With the quickness

Will's custody hearing got preempted by another hearing, but Katie and Thorne's wedding happened quicker than a ray of light. Is Korne vs. Bill unfolding too fast? Get up to speed with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you and your spouse stand on opposite sides of altars and judge's chambers? Did you actually not like having a mirror held up to you? Did you rush your wedding like a Supreme Court nomination? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

Psyche, Scoopers! While Chanel is temporarily indisposed, the role of Two Scoops columnist will be played by me. And if you thought our switcheroo was fast, let's talk about Korne. (Thatie just doesn't sound right.) Three months! That's how fast Thorne and Katie went from rebound get-together to dating to wedding to custody case. Did the latter two of those happen quicker than a ray of light? Let's Scoop about it!

FASTER THAN THE SPEEDING LIGHT SHE'S FLYING

Bill was not happy when Brooke told him that Katie and Thorne were getting married faster than they could print up wedding invitations, and that's with one of those professional 100-pages-per-minute printers. Bill felt the hurried nuptials were a calculation (he's not wrong), and Brooke worried how Ridge and Katie would react if they found out Brooke was secretly shipping Billiam (my smoosh name for Will and Bill).

I'm amazed Brooke isn't more worried! Given how Katie just barely forgave her for Brill, and knowing how hotheaded Ridge can be (in both Moss and Kaye forms), you'd think La Logan would be stepping lighter than lightly. Could it be maybe Brooke remembers Stephanie trying to take her kids from her twice (Bridget and Rick in 1996, Hope and R.J. in 2007), and that's why she's digging her heels in about Bill's rights?

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see how the former string-betrothed Ridge and Katie take it when they learn Brooke has been working against them, but this time, it might be Brooke dumping Ridge via text message when she finds out Ridge is playing Pin the Tail on the Judge. Even Eric seems to know the boy he raised well enough to realize that Ridge is this gung-ho over Will's custody because Ridge wants revenge on Bill.

Ridge outright admitted his siding with Katie was a vendetta; this on the heels of Eric calling Ridge out on suddenly being Team Thorne after years of lording over his "little brother." There were a lot of great continuity bits like that this week, and you know I don't heap that praise lightly. Ridge deemed Thorne decent and moral and even agreed to be Thorne's best man!

That was a fun scene, too. Ridge proclaimed that the maxim "never assume" was the secret to a long and successful marriage, to which Thorne popped off, "You knew that all along, and you've been married how many times?" Like the Kool-Aid man, I was shouting, "Oh, yeah!" Was it just me, or did Thorne finally seem like Thorne again this week? It was like the character and Ingo Rademacher finally found each other. Me likey.

Brooke, on the other hand, agreed to be Katie's matron of honor, but Brooke's first duty as such was to try to talk Katie out of suing her ex, again. Katie wasn't about it, which prompted Brooke to flame Eric and Thorne for siding with Katie. "You sound like Ridge," Logan growled. "You all do!" Could Bridge's reunion truly have happened as a Brill rebound? Because Brooke is far more supportive of Bill than she is her "destiny."

AND I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT HOME

Well, cut to Katie getting ready for her wedding and suddenly the oft-missing Bridget and Donna are just standing there! I guess maybe a special reveal wouldn't have had much impact this time, since we just saw aunt and niece a month ago for Lope's ceremony. Don't you think we're having weddings too often and too close together these days? Donna and Bridget probably just slept over, waiting for the next one.

And because B&B's foreshadowing is usually about as subtle as the heart attack Eric once had, Donna strolled through the Forrester living room, thinking back to the vows she and Eric exchanged not long before he was felled by that ailment. Maybe it's only natural to recall an event when you come back to where it happened, but why do I feel it's all to start up another triangle, this time with Eric in the middle of Donna and Quinn?

We already went there in 2013, anyway. Donna purred about the freshly widowed Eric, only to have Quinn cat-scratch her seven ways to Sunday. But when I think about it...Quinn's been far too good lately. The one-time dragon lady even played with Will, which is far scarier than it looks. Maybe when Donna comes back for keeps in a few weeks, it will bring out the loony in Quinn's bin once again. Would y'all welcome that?

