The morality claws are out!

Gender checks, car wrecks, and job theft -- oh, my, how the mighty have fallen. This week, on the Bold and the Beautiful, everyone's morality claws were out. While some slash others legitimately, others need a double-shot of shut-up juice. Find out who gets clawed and who does the clawing as Los Angeles reacts to Bill's gossip of the century.

Why can't all secrets be as easily handled as Caroline's secret from Ridge this week? Yeah, I thought the secret was that she'd be pregnant. Wrong! The writers wrote Linsey Godfrey's accident incident into the script, and as Ridge pushed the wheelchair-bound Caroline into Forrester, he wasn't upset that she hadn't told him she'd been hit by a car in New York. She'd also been hit by a freight train of media chatterings about Maya being transgender. Just as everyone else around the world, Caroline wanted to know Rick's reaction to the news. I want to know his reaction, too, because something tells me that Rick's non-reaction might be just a coping mechanism.

Carter's coping mechanism is working out, eavesdropping and dragging blame claws across Nicole and Wyatt's backs. Charlie coped by brooding to Pam because he'd figured out that Maya was transgender before others had. The eavesdropping, ab-o-licious Carter told them that Nicole had spilled to Wyatt who'd spilled to Bill. Carter claimed that the information was personal and private, and the people he'd told had been trustworthy. Okay, Carter. So you can choose to tell Maya's secret and gamble on who could be trusted with it, but Nicole can't? Carter has been very self-righteous in justifying his rattler tongue, but wasn't he the one to tell Rick's worst enemy?

Nicole coped by spending the night on someone's couch because she couldn't have been at the mansion without knowing that Rick was there, recovering from an accident. She followed a good night's sleep up with an apology to Maya and a confrontation with Wyatt. Nicole's a stand-up chick. She might have been young and a little misguided at first, but in the end, she has the most righteous morality claws of them all. Unlike Hope, she was having none of Wyatt's quibbling and speeches about family. He'll have one heck of a time re-lassoing that wild horse because Nicole won't be fooled twice.

Notice how the writers reacted to their gender check explosion by clawing out some relevant scenes? What happened to the scenes like the one where Maya and Rick drive to Big Bear separately? And like the one where Rick goes from sleeping on an airbag to sleeping on a pillow at his house? And like the one between the one when Rick leaps up and attacks Ridge to the one where Rick is sitting on his bed the next day like it never happened.

Are some things better left to our imagination, or were we robbed of some relevant scenes so the writers could force-feed us more repetitive talk and super-long flashbacks of a morally bankrupt relationship that we're suddenly now supposed to champion due to the transgender PSA?

For me, it's hard to get behind the Maya and Rick love story, and I'll explain why in a little segment I like to call...

Maya: [frowning and fake crying] Do you still want to be my husband now that the whole world knows? I need to hear you say it!Phone: [Silence and a pitiful gasp from Maya] Call ended.Chanel: Ba! Ha! Ha! Ha! Whoo! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Please tell me I wasn't the only person who laughed my ass off when Maya whimpered, looking at the phone, and they cut to Rick, wrecked against a tree. It was call-ended, and it should have been relationship-ended, too, if you ask me.

Some viewers, like me, thought we had a real chance of getting this condescending, self-centered couple off of our screens. After all, we'd been indoctrinated for months about the virtuous, tell-it-like-it-is Maya, who would tell Rick the truth even if he didn't like it. She's Saint Maya, who always has his back. It was a slamdunk that once Rick, who'd interpreted some kisses as the original sin of mankind, would see Maya's omission as the onset of Revelations.

Nope. Rick didn't care. Doesn't matter. Maya can do no wrong.

Rick's dreams of having his own children went up in smoke and mirrors, but he shrugged it off. He was madder than this at Amber for passing a baby off as his. If he doesn't care what DNA says, then why didn't he just stay with Amber and little Eric? Amber traded a dead baby for a living baby. Maya traded male parts for female parts. What's the difference? He had a baby he loved, just as with Maya, he had a woman he loved.

It seems like Rick has justified what Maya has withheld from him and dismissed it just a little too easily. It's like he just found out that the lead model is covering up a zit or something. Usually, characters need a minute to think about things. After learning the secret, the character gets angry, flies out the door, and leaves Brooke -- I mean the other character -- crying on the floor. There are then some uncertainty scenes, and eventually, the characters either work it out -- or a new relationship forms with the third wheel in the love triangle who's been making the revelation bubble to the surface all along.

Not Rick. He just took Maya's word for what she told him. He wasn't even worried about what else she might be hiding or that she could possibly be the type to hide something in the future.

