitchen? Plus, don't the Forresters have a maid? I still miss Maria...the way she crossed herself and said "¿Ay Dios mio, Cheela?" when Stephanie got a visit from the naughty nurse!

Thorsten Kaye has been in the role of Ridge for five years as of December, but his Ridge never had any interaction with ex-wife Taylor, except a brief hello at Lope's wedding in August. So, this week, we got the first true Tridge scene post-recast. I don't know how I felt about it! I guess it was kind of like when nuRidge came back for Brooke in 2013; I'm used to them now, but it took quite a while for that to happen.

It will be the same with nuTridge, but this was a start. Unfortunately, Tridge was still on the same page about Bill having taken advantage of their daughter. Oh, for soap's sake, can't these guys accept their daughter's word for it already? She rode the Stallion quite willingly. Deal with it and move on. Instead, Taylor got another ear to rant to, with Ridge agreeing that everything was all because of Bill!

Hold up! If Ridge hadn't popped off to Taylor with his inaccurate contention that Bill had violated their innocent (ha ha) daughter, Taylor would never have jumped a plane from Paris and put a bullet in the barracuda! But even Ridge had his limits; when Taylor turned her vitriol on Hope, Ridge said he didn't think Hope had done anything wrong. Wonder if Ridge can tell his one-time love is seriously off?

DISCO INFERNO

What the hell is it with Brooke, Taylor -- and Ridge, for that matter? Liam, Hope, and Steffy have finally gotten off the triangle-go-round and are acting like adults for the first time since this wretched rivalry kicked off seven years ago; despite the mess they made, they are all working to make the blended family they created work, which is the most interesting twist this trio has ever had.

Yet their parents are the ones acting like children! Brooke tried to inflame paranoia in Hope, warning her daughter not to let Liam have more time with Kelly than with Hope's own baby. Essentially ignoring Hope's message of "I got this," Brooke accosted Steffy and "advised" her to back off once Hope had her baby so Liam could focus on that child. "Where is this coming from?" Steffy asked, confused. That's what I said!

"Are you projecting your history with my mom onto me?" Steffy added. Touch, Lingerie-Clad One! Steffy delivered another "oh, no, you didn't" by remarking, "I'm not my mom, and Hope is not you." Steffy told Brooke she needed to step off! But Brooke must have pulled from her 25 years of being whipped by control queen Stephanie, because she wouldn't leave it alone. Which raised the ire of the entering Taylor!

For all Taylor's irrationalness this week, this was the one place she was right to step in and tell Brooke what time it was. However, Steffy's expression was pure "Oh, s**t," and she tried to talk her mama down. Mama, on the other hand, wanted some face time with Brooke, so Steffy left them to it. Given Braylor's last private conclave, I hope Forrester has a decent janitorial crew on staff. Clean-up on aisle ten!

LET'S GIVE THIS A SHOT

Rattled by the way Taylor bitched Hope out, Liam felt Hope had a right to be clued in about what Taylor was really capable of. Unlike most other B&B secret-tellers, he at least looked behind him first to make sure the door was closed...then admitted to Hope that Taylor had been the one to shoot Bill! Hope couldn't believe it; that wasn't the Taylor she knew. You said a mouthful there, HO for the Future.

"Had she been drinking?" Hope wanted to know, which is the most astute inquiry anyone made this week, and the first and only hint into Taylor's motivation. You know, that would actually make a whole lot of sense. On the flip side, Steffy was most distressed when she found out her ex-husband had tattled to his new wife. Steffy felt that Liam's loose lips had increased the chances Taylor would go to jail!

Not knowing her former rival added attempted murder to her to-do list, Brooke went up against Taylor as if it was still 1998. Admittedly, Taylor got some goodies in. "All the love and attention must be paid to the privileged blondes in the room," Taylor seethed, "while the crumbs go to the dark-haired peasants!" Taylor even affected a British accent. And she's not entirely wrong. But she's not entirely brunette anymore, either.

