The moments we live for

Oh, the life-changing things you can do with a bed in Los Angeles. Nicole gave birth on one. Sasha set a seductive scene around another. Zende reconciled with Nicole and dropped a bombshell on a bed. Katie can make love on one and have herself a drink on it -- if Brooke wasn't already hiding under it, that is. Moments both great and shameful are made in, on, under, and around a bed. Let's scoop on the moments our residents live for -- or have to live down -- this week on the Bold and the Beautiful.

Don't you just hate it when you pull out your new bikini and lingerie for a day of sun and seduction, but your inconvenient sister plops on a yoga ball to give birth? Your man would rather be at her hospital bedside than in bed with you? For me, I can't stand it when I'm right I the middle of a seduction, and my sister pops out from under my bed. It can't get any worse than feeling like your seat's been ripped right out from under you when, during a love-triangle game of musical sisters, one sister suddenly decides she's pregnant!

It could always be worse. At least my grandfather never called me "it." At least I'm not sitting around nameless or struggling against a persona Quinn forced upon me. I don't have a matriarch portrait rolling its eyes at me when I call her "home girl," and I certainly don't have to shop on some fake-my-pregnancy dot com site to hang onto a worthless dog of a man like Zende.

If Sasha's really not pregnant, she'll need to buy out the whole fake pregnancy website -- fake-positive sticks, sonograms, baby-belly forms, and the whole nine. They even sell fake sonogram videos. I'm with Julius on this one. It's awfully convenient that Sasha cropped up pregnant right when Zende decided to dump her to go back to Nicole. Also, it's awfully crappy of Zende to get back with Nicole post-gestation. He was already on the bed, kissing her, probably before the afterbirth even came out.

With Sasha, Zende had his cake and ate it, too. He was sexually untethered, and he had Sasha at his beck and call. Now that Nicole can resume a young, carefree life, Zende has suddenly seen the error of his ways. Ironically, he returns to Nicole with the very baggage he didn't want to be saddled with himself -- a firstborn that doesn't belong to both him and Nicole. That's if Sasha is really pregnant.

It all started when sashaying Sasha was at the pool with Zende, who was complaining about her rubbing invisible suntan lotion all over him. "I gotta go!" he said, hopping up as if he had a three-alarm fire to put out in the bathroom. The dog that Zende is, he lied to Sasha about having to go to the office. What he really did was dress up in hospital garb to creep in and watch Nicole give birth to a little girl with no name.

Of the birth, I have to admit it. I cried. Kudos go to the directors and the actors. From the song, "These Are The Moments," written and performed by Reign Edwards (Nicole), to the poignant expressions on Karla Mosley and Jacob Young's faces when they beheld the child, the scenes were flawless. I watched the scene about three times, and Rick, Maya, Nicole, and Viv made me grin with watery eyes every time.

Julius was there, too, and Vivienne maintained a civil anger with him. Brooke and Eric weren't there. They waited excitedly together at Brooke's house -- because, you know -- Sasha needed the whole Forrester mansion to herself to dream in during the birth of "Baby No Name."

Katie droned on the other week about the bond between mother and father. I'm glad she didn't plant that fear in Rick's head, and so far, it isn't an issue for him and Nicole. Nicole is ready to resume her relationship with Zende. Rick beheld Maya as if she'd given birth instead of Nicole. "I'm a daddy," Rick said with a humbling sob, and Jacob Young got my heart again.

Rick finally had a week without whining about Ridge -- and his real hair is back, thank God. Brooke did the whining for him, though, when she discussed with Eric the unfairness of Rick having to nest in her mansion instead of the Forrester mansion. Cue the Stephanie portrait eye rolls.

I would be remiss if I didn't make a couple of logistical comments about the storyline. Baby No Name is already wearing a pink hat. When Julius asked what it was, Maya replied that "she" wasn't an "it." To that, I say -- well, Maya, the doctors told Julius that his first child was a "he," so....umm, yeah...

I hope the writers do not skip over the fact that Maya is a transgender woman who wrestled with her male identity at a very young age. As such, I expect her to be sensitive about how she dresses and treats Baby No Name. I will be very disappointed if Maya goes along with the majority and puts bows in Baby No Name's hair, putting dresses on Baby No Name and giving Baby No Name feminine toys.

If Maya does do the above, I hope Julius questions it, and it opens a discussion on how he and Vivienne proceeded with their infants. Maybe it would help Maya understand their lot as parents. In a few years, the writers can have the child renounce femininity. I would look forward to seeing Maya handle watching her "little girl" disappear and a boy appear in the girl's place.

