B&B hypocrites: the pot and the kettle both need colonics!

Deacon can't shoot someone, but Steffy can. Quinn can't kiss another, but Eric can. The pot and kettle both need to fix their crap this week on B&B.

The pot supposedly has nerve calling the kettle black, but the real point is that neither one of them is any good. The same can be said about some of these socialites running around Los Angeles, acting like they poo-poo out shrink-wrapped nuggets while everyone else needs a full on colonic. Either way it comes out, the poo still stinks. The shrink-wrappers just make an extra effort to hide it. That goes doubly for Eric, Liam, and Steffy this week on The Bold and the Beautiful.

Bill isn't in the clear, either, but at least he's consistent in his hypocrisy. Back when he was busy love-nesting with Brooke while married to her sister, he ordered Liam to stay out of his brother's marriage. And back when Steffy wanted to hang onto her marriage with Liam, Bill was there to save the day with a convenient medical condition. He was also happy to set Maya up to return to prison when Caroline came a-pouting to her favorite "uncle-daddy" figure for help.

So it isn't surprising that Bill is happy to sabotage Sally and Thomas -- especially if it can help him get his precious skyscraper faster. And it shouldn't be surprising that Bill told Thomas that he belonged with his baby's mama -- even if Bill left Will's mother and was never with his other two sons' mothers. The only question is -- who'll be trapped in a gondola, hanging from a helicopter, facing down a long-lost father, stricken with a fake terminal condition, running from reporters, or falling off ledges by the time Bill is done?

Oh, I forgot this question: who the hell is Bill calling a "ginger?" That ain't politically correct. Plus, I don't see any freckles. Maybe it's just Clairol. He doesn't know. He'd better watch it before I organize a protest and sit-in for red-haired people at the Spencer Summit.

Then there are the superior hypocrites. You know, like the one who was ready to throw Katie, Deacon, and/or Sheila in jail for attempting to shoot Quinn but readily covers when his granddaughter actually does shoot someone. And there's the one who is constantly in Quinn's face about her crimes but helps sweep his wife's crimes under the rug. Or the one outraged that her father kissed his stepmother after she did the same thing with her husband's brother -- and to her father-in-law's first marriage.

Colonics all around, on me! Don't hold back on Quinn, Ridge, Sally, or Thomas. Quinn needs to get the weakness hosed clean out of her and to stop groveling to Steffy. Ridge is packed full of it for still not wanting the family to know what he and Quinn did and for still acting like he doesn't know or understand it. Even after Eric and Steffy know, why keep Wyatt in the dark? Wyatt is always the last to know, just like with the power of attorney.

Somebody needs to hose the toxic jealousy and insecurity out of Sally. Thomas has told her a dozen times that they are solid. Of course, it can't help her self esteem to have a meany like Bill Spencer after her. Caroline can blow it out of her ear because she blew it with Thomas already.

Though Thomas needs to knock Bill's block off if he calls Sally a ginger to her face, Bill was not wrong when he told Thomas to get his head out from under Sally's skirt and get his priorities in order for the kid's sake. Just what are Thomas' priorities? Making Spectra a success or changing Sally into a woman he can be in love with?

Let's scoop on the pots who have the nerve to say anything at all to the kettles this week on The Bold and the Beautiful.

You're lucky I'm trying to score with your granddad

What is shaped like a gun, vibrates quietly at multiple speeds, and fits discreetly into a woman's purse? Before you answer, remember: this is The Bold and the Beautiful, not Sex in the City.<

In recent weeks, Los Angeles reverted back to the wild, wild West, where everybody's toting a gun -- or an electric razor. Katie had a gun, and Deacon had two. They were just trying to scare Quinn with theirs, but across town, Steffy was dead serious when she checked a bullet into the hotel wall this week on The Bold and the Beautiful.

In case you missed it, Liam and Steffy got shuffled into a storyline they didn't need to be in when Quinn called her step-granddaughter in a panic about Eric's whereabouts. Liam tracked Eric's phone, something stalker Katie, who's been in the storyline thus far, could have done, and Steffy grabbed Stephanie's old gun before heading to Eric's location. Sheila went into her purse, and Steffy didn't even think once before shooting Sheila.

Steffy is damned lucky Sheila is trying to hook up with her grandfather. Otherwise, Steffy would need to go into the Sheila's Enemies Protection Program. The one customer at the restaurant couldn't even bump into Sheila without Sheila snapping. The server couldn't even spill water on Sheila's table. Steffy shoots Sheila, and it's fine? Must be love.

Steffy yelled that Sheila had a gun, but it was really just Eric's razor. Liam shouted that Quinn had said Sheila had a gun. Eric was like, "And when exactly did you start believing anything out of Quinn's mouth?" I can't fault Quinn for suspecting Sheila had a gun. Quinn is a sword expert, not a gun in a bag expert. She said she wasn't sure, and merely thinking someone has a gun is no excuse for Steffy to start popping caps in the wall's ass.