SHE'S GOT HERSELF A UNIVERSE

I appreciated B&B's attempt to explain why all weddings now seem to happen at the Forrester mansion: Eric likes them there because it brings the family together. Okay, Eric, I'll give you that, because it's you. But we all know it's because of budget constraints; throw the familiar set together, and let's go. I don't need the flashy remote weddings, but even Eric married Sheila in a church. At home all the time is static.

You know it's bad when Liam jokes about how fast Forresters throw weddings together. It's true, though this one was so low-key, hardly anyone was there! Katie and Thorne must have felt like Eric and Quinn, who married in that empty room almost exactly two years prior. I wish Forrester Creations would do a line of wedding dresses. With all the brides the last 20 to 30 years, they wouldn't have to design anything new!

Korne's wedding was played for tenderness and devotion, but it was only after they were married that I realized I'd like them so much more if we could have just taken time with them. Katie broke up with Wyatt in June, Thorne "moved on her like a bitch" the same day, and now, as September ends, we're supposed to believe they're in love love love. Not that it can't happen that fast, but Korne flashed up like a California wildfire.

So, yeah, I'm still having a hard time with Korne as a couple. And where was that sumptuous wedding march being piped in from? Because clearly no one sprung for an orchestra. Another question: did y'all see how Thorne gave Brooke a leisurely once-over as she came down the aisle? Mmm-hmm. He looked like he still wanted some o' dat.

Thorne told Eric and Ridge that his relationship with Katie was the fresh start he'd been looking for when he came home from Paris. No, dude; actually, that was Brooke -- one more reason I'm not fully on board the Korne train just yet. But nobody paid any attention to history, recent or ancient, as Carter put on his officiator hat (hope he's making some serious bank from all these weddings) and got the party started.

Ridge read a strange Bible verse about how it's better to lie down with someone than lie down alone (a mantra he's pretty much lived by since we first met him in 1987), and then Will got pulled into the proceedings by his mama and almost-stepdad. I liked that, but it made me wonder where Will was when Katie remarried Bill, and during the first post-Kaye Bridge not-wedding where Katie fainted.

Wouldn't it have been hilarious if this time, Brooke fainted to stop Katie's wedding in its tracks? No such luck; Katie and Thorne babbled about something or other, and Carter proclaimed them man and wife. Amazingly, the ceremony happened all in one episode, instead of getting spread out over two like usual. Another example of how fast this wedding moved? Hmm. Something to think about.

DO MY TEARS OF MOURNING SINK BENEATH THE SUN

So, apparently, Thorne and Katie tabled any honeymoon in favor of playing games with Will. Which is, of course, Soapspeak for, "ain't gonna be no honeymoon." Notice how B&B newlyweds don't go away after their weddings anymore? It's either staycations or no-cations. An additional victim of budgetary concerns, I suppose. Katie and Thorne just gushed about how they were actually married...and about the hearing the next day.

Quelle romantique! Bill was more amorous nearly taking Justin's hilarious suggestion to grab himself a bride and march into the judge's chamber -- especially when Bill considered marrying Alison! Now, how perfect a match would that be? Alison already worships the ground Bill builds skyscrapers on. Hell, Emmy wouldn't turn down a turn as Mrs. Spencer. Though I still say Bill and Justin should just tie the knot already!

Bill sulked and scowled, knowing Katie was marrying Thorne across town, correctly surmising that "any judge should see through this sham." Yet it took Justin to tell us that Bill was thinking about busting up the ceremony! Bill backed down, saying he didn't want to confuse Will more than he probably already was, which was maybe the most loving thing the Dollah has ever said about the boy.

You know, it's rather ironic -- here Bill is, ranting and raving about how nobody is going to keep him from his son...and he's not doing diddly squat about it. No influencing the judge, no working on Will, not even putting a banana peel under Thorne's shoe. Bill is uncharacteristically making a lot of noise but not even trying to make a wave. Is he perhaps still on the pain meds from his shooting that no one's mentioning?

Bill decided the only move left on the board was to go see Wyatt and Liam, who were chillin' and spillin' at the beach house. Liam noticed that Wyatt had already painted over Zoe's mural. Why was that plot point necessary? What, Wyatt finally decided he was pissed about Zoe trying to frame Sally for those anti-HFTF posts and opted for some Sherman Williams retribution?