For now, though, the baby needs a name. The writers could be holding off for the very reasons I stated above. I suggest Maya and Rick start off on the right foot with gender-neutral names and clothes. They can handle other gender issues down the line, should Baby No Name begin to assert being something other than Baby No Name is already presumed to be.

Back over in Sashaying Sasha's world, Sasha was acting like she owned the mansion. To the eye-rolling nausea of Stephanie's portrait, Sasha dreamed of being the Forrester matriarch and having her portrait in the place of honor. Does Sasha not know that Rick will squash her in the trash like a dirty diaper if she tries to get on that wall before Maya's portrait returns? The vain Caroline isn't even trying to get that spot, and that ought to tell Sasha something.

After languishing at the mansion all day, Sasha donned lingerie and set a romantic scene in Zende's bedroom. "The sooner you get home, the happier we'll both be," Sasha said to Zende on the phone. Does she live there now? Instead of volunteering to not get between Zende's abs and Sasha, Caroline should have been asking the freeloader how she got past security. Obviously, Caroline is not matriarch material if she can't even do that.

Of course, no one questions anything in Los Angeles. No one takes DNA tests, and no one checks on who the cowardly orderly is in the delivery room. No one questions where Carter is or what he has to say now that his advice to Zende blew up in Zende's face. Well, maybe one person questions things -- Julius. Knowing his crafty daughter well, Julius questioned whether Zende had really gotten Sasha pregnant.

It's disappointing for Sasha to come up with a lie like this -- if it is a lie -- on the heels of exposing Julius' lie. Nicole fought to expose the lie and bring Sasha into her rightful place in the family. How can Sasha now lie about a nonexistent baby to rob Nicole of her relationship with Zende? It just seems that Sasha ought to feel like she owes it to Nicole to be fair and honest in the Zende battle.

Why did Sasha lie? Because she thought she was about to hop into bed. Instead, Zende dissed her kiss like she had boo-boo breath and didn't even ask her to put on a robe before starting his dump speech.

I believe Sasha is lying, but for all her grimacing about parenthood to Caroline, I hope Sasha winds up discovering she actually is pregnant. Zende made it seem like such a remote possibility, though. He made it sound like he water-tested each condom post-copulation with Sasha. I don't recall seeing Sasha basking in the afterglow while Zende sprang out of bed, announcing, "Condom check!"

Zende also made something clear to Sasha that he hadn't before. He doesn't love her. He'd only said "making love" because he didn't like the other term. What other term, Zende? There are plenty of ways to describe it without cursing or giving a partner the wrong impression. How about saying "sex?" There's also "doing it," "doing the deed," "getting it on," "rolling in the hay," "being intimate," "friends with benefits," "intercourse," and "screwing."

Of this supposed pregnancy, why would Sasha even think that announcing a pregnancy to a man who ran from the responsibility of his uncle's baby -- which he only had to put up with for nine months -- would make him stick around for a lifetime of childrearing with her? Zende balked at the pregnancy because they didn't have "that kind of a relationship." Sasha said it was the kind that made pregnancy a possibility.

Amen to that, Sasha. Zende gets no free pass just because Cater didn't warn him sexual freedom could lead to being baby-shackled to a woman that he didn't want to be with. I have better advice for Zende -- if the girl isn't good enough to have your last name, you shouldn't lay down with her to begin with. Zende needs to think about that instead of telling Sasha that they were just having fun because, as the Jermaine Stewart song goes, "we don't have to take our clothes off to have good time -- oh, no!" Zende should have listened to Stewart, not Carter.

If Sasha happens to be telling the truth, how dare Zende ask her how it happened! Anyone can answer that question. Zende was impatient, irresponsible, and horny. He didn't care if it was Nicole's best friend, either, just as long as he could satisfy his immature and selfish needs. That's how it happened.

Zende is an adolescent coward, and just like there are gun laws, there ought to be laws against dumb men like him shooting off his male gun and reproducing. I want Lieutenant Baker to arrest Zende for being too stupid to copulate -- and stupid enough to tell his booty-call girl that it was love-making.

Zende let Sasha have the run of mansion, sleep with him, and confide in him. He let her call him her boyfriend. "I thought you loved me," Sasha said. Zende responded with, "No, never." It would have been the perfect time for him to pull a Ridge and say, "You're not pregnant because I'm shooting blanks! So you best not even bother to log into fakepregnacy.com."

Instead, in yellow-bellied fashion, Zende took off on Sasha. He even told her not to be there when he got back. This guy just watched the miracle of childbirth, and he told the woman who might be pregnant with his child not to be there when he got back. After being compelled to support Nicole through childbirth, he told the supposedly pregnant Sasha to just be gone. Bye, Felicia! Poof yourself!