Eric is right, though. Since when do Liam and Steffy take Quinn's word for anything? Quinn sat around for months, going, "Poor missing Liam...Poor grieving Steffy...Marry Wyatt..." when Liam was in her cabin the whole time. They don't need to believe Eric, either, for that matter, seeing as he was screwing Quinn in secret while they grappled with what Quinn had done to them.

Steffy is a lousy shot. She grazed Sheila's shoulder, and the bullet hit the wall. Steffy better hope she doesn't hear that a child sleeping in the building next door got hit by a stray bullet.

So far, all is well as long as no one tells, but unlike Sheila, the wall can't heal itself. I'm sorry, Eric, but your brattiness is killing business. How many people do you think checked out of the hotel that day due to hearing a gunshot? Who will want the room with a bullet hole in the wall once Eric leaves? He'd better take up spackling and paint matching, unless he is in the type of the hotel that doesn't mind its guests redecorating with bullets and blood spatter art.

Where did Eric find this hole-in-the-wall place anyway? Eric wanted to go where nobody knows his name, but what kind of place is this where the police are bored while investigating gunshots? It sounds like American Horror Story's Hotel Cortez, and upon check-in, Kathy Bates welcomes you with medical swag bags like the one Liam picked up to treat Sheila with.

Isn't it just a little disconcerting how easy it was for the Rescue Ranger to lie and cover for his wife shooting someone, but at the same time, aid his wife's victim? I don't even remember him being so willing to protect Steffy when it was Ivy that Steffy hurt. Steffy and Eric stood on the wall, blocking the hole, when the security guards arrived, acting like kids trying to hide crayon marks on the wall from their parents. Liam was all like, "I don't know what happened. I heard running in the hallway. Better get after it."

Liam better not ever lecture Wyatt, Bill, Quinn, or anybody else for lying, manipulating, covering up anything, cheating, or even for trying to kill anyone for the rest of his natural-born life.

If you ask me, it was Liam's fault that Steffy even had the gun. He knew just as well as we did what could happen if Steffy took that gun. He let her do it, even knowing she can't shoot and that she's more clumsy than gelatin on a chopstick. He is damn lucky she pushed him out of the way before shooting, or else he might need a medical swag bag, too. Plus, Eric was standing right by Sheila. What would Steffy have done if she'd shot Eric instead?

Even wilder, Eric and Steffy went back to having a conversation as if Steffy hadn't just committed attempted murder! "Well, I still don't know what the heck is going on," was the gist of what Steffy said. What the heck is going on, Steffy, is that you just shot somebody. Eric would have socked you to the ground and taken the gun by now if you were Sheila. He would have thrown you in jail if you were Katie or Deacon, who didn't actually shoot anyone.

Steffy Forrester got to just walk out of there, free and clear, while Eric patched up Sheila's wound and let Sheila flirt with him about it. He let Sheila partly blame Quinn for Steffy doing it because Quinn had said Sheila had a gun, and he had the nerve to say that Quinn was still erratic.

For real, Eric? Quinn's erratic? Who's hanging out with the woman who shot Taylor, Brooke, and Stephanie? Who's letting the woman who drugged him give him medication? Who just let his granddaughter shoot somebody and leave? Who is whining "these hoes ain't loyal" about Ridge and Quinn, but then kisses Sheila? Eric, please. This pot is calling you red -- as in caught red-handed in your own hypocrisy.

Eric had better remember who he's dealing with, like Steffy warned him. He keeps putting Sheila out of the room and telling her that he wants to be alone. Meanwhile, Sheila is watching the hallways every time Steffy struts down them. Is he too basic to realize that if he doesn't give Sheila what she wants, then she might turn her ire on the one who shot her?

I'm just saying. Sheila doesn't forget, and she's only playing nice. If Eric could forget his own self-pity and remember the past, he'd be telling Steffy to never come back to that hotel and to stay away from Sheila, just as Steffy asked him to do. Instead, not only is he not doing as Steffy asked in exchange for keeping his secret, he's kissing Sheila instead of staying away from her.

Maybe I have it all wrong, and Sheila's anger management issues at Il Giardino and with Charlie are just red herrings. Maybe Sheila really does have no hard feelings about Steffy grazing her shoulder with a bullet. Maybe Sheila really is the only person Eric can trust. Yeah, right...I tried, but my soap expertise will not allow me to believe either thing. How about yours?