Maybe Zoe finding out Wyatt defaced her art will be what drives her over the edge, because her acting all normal while we know something cray-cray she did in London pushed Xander away isn't working for me. Forgetting their story that most of you guys don't seem to like for a moment, Wyatt and Liam's hang time was preempted, much like Thursday's episode, by Thursday's child, Bill.

The old rhyme says, "Thursday's child has far to go," and that couldn't be truer, since Bill totally had far to go with his adult kids. They looked like they'd rather pick lice out of their hair than listen to Bill's attempts at contrition. "I've been so busy ruining both of your lives that I ignored the one person who needed me most," Bill said of Will. Dang, Dollah, you finally got that clarity of mind that you missed in your meditation retreat.

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying Wyatt and Liam barely tolerating their father in light of all the shady ish Bill did to them. It's just far more realistic than instant forgiveness, plus it makes for good conflict. Bill hoped Liam and Wyatt would keep Will in mind as they testified on opposing sides of the custody hearing, not wanting Will to bear the curse of growing up without a father like the grown-up Spencer bros did.

Meanwhile, Ridge and Brooke's cold war over Bill and Katie's custody fight reached levels so frigid that Brooke even turned down a shower with Ridge. The dressmaker got even more bent out of shape when Justin called in the middle of their disagreement to inform Brooke that she was being subpoenaed to testify on Bill's behalf. "You're still gonna defend Spencer now that he's pitting you against your sister?" Ridge wanted to know.

And Ridge's point would be so well taken had he not used Brooke's "totally organic" Herbal Essences time to once again badger Judge McMullen on his secret Blackberry. Do people still use those? Ridge must have been a master of texting on a 2000s flip phone -- he tapped out his 23-word demand in four seconds! Scoopers, that's 345 words per minute! Ridge fully missed his calling as a data entry clerk.

I like how the show is using the history of Ridge's 2014 spill from Bill's helicopter as part of his motivation. But if there were ever any doubts that Ridge wanted Katie to be Will's sole guardian purely for altruistic reasons, those were shattered as Ridge recalled Bill rubbing Ridge's nose in how much Steffy wanted the Stallion D. It was something Bill was happy to "give her...give her...give her..." Yep, Ridge, we're onto you.

FOR THE CALL OF THUNDER THREATENS EVERYONE

By Thorne's own confirmation, not even 24 hours after his wedding, he and everyone involved in Will's custody case (except for Will...normal or not normal?) wandered into McMullen's chambers, causing the court clerk or bailiff or whoever to bark, "Who let you people in here?" Um, maybe the staff at the metal detector, which McMullen attributed to a delay? Made me wonder if that was a precursor to how the case would be run.

Only slightly more shocking than the sight of Bill wearing a suit (which he only does for weddings) was the sight of Carter and Justin going toe to toe with each other. Both of these guys (who are related by adoption through Marcus) have admitted they have little or no experience in family law! So why are they heading a hearing in said arena? Quinn commented Carter did it all, "from wedding ceremonies to court hearings." No kidding.

Seriously, Carter is like the Bobby Reno of B&B. Remember Bobby, Robert Kelker-Kelly's character on Another World? He went through occupations like Brooke goes through wedding rings. Why can't Carter and Justin do this lawyer stuff but also get their own storylines? I'd suggest Donna hook up with Carter, though that might be weird with her son being his adoptive brother. Not that that stops this crowd.

How much synchronicity was there in Will's hearing going on at the same time as a much more dramatic real-life hearing? I still think B&B's is hinky, but at least they spelled it out more by saying Bill violated his custody agreement. That makes sense; we should have been told that weeks ago. But when Bill wanted to get closer to Will, Wyatt said, "You'll probably get that opportunity regardless of what happens."

So, then, what's the point of Katie filing for sole custody? Thankfully, the holes in the story were quite satisfyingly filled by delicious chunks of continuity. No sooner had Thorne taken the stand than was he grilled about his parenting skills. "Perhaps your daughter had some mental health issues," Justin mused. "Nothing to do with the way she was raised, I imagine." Ouch!

Thorne refused to let Justin equate Aly's reaction to Darla's death with Will's potential reaction to losing Bill, who was still living. But that was just the beginning of mining the show's history to make points in these scenes. Carter thrilled me by calling Ridge out on his decades-long animosity toward Thorne! After that, Ridge went so far as to accuse Bill of attempted murder and named Justin as Bill's accomplice!

