In the Still of the night

While Wyatt played pizza boy with Katie and Queric wondered if Sheila was back, Steffy decided to outdo Liam's kiss with Sally! It's six years of Still with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you offer your secret girlfriend an extra slice of your pepperoni? Did you channel Goldilocks and ask, "Who's been sleeping in my bed?" Did you satisfy six years of curiosity? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Spectra clan this week!

Happy November Sweeps, Scoopers! In the interest of putting it all on the table the way characters do during February, May, and November, I want to say that I feel like I've been getting a little too bitchy about our soap. I mean, if you've been reading my columns for any length of time, you know snarkiness is half the fun of writing these for me, but it may come off sometimes like I don't like B&B at all!

You know how, when you have a longtime friend you know is capable of more but whose effort isn't matching it, you just want to shake them by the shoulders and say, "Dude!" That's how I feel about B&B. Insanely talented actors, kick-ass production values, but the stories aren't always well-thought out and it drives me crazy when details and continuity kind of fall to the wayside. "Dude!"

I've been watching/following the show since 1988, and I always want it to be the best it can be. So if I go a little overboard ragging on it sometimes, it's only because I know there's so much potential to mine. This week did a much better job of living up to it. After six years, we revisited Still in quite the unexpected way. (Well, eight years if you count Steffy's first flirtation with Bill.) People either love or hate Still, so let's Scoop about it!

RUBBLE TROUBLE

Backtracking a bit, I have to say that the scenes of Liam and Sally trapped in the wreckage of Spectra were top-notch. The set design and suspense were well worth it, with Bill and Steffy making their way through to find them. It's just the kind of thing I'd hoped B&B would do since that parking garage collapse on Y&R in 2007. My only regret is that more people weren't in danger and that it didn't last longer, but well done!

I can't quite figure out whether Steffy overreacted to Liam and Sally's we're-probably-going-to-die kisses or not. Based on her freak-out, she'd probably pop a blood vessel if she knew her mother Taylor went a lot further than that with super shrink James Warwick when they were likewise left to die in the snowy remains of the Big Bear cabin after an earthquake in '94. Of course, at least they could move their legs!

No, Steffy did not take Liam the Kissing Bug's admission well. "So instead of screaming for help," she fumed, "you started making out?" Steffy couldn't believe her husband had swapped spit with her worst enemy. Isn't that label a little extreme? Steffy acts like Sally's at least a grudging friend half the time; remember, Steffy was the one who pulled Sally to safety after finding her in the debris of Spectra.

HOPE FOR THE PAST

Liam better put Febreze on his shopping list, because he fully stepped in it, telling Steffy she was second to no one. "Where have I heard that before?" Steffy spat, rightly bringing up Hope and railing against having to compete against her former stepsis for Liam's affections. "And you know what's crazy? I could actually deal with that because she's a decent human being!" Never thought I'd hear Steffy say that about Hope!

Maybe Steffy was just that upset, because she reminded Liam that she always had to look over her shoulder until Hope left for Paris. Whoops! No, Hope left for Milan and is still there, as far as we know. "You're making this sound like we had an affair," Liam told his wife in regard to Sally, and I couldn't disagree. Those demarcation lines are moving these days, but isn't sleeping with someone else far more cheatworthy than two kisses?

Yeah, I thought Steffy's meltdown was overkill until I remembered that her relationship with Liam began with Liam putting Hope's still-warm engagement ring on Steffy's finger. And in that context, Steffy freaking was more her sore spot about Hope getting poked than anything to do with Sally. In my experience, a romance never loses the flavor of how it starts. Steffy saw Liam's Waffle Boy persona emerging again and wasn't about it.

I also wonder if Steffy is still grossed out by the idea of Liam having had sex with Quinn, though he was the amnesiac "Adam" at the time. Remember when Steffy first heard about the cabin coitus and called it "disgusting"? That must have been on Steffy's mind, because she told Liam she found the thought of him kissing Sally disgusting and walked out on him, sniffing that she was disgusted. Shades of Quiam?

FANTASY ISLAND

It was nice to see Coco again -- and even nicer to see that she and Sally actually have an apartment, considering I thought they had to be sleeping on the floor of Spectra every night. But the sisters talked about Sally's burgeoning feelings for Liam for two episodes. Though Thomas did Sally wrong, I was kind of bummed to hear Sally talking about how she fell in love with Liam. Also...rebound much, Sally? She fits right in.

Coco must still be in high school, because she pulled the rather juvenile prank of calling Liam and handing the phone to Sally. Better than having a pizza delivered to a stranger's house. Coco let her fingers do the walking as a result of Sally's fantasy, in which Sally envisioned being married to Liam. We knew Sally had quite the imagination; she proved it by picturing Liam's house in perfect detail when she's never been there!