And Eric had better shut up right now about Quinn cheating on him for kissing Ridge. Sheila asked Eric for "one small thing," a kiss. If it was so small, why is Eric pitching such a big fit about his wife giving Ridge one? To top it off, he just told Sheila before Steffy got there they "weren't ever," and by that night, Eric's letting Sheila kiss him! He probably did it for the same reasons Quinn and Ridge were flubbing around when they didn't even want each other -- the danger of it. Don't forget: Eric told Quinn he was attracted to danger, and he's flirting with it just as hard as Ridge and Quinn did, so pot has no excuse to judge kettle anymore.

The tale of an ivory-handled gun

Can anyone tell me why Liam was walking around the mansion with his finger on the trigger of Stephanie's gun? What was on his mind? Shooting himself because he just remembered that he married a lying, violent wife who he already had to cover for when she accidently killed one cousin and whom he had to curse out when she landed the other cousin in the hospital?

Seriously, why is Liam putting his sticky fingerprints all over the gun? How dumb is that if it's ever traced back to the hotel shooting? Yeah, I know. The writers have already turned that into a cold case, but Liam is walking around the mansion with gun as if Deacon didn't just shoot that whole house up the other week. Liam's lucky Quinn merely shrieked when she saw him instead of stabbing him full frontal in the throat with a candleholder. She'd get away with it, too, after two other people she knows pulled guns on her.

Liam put the gun on the back of a cushioned chair. It wasn't there anymore by the time Steffy arrived later. I assume Quinn put it away somewhere, but just what is that gun doing at the mansion, anyway?

Cue the flashback music and recall the last time we saw the silver gun with the ivory handle. It was back when Ricky the Kid gunned down a wall at Forrester Creations. The next time we saw it, Ridge was giving it to Rick's lawyer, Kris, who was picking up Caroline's divorce papers.

Before the shooting, Rick had attempted to give the gun to Kris, but Kris had forgotten it. I assumed that when Ridge gave it to Kris, Kris kept it. So how did it get back in the mansion? And if it is the same gun, how is it in the same place for Steffy to remember where it was after Rick and Maya had moved out, Ridge and Caroline moved in and out, and Quinn moved in? Rick originally got it from a drawer by the bed, right?

Pesky details...if anyone knows the story of how the ivory-handled gun wound up back in the mansion, let us know. Maybe, in true soap fashion, we'll find out that Stephanie's original gun had an evil twin.

Jealousy and insecurity can kill a relationship

For a while now, I've discussed Sally's insecurities and self-esteem issues. If she isn't worried about her talent or a review, then she'd afraid of losing Thomas. She worries about the rich, mean girls, Steffy and Caroline. Thomas revamped Sally's style and her business, but Sally still fears that Caroline will turn his head. Sally waffles on the competition, fearing Bill will sabotage them for crashing the summit.

I'm over Sally. I don't suffer easily a person whining about other people when that person went after the other people first. The Carmen Sandiego-dressing Steffy was minding her own business when Sally started tossing drinks on her. If Sally is afraid to tangle with Bill at the Spencer Summit, then she should have thought of that before she decided to crash the Spencer Summit. Look at it this way, Sally, if Bill dumps you in the sea, at least you'll be dressed for it.

As far as Caroline is concerned, I don't appreciate her whining to Bill about Sally, but I also don't appreciate Sally's weak sauce approach to Caroline. I don't know how many ways Thomas needs to tell Sally that she is the one he chooses to be with. Sally doesn't trust what he says or how he feels, and that's a real problem for a relationship.

Sally hears Bill dressing down Thomas about being with Caroline, and what does Sally do? She calls a meeting with Caroline to mark her territory. I don't know how Sally got Caroline's number, but Caroline isn't going to listen to a woman who reeks of desperation. The only person who can set Caroline straight is Thomas.

I feel just a little bit sorry for Sally because Bill is on the case, and Bill fights dirty. He had Hope so screwed up that she took a golf club to his window. Hope almost lost her man to a fake blood clot, thanks to Bill. Hope was drunk down in Cabo and about to be engaged to Thomas, so that Bill could keep Liam with Steffy, which is something Thomas ought to remember when Bill makes his move on Caroline's behalf.

In my view, Bill is right about Thomas abandoning Douglas' legacy to chase some fantasy with Sally Spectra. Bill had Thomas pegged when he said everything Thomas was doing was for himself because poor Tommy has to have some control. Bill wants Thomas to get his priorities right, and the right priority isn't chasing his family around the world to try to prove he's a man. Instead, Thomas ought to just be a man.

Bill can't decide what being a man means for Thomas, but it sure as hell doesn't mean beating his sister. It doesn't mean changing Sally into a woman he thinks the fashion world will find acceptable, either. Did you catch what Thomas said to her? "And they are going to see a whole new Sally Spectra, because I'm going to be right there with you," Thomas told her.