Like that real-life event we could mention, being accused of a crime should be enough for Bill to lose custody "with the quickness." Instead, the judge overlooked it because the helicopter dump happened outside the U.S., and therefore, Ridge never filed criminal charges. Ooh, nice swerve. But dig Justin calling Ridge's words "outrageous accusations!" If Ridge could prove Justin's involvement, so could an investigator.

Speaking on Katie's behalf, Ridge said he had known her since she was sixteen, which is still a killer nod to history, even with different Katies and Ridges. However, Ridge had only known Bill "about ten" years. Ding ding ding -- Bill showed up in 2009. Man, too bad there's all that SORAS going around, or this chronology would be 100% accurate. Because of SORAS, I laughed when Katie said Will would be a man before they knew it!

If Ridge really wanted to stick it to Bill, he should have had Taylor testify. Ridge doesn't know that "Doc" put a hole in the Dollah, but she's still on board with Ridge's "he violated my daughter" contention, and Taylor would have had no problem repeating that to the judge. Shame Steffy won't come in and report how Bill tried to blackmail her into marriage by threatening to send Taylor to jail. Bill would be toast then!

Liam was under oath next, and things got sticky when Carter asked if Bill had ever hit him. Liam thought about the punch; now that's a well-placed flashback. "He's not a child!" Bill insisted. "He was trying to take my company!" Also a nice nod to history. But then Liam, who has a bigger reason to carry a grudge against Bill than anybody, wondered what good Bill and Will could do for each other.

Liam's do-gooder DNA strikes again! But what a twist, considering Liam was there to testify against Bill. Given how plot-driven B&B can be, it's cool to see this character trait of Liam's portrayed as consistent and factoring into the story. But did you see McMullen's reaction when Liam said his father had slept with his wife? I literally LOLed! Man, it was priceless! Bet Joe Lando's Sully never ran into that on Dr. Quinn.

Speaking of whom, maybe Quinn should testify against Bill, too; her reasons for keeping Wyatt away from him would probably inform this case mightily. Soon came Katie's turn to take the "stand," where she found herself fielding questions from Carter about how she risked her life to have Will, and how Bill wanted her to have an abortion! Another great piece of the past!

But Katie nearly got me verklempt when she remarked that Bill had only been scared and that he'd ultimately supported her through her risky pregnancy. Tawk amongst yerselves! Prompted by Justin's accusations that the Forresters were using her, Katie gave a speech that started, "I am tired of some people in this room thinking I don't know my own mind." You go, girl!

There was something in her demeanor that had me making a connection between Nancy Sloan's teenage/young adult Katie and Heather Tom's Katie that somehow I never made before. Of course, there was no Friday cliffhanger because of the preemption, so the week ended on Katie declaring she would not let anything or anyone jeopardize her son's well-being.

Still to come, that we would have seen Friday, is testimony from Wyatt, Brooke, and Bill himself. Though, with Katie's medical records having been subpoenaed, I have to wonder if Justin is through with her yet. Wanna bet her Will-ditching postpartum and drinking-out-of-broken-glasses flirtation with alcohol comes up next? It would be lit if Katie turned it around and reminded Bill of driving into Brooke's car while drunk in 2013!

What do you think, Scoopers? Should Katie get sole custody of Will? Should Bill? How do you think this hearing will affect Bridge? Do you like how the show's been drawing from its history lately? And do you think Katie and Thorne's relationship was too rushed? Submit your evidence in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Does Brooke have no loyalty whatsoever?? Can she simply not mind her business? The whole custody thing is stupid anyway, Katie still can't force Bill to show up, and he wasn't even thinking about Will until she decided to sue him...in any case everyone outside of Bill and Katie needs to MYOB, especially Brooke." -- Mel

"I think a new face is needed in town. Bill should meet a super hot lady that has the same go-for-broke killer style as him. They could work together to take over the world but her mysterious past haunts her. Brooke acts jealous and wonders if the shady lady really loves Bill or if she's going after Spencer Publications for herself." -- Ernie

"Love love love Steffy, can't stand Hope." -- "handsomep"

That seems to echo the majority of you, who weigh in as Team Steffy these days! Personally, I was just as happy to not have Leffy/Lope on my screen this week, and I suspect next week will also be about the adults in the room as the decision and fallout from Will's custody hearing reigns. I'll be with you again then, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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