Sally also saw herself as successful, being able to hire "all my designer friends," like Stella McCartney, Tom Ford, and Donatella Versace, to name a few...pretty fanciful, considering they all have design houses of their own and wouldn't rent out. Would Sally fantasize about living in the same home Liam shared with Steffy? Good thing she doesn't know Hope and Ivy also got their mail there!

Bill may not have been fantasizing about Steffy outright (if he did, it probably wouldn't be anything you could show until after midnight on cable), but he waxed lyrical about his daughter-in-law so much that even Wyatt could smell the testosterone. Bill's been huggin' a pillow for over a month since Brooke left; since this is the man who built a sex palace adjoining his office, it's not surprising he's walking a little funny, thinking of Steffy.

ONCE YOU GO STALLION YOU NEVER GO BACK

Which was odder: the fact that Bill could track Steffy to the Forrester guesthouse while computer geek Liam (who once found Eric by tracing his phone) couldn't, or watching Liam and Wyatt talking about Steffy? It just pings a little, since Wyatt was himself married to Steffy; I can't imagine it wouldn't be a little uncomfortable for him, despite having moved on with Katie. Pizza Man -- he delivers. Right, Wyatt?

Liam and Wyatt seemed to reach a level of brotherly affection regarding Steffy's walk-out then suddenly locked horns again over Bill and his obsession with Sky. But that wasn't the tower Bill was thinking of as he comforted Steffy, not minding her running mascara (oh, Steffy! No waterproof?) and telling her, "I don't think Liam has ever realized how uniquely special you are." And there it is!

Don Diamont and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood have more than once spoken in interviews about how they've continued to play the subtext of Bill and Steffy's attraction and near-lovemaking, though it's been years since Still's aborted romance. So it was strangely thrilling to hear Bill finally addressing it and telling Steffy maybe Liam wasn't the man for her, after all.

And doesn't it really go back to this? Maybe Bill's marriages to Katie and Brooke didn't work out because Bill still had a thing for Steffy the whole time. Maybe Liam couldn't fully commit to Steffy because deep down, he knew he was a rebound for his own father; after all, the same day Bill ditched her, Steffy fell in love with Liam because Liam saved her from drowning in her bathtub. Wouldn't it be a trip if it was Bill and Steffy all along?

I hated Still in its 2009-2011 phase. Steffy was barely legal with daddy issues up the wazoo, and Bill was perfectly fine with cheating on his devoted wife Katie because she got mad about things like Bill arranging to have a pregnant Amber fall off a cliff. But it's different now. Steffy's all grown up, and Bill...hasn't grown at all, but at least he isn't cheating now that Brooke made Bill eat her dust along with Spectra's.

I know -- both Bill and Steffy are married. Technically, in Bill's case. As for Liam, I don't feel bad about Steffy cheating on him because we've had to watch him bouncing like a bad check between Steffy and Hope, Steffy and Ivy, now Steffy and Sally...Steam is on their third marriage in six years...and, as I said, they were never going to lose the tone of how they started. I'm ready for some Still!

SOMEONE'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED, AND IT'S STILL WARM

Bill's breathing got heavier as he told Steffy she was perfect and that she could never fail a man (somebody better ask Wyatt about that). Their faces got closer...and closer...the next thing we knew, Steffy was waking up in the guest room bed. But didn't she bolt up, getting a glimpse of Bill's muscled thigh! Well, so did I, but I was all "What the hell? Bill and Steffy finally did it, and I didn't get to see it? Crying foul and more foul!"

There seems to be a lot of disagreement among B&B viewers. Many of you think Still already had sex, and others insist it never happened. So let me set it straight: it never happened. In 2011, Steffy took Bill to her room and clothes were coming off, but Taylor knocked on the door and put a stop to the whole thing. Steffy even insisted to her mother, "We haven't made love, but we would have." The proof is in the video. Settled!

At first, I thought Bill and Steffy in the guesthouse was someone's dream, but Steffy was in full-on trip-out mode as she grabbed her clothes and ran like she was in training for the Olympics, while shirtless Bill looked as if he were thinking, "And you're leaving all this?" Then Quinn, retrieving a box from her doorstep, heard a car door slam and thought Sheila was back for Round III of Steal Eric. Quinn wouldn't figure it was the UPS guy?

Have to admit, in regard to Sheila, Quinn said all the right things. Where did Sheila get the money for the portrait and to bribe Mateo? (Apparently she sold a Genoa City property...dubious, but why not.) Quinn said she was surprised Sheila wasn't a more worthy foe, given her reputation, called Sheila's massage plot lame, and remarked that Sheila was off her game. Has Quinn been reading my columns? Good on you, Quinn!

Eric got in a zinger, too, when Quinn suggested they host a bonfire in their backyard to burn Sheila's portrait with "all the people Sheila's destroyed, or tried to." Eric insisted the backyard wasn't big enough and that they'd have to book Dodger Stadium! Yaaaaaas, bitch! But my only question is, why did Eric still have the portrait in the first place? He should have just handed it back to Sheila after she got caught siccing Mateo on Quinn.