In the ultimate act of dumb-assedness, Zende got Nicole to reunite with him and then told her about Sasha's baby. Wow. At least Nicole had talked to him about her pregnancy first! And why would he tell Nicole this before confirming it with a real blood test? Dumb as the day is long. I don't even know what else to say about it. Our faithful board members at Soap Central do, though:

• "Zende is a user ... he's using Sasha for sex and no one sees anything wrong with that .... why would Nicole want anything to do with him after all of it? And, I find him so boring..." -- Dorothy12102

• "I get Zende not being able to handle his girlfriend being pregnant by his uncle or anyone else... What I don't like is Zende dumping Nicole and hooking up with the one person that would hurt Nicole the most...Which is poor, delusional, desperate-for-love Sasha... who was just a warm body to use until Nicole was no longer pregnant!" -- Ferretlove

• "[Zende] didn't want Nicole when she was pregnant, now he wants her back after she gave birth. What does that tell you about him? ... He used Sasha to get over Nicole, now dumps her to get back to Nicole. Pathetic!" -- silkdog

• "There was a reason they showed Sasha with Caroline and Douglas today. The girl is so ready for a Forrester child. Now Rick can really lay down the law for Zende, he might even remind him that he isn't really a Forrester but a Dominquez." -- enoughrope.

Enoughrope makes an excellent point. How did Zende get the Forrester surname anyways?

Julius told Sasha that sisters borrow things, but loving sisters give back that which they've borrowed. Someone needs to tell Julius that men are not purses or lipstick tubes. Even so, Brooke did the sisterly thing by giving back the borrowed Bill. The problem is -- Katie thinks Brooke is a straight-out man thief.

Instead of being at the hospital to check on her newest grandchild, Brooke had more important things to do like surprising Katie with a dress Katie didn't need. Brooke waltzed in the house and into Katie's bedroom with the garment bag. It was all so very harmless until the Stallion exited the bathroom and neighed at the sight of Brooke.

In a towel and fresh from the shower, Bill told Brooke it wasn't a good idea to slip in the house like a designer Santa Claus. No matter how nice a note Brooke pinned on the gown, Katie would see it as a purely naughty gesture. Brooke decided to leave, but it was too late; Katie was headed upstairs.

What is it about Brooke always saying she's leaving, but then she never does? To Bill's chagrin, she hid under the bed.

There was a lot of lingerie and bikini fashion this week, and Katie takes the MILD award. It's a new acronym I made up for Zende's sake, which means "Mothers I'd Like to Do." Katie's lingerie was anything but mild, and Heather Tom was spank-worthy in her two-piece set. Rock it, Heather, with your grown and sexy self!

Katie wanted to get busy -- another euphemism for Zende -- but because Brooke was under the bed, Bill tried gentle dissuasion on his wife. Katie was intent upon riding the Stallion, and despite his protests, she dropped her drawers and hopped on the saddle.

The camera panned to Brooke beneath the bed, and I said, "There she is -- back under a bed."

Flashback to 2007. Macy was alive and in her lingerie, aiming to get a Thorne in her front side. The problem was that Brooke was under the bed in lingerie! Like I said in the last scoop, "what goes around comes all the way back around," and it goes double for plots. Brooke's hide-and-go-seek game wasn't innocent in 2007, and because of Brooke's reputation, Katie decided that it wasn't this time, either.

It was humorous to hear Brooke tell Eric earlier in the day that if it wasn't for Sasha, Zende and Nicole might make it. Can the same be said about Bill and Katie, Bridget and Deacon, Taylor and Ridge, Nick and Taylor, Macy and Thorne, and Bridget and Nick if it wasn't for Brooke?

Katie was mortified about Brooke being under the bed. Part of it had to be because Brooke had heard Katie get turned down on her best seduction routine. You suspect Bill has a fever, Katie? Lame!

Brooke tried to explain why she was there, but Katie figured that Brooke had come over there, hoping to wind up in a situation with Bill because Brooke was an addict. And since Bill was doing what he wanted to do, Katie would do what she wanted to do -- drink.

Katie headed for the kitchen and started in on some whiskey in a green liquor bottle. I've never seen whiskey in a green bottle before, so I went to Google University and located a bottle of aged Scotch that matched Katie's bottle. A thirty-two-year-old malt like it costs thousands of dollars, making it no wonder Bill didn't pour it out or bust it in the sink this time. The bottle had to his because she supposedly got rid of all of her vodka. Great attention to detail on that one, writers.

I felt bad for Bill. Katie was right when she said he hadn't asked Brooke to leave, but he'd basically told Brooke that she'd made a mistake in coming there. Plus, Brooke said she was going before he could ask it of her. He further advised Brooke to get permission before visiting.