Taylor wanted to know when Brooke got so entitled -- and that's actually a really good question. Brooke was amazingly pompous about her daughter's welfare this week. Taylor was appalled that Brooke seemed to be defending Bill (also 100% spot-on) and declared that Brooke was a horrible person who had ruined her family! Come on, Taylor -- Brooke's no angel, but it's time to stop trotting out that old horse.

While Brooke absolutely tried to steal Ridge from Taylor during their 1992-1994 marriage, said nuptials only ended because Taylor was presumed dead in a plane crash and Ridge gravitated back to Brooke. Tridge's 1998-2002 wedlock was broken because Sheila's bullet created another false death; all Brooke's pursuit of Ridge during that period had nothing to do with it.

Finally, when Taylor ended up remarried to Ridge because Stephanie faked a heart attack, Tridge tanked because Ridge found out Taylor had slept with James during the aforementioned earthquake and kept it secret for years, all the while demonizing Brooke. And let's not forget that Brooke actually raised Thomas, Steffy, and Phoebe while Taylor was "dead" from 2002-2005. Taylor never even shows gratitude for that!

Brooke was wrong to chase Ridge while he was married to Taylor, and La Logan is certainly guilty of many other things in that same vein. But Taylor never actually lost Ridge because of Brooke's interference. Taylor wasn't about that, though -- she hated Brooke more than anyone else in this world! Wow, I thought Bill had that honor. And just when Brooke actually seemed spooked by Taylor, Hope came in and busted things up!

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

"Whatever crimes you said [Mom] committed, you're not that innocent, either," Hope declared..."and you know it." Whoo-hoo! Who knew Hope Logan had such balls? I half expected her to start bashing stuff in like she did with a golf club at Bill's house. But then Hope went back into shrink mode, trying to sympathize with Taylor's feelings and talk the woman down from the ceiling.

Did that scene make any of you think of when Taylor tried to talk the gun-toting Sheila down? Talk about tables turning! Hope gently tried to suggest to Taylor that, if being back in L.A. was too triggering, maybe Tay-Tay should split town. Well, Taylor's reaction was even more volatile, and she actually snarled that Hope would regret it if she interfered in Steffy's happiness! Dude, the gentle doc is starting to out-Sheila Sheila!

Taylor found out from Pam that Liam and Steffy were in heavy conversation, thankfully arriving after Liam told Steffy about the Hope blowout...and that Hope now knew Taylor had used Bill for target practice. Taylor apologized for having gone off on Hope, perfectly sincere...and seconds later, went on another anti-Bill/anti-Hope rant. Steam looked at each other like, "Hmm, maybe we'd better lock her in the steam room!"

Downstairs, Hope couldn't believe how different Taylor was now. Brooke disagreed, saying, "No, no; that is Taylor." Well, maybe Taylor from about 2010 on. Remember how shrill Taylor used to get when she thought Brooke was coming on to Thomas? Hope emphasized that there was more to it...she implored her mom not to say anything...but it had been Taylor who'd shot Bill. "Taylor?" Brooke gasped. "Taylor?!"

Where are you at, Scoopers? Are you cool with Taylor's craziness, or do you need more info as to why she is? What did you think of the interaction between nuTridge? And what do you think Brooke will do with this revelation about her former competition? Have a session in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I don't like the fact they are making Bill out to be the injured party, Bill has interfered with everyone else's lives, Ridge just gave him a little payback which he deserves more of." -- "mem65"

"I'm just waiting for $Bill to blackmail Brooke into leaving Ridge because if she does not he'll put Ridge in the pokey. But $Bill is playing it coy right now so maybe he won't be as pushy with Brooke as he was when he was blackmailing STEFFY with putting her mama in the pokey." -- "evave2"

We're now officially in holiday season! Will Taylor be all "peace on earth, goodwill towards men," or will she make the Forrester-Logan-Spencer family #1 with a bullet? Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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