Why has Rick so readily dismissed Maya's secret. Recall a few of Rick's statements, the first one being, "No one else has to know." The second one to remember is, "Not when I finally have everything I want." Maya asked if that included her? Rick replied that they needed to take things one step at a time. She needed to know if he wanted her, but he needed time to fix what Bill had done.

This brings me to my reasons for believing this couple is no good for each other. Two insecure, self-absorbed people cannot carry a relationship through tough times. Maya claims to be Rick's biggest defender and says she'd be there for him no matter what, but when the crap hits the fan, all she really wants to do is "ride, Sally, ride." Rick calls Bill's headlines and captions an embarrassment, and in two seconds flat, Marathon Maya's already two miles down the road.

I agreed with Nick that Maya needed to be safe when revealing herself to Rick. Rick was so trusting of Maya, he didn't even wonder why they had to take separate cars up to Big Bear. Of course she didn't tell him that it was her getaway vehicle to get her to her hideout that Rick is too dumb to locate with the GPS he was too dumb to put on her phone line that he's paying for.

Maya hopped into the car and took off without having courage and the conviction she swore she had to stand by Rick. She didn't have the guts or devotion to let him work through his emotions, to let him process it, or to stand beside him through the scandal she created by keeping secrets. What happened to that tough Maya who stood behind a desk, telling off Ridge? It disappeared in a puff of exhaust fumes down that dark, winding road.

Brooke is trying her hardest to get Rick to see that this, what I just described, is the kind of woman Maya is, and being transgender doesn't give Maya a pass at sucking in commitments. "Oh, but she's afraid," we're supposed to understand. Love is about standing up and sticking by someone despite the fears. It's called bravery. Love is about standing beside Rick and helping him cope with the media, the company, the gossip, or whatever else comes with this revelation. It's called loyalty. Some matriarch Maya is.

Why didn't Maya consider that the call had dropped? They were in the mountains. I'm surprised they could call each other at all. If I were Maya, I would have called him back. I probably wouldn't have gotten him on the phone, seeing as he was eating an airbag at the time, but isn't she the slightest bit tempted to answer his calls now?

"Call ended" aside, Rick keeps calling and texting her. Obviously, it's a good sign she's going to hear what she wants to hear. Why else would he be calling after "call ended"? Is it to say, "Sorry, Maya, we got cut off while I was busy plowing down all the pine trees on the mountainside at eighty miles an hour to keep up with you. You probably didn't see me veer off the road because you were too caught up in your own feelings to care to look at me in the rearview mirror, but I wanted to answer your question. Hell, no. I do not want a runaway bride or wife. Okay? Now, call ended -- for real this time."

If I loved a man like Maya claims, I would feel compelled to pick up the phone, even if what I heard on the other end made me feel like a fool. Hell, I just did it recently by answering the phone to that dumbass I was with for ten years before he walked out on our engagement. Why, why, why did I do that? But the point is, Maya isn't the least bit tempted to answer, to learn if he's okay, to see how he's coping, or to see how Forrester is. Nothing.

But Rick is adamant, above seeing how Forrester is, about talking to Maya. He's not concentrating on what he should be concentrating on, which is doing damage control for Forrester. He isn't whipping out Hope's pedestal podium for press conferences to try to quell any of the talk. He's not organizing a counterattack with Forrester's PR department.

No. This empire Rick fought dirty for means absolutely nothing until his cheerleader is back by his side. He has no nasty words for her or violence for her. Just for Ridge and anyone else who tries to make him see that the emperor is wearing no clothes.

This is another reason these two have no business as the Forrester matriarch and patriarch. Help me recall a time when there was a scandal and whoever was running the company at the time just ran off and hid somewhere? When did Stephanie ever shrink from a fight? This week, we should have seen "Napoleon" in Bill's face, not as a name on Bill's caller-ID. But no. Rick's hiding out from embarrassment like a punk instead of proving to the world why Maya is the best "woman" he knows and not a "man" named Myron.

Is it because Rick doesn't believe it himself? Is Rick brainwashing himself into accepting Maya because it's better than facing reality? To Rick, it's all about winning. Winning over Bill, winning over Ridge. He didn't even think about the company or defending it until Eric hinted that he might give it to Ridge. Then suddenly Rick wants to defend Maya -- and the company -- from scandal.

Rick wants to prove Ridge wrong, but if Rick and Maya fall apart, it means they weren't the supercouple Rick put them out there to be. Rick can't stand the humiliation -- not due to Maya -- but the humiliation of Ridge being right, of answering to Ridge, of not being the number one everything at Forrester and in the Forrester family.