"What? Logans don't do that!" Brooke exclaimed. Brooke believes that family can just drop by, but other people have to check first. Even if dropping by is okay, coming in and going into the bedroom without a door greeting might get you shot. I'm starting to see Brooke's problem. She needs to learn boundaries.

Bill was right in justifying Katie's feelings about Brooke being under the bed. Katie did have a good reason to be upset this time, and the dress wasn't a sufficient explanation. Brooke could have given the dress to the nanny. Or -- what was wrong with leaving the dress in the living room? Or having a Forrester courier drop it off?

Though the writing has given viewers no indication that Bill and Brooke are up to anything, Brooke thinking she can come and go as she pleases is a problem. Brooke even touching Bill's back and the two hugging each other later in the kitchen is a problem. Bill and Brooke have to be taking relationship advice from Carter, because it's apparent that they do not understand that Brooke needs to go directly to the front door. Do not pass "go," and do not collect any touchy-touchies or huggy-huggies.

Does Katie deserve some comeuppance after meddling in Ridge's business? Yes, but this week's fallout over Brooke doesn't qualify. It's downright annoying to watch Katie's weekly eruptions over Brooke's "harmless" actions. Katie lashes out, and then she's sorry. Brooke never meant any harm. Katie lashes out again, and then she's sorry again. Brooke didn't mean harm -- again.

Katie grabs the bottle like it's a threat. She blames Bill and Brooke for her taking a drink, as if Katie can't control herself. Does she really want a drink, or it is a guilt trip to keep Bill in line? If it's for real, then Katie needs to learn how to control herself. She can be angry and feel betrayed, but she can do it without taking a whiskey bottle to her bed.

For her own sanity -- and mine -- she needs to end all contact with Brooke until the feelings abate. If Bill loves Katie, he'll abide by it. Being Brooke's sister doesn't mandate interacting with her. Same goes for Nicole and Sasha. These sisters need to take Ridge's lead. When Ridge couldn't deal with Thomas, he set boundaries. Slowly, Ridge's anger dissipated, and the relationship improved.

Maybe some of Katie's feelings stem from jealousy. She quickly rattled off every romantic trip Bill ever took Brooke on. Where has Bill taken Katie? And it doesn't seem he'll take her anywhere anytime soon, either. According to previews, Bill will be burning the family-drama candle at both ends when he tries to get Liam on the road to conviction about Quinn.

Quinn was arrested after pouring her heart out to Liam in front of the police, Wyatt, and Steffy. Liam faces the choice of whether or not to press charges against her. What can the charge be, though?

According to Google University, kidnapping is moving a person by force or through fear. It doesn't address moving an already unconscious person. It also says Quinn had to hold him against his will. The situation fails the test there, too, because it never appeared that Liam couldn't leave the cabin if he actually tried to, which he didn't. As far as rape, well, he would have to say she raped him, and I don't think he'll do that at this point. Can a case go forward if Liam declines to cooperate?

It was no surprise that Quinn left Deacon out of her confession. He might never be linked to the crime, and no one might ever know Quinn tried to kill him. Have we seen the last of him for a while? He'd be crazy to visit her in jail, but Deacon's crazy like a fox. He might try to get a conjugal visit out of it.

In closing, here are some random tidbits from our message boards' weekly "Shaking my Head" thread:

• "SMH at Caroline's ridiculously ditzy behavior today. Is she on drugs? Why did she act like she didn't belong at the pool, but Sasha did? And why was she surprised Zende would show up at the house? He lives there, Caroline. And so do you. Sasha does not, nor does she have any relation that does, except for her booty buddy Zende. Caro didn't make no damm sense today." -- Sarafah

• "SMH at Sasha saying she's sorry she had to rifle through Zende's drawers to get his swim trunks. She's wanted to be in his drawers since she first laid eyes on him." -- Katbert

• "SMH at Maya calling Nicole "my little engine that could." Seriously, if someone said that to me while I was in the middle of labor delivering her child for her, I would have smacked her." -- Xyla

• SMH that Nicole seemed to have no problems whatsoever with handing the baby off or having Maya introduce her to the baby she'd just delivered as her "Auntie Nicole."...seems like there ought to be more of a special designation than "Auntie" for Nicole. I mean, she went through a bit more than, [Sasha, Felicia, Kristen], Bridget or Hope did to ensure that Maya and Rick had their golden child. -- Xyla

• SMH that Zende tricked Nicole into taking him back with that romantic speech before dropping the little bomb on her....."I'm so glad we're back together...by the way, I might have forgotten to mention before you agreed to take me back that Sasha is pregnant..." -- LMSG

Let us know what you think, and whatever you do in, on, around, or under a bed, make sure it's bold and beautiful, baby!

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