Worried that Sheila was lurking on the grounds, Quinn waved Eric to the guesthouse and discovered that the lights were on, but no one was home. The bed was mussed, and there were three bowls of porridge...sorry, wrong soap. Doesn't Bill seem like the kind of guy who would be drenched in expensive cologne? If so, Quinn didn't pick up the scent. Instead, Eric found Steffy's bracelets in the bathroom; mystery solved. Sheila it was not!

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, IT'S A DUCK

Little reference to JMW's Girl You Knew there. (Careful, NSFW!) While Katie and Wyatt were playing Pizza Hut and needlessly worrying about Bill being angry about their romance (please; he'd be more torqued his son looked like one of the Mario brothers), Steffy came home to Liam and cried off whatever mascara she still had on, thinking of...holy soap gods...thinking of burning up the sheets with Bill! It did happen!

Have to say, that was probably more unique than just showing Still doing it in the conventional way. It was almost hotter seeing quick flashes of it than a lingering scene. So we didn't get punk'd after all. But Liam sure did! He called poor Carter, looking for Steffy, and asked him to come over. Man, when is Carter going to get his own story? Plus, that boy needs some luv; we only ever see him when he's lawyering or officiating.

Steffy freaked so hard, I'm surprised Liam didn't catch on. He did get that "Huh?" look for a second, only to think it meant Steffy was forgiving him for kissing Sally. And points to Steffy for trying to tell Liam what happened with Bill; in true soap fashion, Liam kept interrupting Steffy's "I'm the one who's sorry" and "What a huge mistake" declarations. Then Carter arrived...and Liam decided he and Steffy should renew their vows!

Hold up! Is this just some strange rehash or a purposeful attempt to bring things full circle? As you'll see if you look at that 2011 Still video I linked to, Bill was on his way home to tell Katie he was leaving her for Steffy when he got ambushed by a surprise vow renewal. So this is either everything-old-is-new-again or poetic justice for the ages. Steffy kept trying to spill, but Liam suggested she "tell me in the vows."

Come on, Liam, you just earlier that soap day were so racked with guilt over kissing another woman, you should be able to see that same look in your wife, who keeps talking about making a terrible mistake and can't stop sobbing. Hopefully it was Steffy who took a shower at the guesthouse, otherwise it could get skeevy if Liam wants make-up sex. Steffy, tell Liam you're too tired tonight for nookie!

Meanwhile, Bill was obviously satisfied, in more ways than one, thinking back to how he didn't say no to crack. That peek of Bill's glutes totally reminded me of that special primetime episode of Y&R in 1995 where Don Diamont's Brad showed his butt. Brad/Bill's still got it! Anyway, Bill decided to stock up the jet and the Stella Maris for a romantic rendezvous. Is that the only roll Bill has?

Justin thought Bill was whisking Brooke away for some marriage repairing, suddenly worried about the rules when Bill wouldn't give him a passenger name for the plane manifest. Bill just said to write down "Mrs. Spencer," which currently isn't wrong. So Bill thinks one boof means it's time for a relationship, and apparently, he has no problem running off with his son's wife. Wait 'til he finds out Steffy recommitted to Liam! Boom!

What did you think of the Still sexing? Talk to us in the the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"No demolition crew would blow up a building on just the word of the owner without first checking that everyone was gone especially since they knew there were people in there minutes before." -- James

"So [Spectra] didn't get a 30-day eviction notice?" -- Margie

"Among the many, MANY laughable things was Justin calling Wyatt with "no one can know what Bill has done". Dude he was demoing in the midst of LA. First you would probably have to notify every adjacent building owner. Then you would have to block off streets [and] you would have looky loos and demo fans outside all the blocked areas. Also people have drones now, including news stations. My guess is that Bill and his boo boo would be splashed on every rival media [site] in the city. Also...the demo crew [would not] take the fall and would be talking. Not even [Bill] has enough money to bribe everyone, unless he was elected dictator of LA while I wasn't looking." -- Sharon

"IA WTH was the point of the sit if nobody/the press knew about it? ...[All Bill] had to do was call the cops, who BTW would have been there anyway (for public safety) unless it was out in the desert...and yes re: talking everything to death...has always been the B&B way. [I remember having] to watch [Hope's] grandparents, uncles, aunts, parents, her rival Steffy, Taylor and a few other talk about whether or not she should [lose her virginity to Liam]....they even let Thorne out of the basement to weigh in. LOL" -- "bikette"

Speaking of Thorne! When next we Scoop, the true Forrester son will be back in the form of Ingo Rademacher. What's Thorne been doing in Paris all these years? Will he avenge Aly's death by going after Steffy and her tire iron? Maybe unseat Steffy as co-CEO? Or just look hot in a suit? Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and remember: keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.