I'll bet money that if Maya revealed that Ridge had helped her through her transition instead of Jesse, Rick would have scorned her like the worst hussy, lying, slutty, lowlife on the planet. I doubt he would have been understanding or respectful of her being transgender. He would have gone off on her for making him fall in love with a man. He would have made her feel less than a man for not telling him that she'd been male. But since Ridge isn't involved, Rick can be understanding, kind, and rational. Or is Rick's acceptance of Maya just a protective mechanism aimed at keeping Ridge from winning?

Whatever it is, "call ended," along with Maya's emailed resignation, proves just how shallow and weak this couple really is. At the slightest hint of trouble, Maya runs faster than the bullets that whizzed out of Stephanie's old gun. Note that when Maya had packed her bags up, Rick asked if she couldn't even have the conversation. No, she can't, Rick. She's a coward. If it doesn't go her way, she runs. At the slightest hint that someone might hurt her little feelings, she's out the door.

It makes me wonder how harsh and how bad her parents really were. If she ran off from Rick so quickly and readily exchanged him for the comfort of her fears, did she really give her parents a chance?

Maya lashed out at Brooke, accusing Brooke of looking down on her, but Brooke was doing no such thing. The writers have made the plot way too PC for that. When Rick was grappling with human emotions not two seconds after hearing the revelation, he used the word "embarrassment." Had her parents said something hurtful in the weak and scary moment of realizing something monumental about their child that they couldn't fix for her or make right for her? Did Maya just run away before they could wrap their heads around her gender?

What will become of Rick and Maya? Where's her backbone like Nicole's? Nicole had no problem finding Maya and being honest about her mistake in telling Wyatt. Instead of running from the mistake, Nicole returned to see Maya again. Nicole isn't hiding under a friend's couch. She's being a stand-up human being. Maya should learn from that and stand by Rick.

In my perfect plot, Rick and Maya crash and burn. Their relationship gets blown to smithereens, and not because she's transgender, but because she is none of the things Rick made her out to be.

There appears to be no morality clause at Spencer, but the morality claws are digging into Bill for publicizing Maya's story. The weakest of claws belonged to the Forrester camp, who should have told Nick that threatening Bill with GLAAD was like spraying Windex on a tarantula.

Eric was a pretty cool customer, a lot cooler than Rick, who'd threatened Bill with lawsuits and was delusional enough to believe that Bill removing stories would colon-cleanse the Internet of Maya's personal poo. Eric threatened a counterstrike in the media by GLAAD and hinted that Karen would not approve of what Bill had done -- as if Bill would ever shudder under Karen's disapproval. He was raspy with her even when she had the power to oust him as CEO.

This story about Maya isn't Spencer's first tabloid expos about someone gay, transgender, heterosexual, bisexual, triple-sexual, unfaithful, swinging, or tricking with prostitutes. With a portfolio of tabloids, Spencer probably has tangoed with GLAAD before -- among many other lawyers, organizations, and people who want Bill to stop printing what he prints.

Threats mean nothing to the god of all media and money. An incentive, however, might have meant something. Perhaps Eric could have traded Rick's resignation for retraction. Maybe Ridge could have come off some of his stock to get Bill to make all things right with the media world again.

In his own house, Bill had to contend with a snotty-nosed reporter who seemed to have forgotten that Bill could make sure he couldn't so much as own a personal blog if Bill didn't want him to. The reporter quit over the Maya story, but he never should have even turned his rsum in to Spencer if he had a problem with the company's morals. This reporter must not have been working for them when Bill crushed Hope Logan with the pill-popping story.

Speaking of which, does anyone know where Katie was during that storyline? Somewhere getting her nails done? Just like Bill told her, she knows that Spencer publishes gossip and rumors through the tabloids. She didn't miss a single update about Brooke, so why is she now so incensed about Maya's story? Don't give me that Rick is your family, Katie. Brooke's your family. Hope's your family. Their stories paid for that rock on your finger, so hush and take several seats beside the reporter who quit.

Next up in arms about Bill's choices will be Bill's self-righteous sons who couldn't wait to get their hands on Rick's, Maya's, or the Forrester doorman's secrets if it could oust Rick. Wyatt was grinning like the Joker, trying to convince Liam to fire up the presses, blogs, and TV spots for the Maya story. He said himself that he felt bad for Nicole, but they had to print it. But while backpeddling with Nicole, he blamed it all on Bill. Wonder if Bill is proud of Dumb and Dumber for leaving him holding the blame bag.

For at least three or four episodes, Wyatt was insisting that they had to use it. That is until Katie Don't-Disparage-a-Lady put the kibosh on the story, and as I recall, all three Spencer men looked at her like she was crazy.

Bill needs to stuff a diamond pacifier in Katie's mouth and direct her down to daycare to make sure Will isn't swallowing any more quarters instead letting her worry about a story that will blow over in time for the next news cycle.