Why does Sally need to be a "whole new Sally Spectra?" Why isn't who she is enough? Stealing designs once isn't the sum of who Sally is, so why is Thomas changing her? Maybe this is the thing Sally ought to be worried about instead of Caroline and Bill. And maybe this is one of those priorities that Thomas needs to get straight. Maybe this is the root of Sally's insecurities.

The writers might not mean what I'm about to say to be a part of the plot, but as I'm writing this, I'm having a revelation that Thomas talks out of both sides of his mouth to Sally. That's gotta be some hybrid form of hypocrisy. On the one hand, Sally is beautiful and the one Thomas chooses, but on the other, he changes her clothes and talks about this new Sally Spectra. When she says what she thinks, he tells her what he wants. Afterward, she smiles and says she wants to it, too. I wonder how true that is or if Sally just goes along with it in order to have him.

Sally also shares her nervousness about having Caroline and Douglas around and says it will take some getting used to. It kind of made me wonder if she'd even wanted to date a man who already had a child, or if again, she's just going along with it. It's a lot to handle, especially if the man has a baby mama who won't bug off. And especially if the man is full of nice things to say about the baby mama, while he's creating a "whole new you" for the world.

So is Thomas really just making Sally into the woman he wants her to be? Is Sally so insecure that she just lets it happen? I have known women like this. I have friends who completely change depending upon the guy they are dating. It's really sad to watch because you realize the woman never had her own identity in the first place.<

I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I'm right, it could provide a reason why Sally can't shake her insecurities no matter what Tomas says. It would be because, deep inside, she knows she can't be what he's making her into -- or she doesn't want to be. Thomas decided to take himself upon this journey of self-discovery, but did our once-Cyndi Lauper-like Sally need to go on one, too? Are his design tastes really hers? Is Sally losing herself in order to have Thomas?

Sally figured out that Caroline and Bill were working together to undermine her relationship with Thomas, and Thomas asked Sally if that was a problem. Reasonably, she asked if it should be. Thomas gave a solid answer. He said jealousy and insecurities can ruin a relationship. He told her that he'd always be there for his son, and he'd always be there for her.

My only problem is that Thomas felt that same way about Forrester -- until he didn't. He'd been just as committed to a family with Caroline -- until he returned from New York, and we still don't know what happened with that. Why wouldn't Thomas change his mind about Sally and Spectra once he realizes he can't have everything exactly how he wants it there, either?

Let us know what you think. Does Thomas have his priorities straight already, or is he trying to turn Sally into the woman he wants her to be? A woman like Caroline? Just saying...

A few tidbits and a look ahead

Why is Steffy in the center of Eric's storyline? Why can't she go play with the other kids in the bikini contest while the adults handle Sheila? If no one was going to go to jail over it, I would much rather see Brooke revenge-shoot Sheila while looking for Eric. Plus, all this lying while judging isn't doing Steffy any favors. No wonder she broke out the hard liquor.

While Steffy was busy making the problem about her by asking Ridge if he'd betrayed Eric to get back at her for being CEO, she could have at least told Quinn and Ridge that Eric was fine. Steffy could have said Eric just didn't want his location revealed instead of letting the family worry about him being somewhere with a psycho. She knows what it feels like to want to make up with someone and worry about them being missing.

Over at Spencer, Bill has more toys in his office than Will has down at the daycare, doesn't he? Bill plays with model buildings, Legos, and Tonka trucks. When the super-sized Douglas arrived, Bill pulled out the miniature cars and motorcycles. Toys probably keep Bill young at heart. Speaking of Will, if Douglas is talking, Will should be about ten years old by now, shouldn't he?

On a side note, why does Bill think so lowly of the Forresters, but he thinks so highly of Steffy? Bill said that Thomas was a Forrester and couldn't make up a bed, let alone his mind. Uh, but Steffy and Thomas are siblings with the same genes, Bill. Is she supposed to be better than Ridge and Thomas because she has boobs? We know you like boobs from that Brooke fantasy.

In a look ahead, Spoilers indicate that Bill tells Thomas something about Caroline that causes Thomas not to have his head in the game at the Monte Carlo competition. Caroline has reservations about going along with Bill's plan. Duh, Caroline. You knew you'd have to sell your soul if you want help from the devil.

Eric might be ready to put his pouting where his pen is and sign divorce papers. Maybe it's time to transfer Katie back into jewelry and get to working on some belly chains if Quinn's out. If Quinn moves in with Wyatt, that's definitely gonna put a crimp in his Katie flirtations.

It's back to the suitcase life for the vagabond Ridge, unless he decides to kick that ungrateful son of his out of the loft. Either that, or Thomas will get the control he wants, after all, by taking in his father and giving him a job at Spectra. That would be sick and insane, writers! Do it.

Put your comments and opinions about the week below. We'd love to hear what you think, and until we scoop again, if you decide to let someone get away with shooting you, the payoff had better be nothing but bold and beautiful, baby!Chanel

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