Next week, Liam will come out from hiding beneath Bu's fur balls to berate Bill for the story. I'm straining to remember if Liam felt so fervently about Bill's stories about Hope. Liam's been consistently waffling about what to do from the moment he heard the secret. No surprise there. Katie said it would be public humiliation for Rick and Maya. Why did she predict that even before the story went to print? Why would it be public humiliation?

What if the public read the story and championed Maya and Rick? What if transgender media consumers embraced the story, and what if it caused people to talk about their stories? Would Spencer be a bully then? Or would Bill be declawed as his story became a hug-fest for mankind?

One thing is certain. Bill wanted to pay Rick back for his treatment of Ivy and Caroline. Bill wanted to pay Maya and Rick back for locking him in a mock jail cell years ago, and I believe he killed two birds with one story because these two self-important, insecure people love to bully and get over on people but cower when the breeze whispers against them.

The question is, will Bill's media hammer squash Rick, or will the phoenix Rick rise from behind his mother's apron and father's pant leg to achieve victory?

Funny, Rick, I don't remember you proudly shouting your name when you met Maya. Just earlier this week, you were telling Maya about how people loved to call out your name and loved to remind you when you weren't living up to it. Sounded to me like you hated your name and the mantle it rested upon your shoulders. Friday was a new day, and suddenly, Eric Jr. the Great reclaimed his name and declared that he could accomplish anything.

Anybody remember people name-shaming Rick as a child? In his childhood, he was beloved like any other barely-on-screen child until he smacked puberty in the face and shot Grant in the back -- or was it in the side? I can't remember, but what I do remember is something Rick claims not to remember while he's busily rehashing Ridge's past deeds. Grant lived, and Ridge took the blame for the shooting to save the course of Ricky boy's life.

Bet Ridge probably thinks that was the worst decision he's ever made besides the decision not to trip Brooke while she was pregnant with Rick.

Maybe if Ridge hadn't intervened, Rick could have done some time in juvenile hall and learned some respect for people. Maybe he would have learned to toughen up, stop crying, and treat people well before they pounded into him the prison yard concrete.

Out of Ridge's butt came something called a morality behavioral clause, which was tucked away in Rick's contract just waiting to chemically react with some shenanigans. It had to be the right balance of shenanigans, mind you. Replacing portraits, firing people at will, firing at people at will, making Oliver into Maya's personal photographer, and enslaving Aly weren't enough. Apparently, running off the road and "attacking" Ridge finally tipped the scales toward activation. Now if only someone with a Rick hazmat suit could enforce it. That wouldn't be Eric.

I got excited about the clause, but then I remembered -- every time they send Eric in to deal with Rick, Rick cries his way out of it. That's exactly what he tried to do at the Friday cliffhanger. He's tugging on Eric's emotional whiskers, pouting and crying about how Eric needs to stand up for him. Stand up for Rick? Eric has stood up for Rick so long that Eric has bunions. Enough already.

Ridge is always talking about the family and company as a whole. Rick is always talking about himself and Maya. Eric should have already known Rick was going to pour some sob story all over him and should have gone in with the hazmat suit and a spine transplant to stand up to Rick's harping on Ridge stealing Brooke from Eric.

Hate to break it to Rick, but that's old, inaccurate news. Eric went from being in love with Brooke's mother, while married, to carrying on with Brooke in secret, while married. Eric had no business going after Beth's daughter -- while married. Rick didn't have a functioning family by the time he was two or three, and the person to blame for that is Eric, not Ridge. Eric and Bill need to get together for coffee and discuss the best ways to keep their sons friendly. Rule one, don't give one of them something the other has or covets, like a house or a company. Rule two, make them work at separate places, whether it's at different companies or on different continents. Rule three, figure out how to keep them from loving the same women. These rules have worked for John and Eric, apparently.

Will Eric once again fall for Rick's blubbering speech about supporting him, or will Eric let Ridge take Rick's job? Considering the broken records on this show, my bet is that Eric will side with his mini-tyrant again. We have Steffy returning next week and Ridge making an offer to the Spencers. This has got to mean that Ridge is ready to make a deal with the god of money to get rid of the devil in fashion.

If the stock takeover finally makes it off the ground, will Ridge be designing bulletproof uniforms for the employees, or will Rick be forced into Parisian exile again? Will Ivy's eyes turn green with envy if Liam and Steffy wind up working together? I think Katie had better quit her bitching to Bill because Steffy might return with eyes on the Dollar Bill prize.

The most important questions to be answered are -- will Aly get her room back if this takeover happens? And did Quinn mate and then kill her new husband? Where are they? Until we find out, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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