Slaps in the face

The back of Quinn's hand had Brooke getting an up-close look at her carpet, but other faces were stinging among the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan, too, if only metaphorically. Steffy got smacked by the reality of Liam's commitment to Ivy. Rick batted Aly around for his own amusement. But it looks like Nicole might be ready to lay down a little sisterly smackdown! Get ready to rumble with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you promote shoes only to get stepped on? Did you leave Los Angeles without crossing your most important item off your shopping list? Did you make more sense drunk than others did sober? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

What a mixed bag of episodes, Scoopers! On the one hand, there was quite a bit of nice character development and attention to detail, yet, on the other, characters were either forgetting or ignoring some very large elephants occupying multiple rooms. Like those elephants, I never forget. And neither do you! Let's get slaphappy in this latest installment of Two Scoops!

Ridge, Ivy, and others lamented that they would remain under Rick's penal servitude for "a whole year." Has no one consulted a calendar? Rick tricked Eric into signing that "irrevocable CEO" contract in early January -- two months ago. That means his employees only need to suffer ten more months, not twelve. And Ridge proved that he is still King of the Wafflers, because first he told Steffy, "I'm not going to make a business decision to fix your love life," then he basically told Liam it was okay for Ivy to end up as collateral damage if it saved Forrester.

Liam wasn't wrong when he asked if Ridge were playing matchmaker. Ridge was totally channeling Stephanie in that moment! And I know I keep going on about this, but Liam doesn't need to be involved in this takeover. Ridge and his kids have a 50% share of Forrester. Granted, that's not enough for a majority, so if we really must put Liam in the mix, how about having Liam buy even 1% from Bill? It's also silly for Steffy to pin her hopes on Ridge going along with the takeover, because Ridge's complicity doesn't mean Liam will agree to dump Ivy for Steffy.

And another thing! Can we just get on with this takeover already? B&B hasn't shirked from lightning-fast stories for years, yet this one is really dragging on. Steffy returned to L.A. five weeks ago, and she's still singing that "I'll only help you oust Rick if you take me back" tune. And Rick is still taunting his underlings for no other reason than that he's getting off on it. I gotta tell ya -- it's starting to get boring.

Admittedly, the often-cloying flashbacks the show typically inserts were much better integrated into scenes this week, with Steffy's blasts from the past coming in while she was reminding Liam about those same moments. (Brooke recalling how Quinn smacked her was also done in this more effective fashion.) Steffy does have a little revisionist history going on, though. "The moment you rescued me from that bathtub, I knew," Steffy sighed, pinpointing when she fell for him. Never mind that her near-drowning happened mere hours after her unconsummated dream man, Bill, dumped her!

I did think it was interesting how Steffy chronicled her time in Paris, especially in regard to Hope, because it added layers to the Lope/Hott triangle we witnessed. Even more interesting, Steffy admitted, "I wouldn't be fighting for our life back if you were married to Hope." Given how much Steffy disregarded Hope's ever-changing relationship with Liam, that's significant progress. Unfortunately, Steffy has just transferred that dismissal to "the kangaroo," Ivy. (Okay, I can't deny it -- that was funny.)

During the never-ending Leffy/Lope triangle, Liam would choose one girl, only to look constipated because he was thinking about the other. For a moment this week, it looked like I'd have to start buying Ex-Lax for Liam again, but holy on the moly! He exhibited actual growth! (So rare for a B&B character.) He admitted he was tempted to reboot his marriage to Steffy, but he was committed to Ivy, and that was that. Livy lives! And Steffy slinked out Liam's door with her tail between her legs, smacked upside the head by her ex's new resolve. Pow!

Having told Liam that she would simply watch Rick strangling the company from afar and wait for Liam to change his mind (Ivy's "how immature" said it all), Steffy went to her father's freakin' cool loft and told him there was no reason to stay in L.A. Not even said father, Steffy? Ouch! No, Steffy deemed the takeover over -- this from the girl who blackmailed Forrester away from Bill in two shakes of her perfectly coiffed head. Good thing Liam determined he'd find another way.

Steffy topped off what I assume was her final scene this visit by again slamming Ridge's coupling with Caroline. Ridge wasn't having it and told his daughter, "I'm not going to defend my relationship to you," probably still fed up from having to do that with Stephanie all those years. But didn't Ridge just interfere in Liam's relationship with Ivy? Not to mention, Steffy repeated her complaint that Caroline is her age, but Ridge never once reminded Steffy about her own involvement with the much older Bill. Why does the show keep missing this very important beat?

No, Steffy, don't let the door hit your hottie-boomalotti butt on the way out. Things got much more interesting when Ridge and Caroline turned each other into a paint-by-numbers set again. Seeing the second go-round coming, I thought it would be rehash, but it was really sweet and sensual. It even distracted me from the fact that Ridge had to tell Caroline about Liam, Steffy, and the apparently aborted takeover plan. Wyatt and Ivy were in the loop; why was Caroline only just now hearing about it?

Speaking of the not-deposed dictator of Forrester, it seems the tides are turning at "Forrester Manor," as Aly called it. A couple of weeks ago, Maya would have been chortling at Rick making his half-niece mix up martinis, make snacks, and rub Maya's feet. Now, even Maya is asking Rick, "Really?" An apt question, since, when Rick thought Eric was going to remove him as CEO, Rick pondered if he truly had been behaving badly and showed an interest in changing. Apparently, that change was only halfhearted and "calculated," at least for Eric's benefit. Boo hiss!

Which is what makes Maya's somewhat-turnaround all the more fascinating. Not that Maya had much time to savor her ill-begotten victuals because, suddenly, sister Nicole showed up on the doorstep for another visit. This time, Rick overruled Maya's not-so-subtle resistance to Nicole staying with them and opened his house to the younger Avant. He even gave Maya a slightly threatening glance. Remember when Rick wanted Nicole investigated, and Pam wouldn't do it? Maybe Rick got some dirt, after all, but it's on Maya. He's definitely acting like he knows something.

In the same breath, Rick called Nicole "family," though she's only the sister of his mistress, while he doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about Ivy and Aly, his real family. Okay, half-family. But still. "Aly doesn't mind giving up her room," Rick assured Nicole. Say what? He just got through telling Nicole that there was plenty of room in the mansion! Why is he picking on Aly so unmercifully? Maybe Aly needs to get her axe out of mothballs. I wonder what kind of hatchet job Nicole will pull on Maya? Baby sis is finally in da house, literally, and I can't wait to see what she has in store. This better be good!

Meanwhile, Wyatt Spencer, the Man Without a Storyline, seemed connected to everyone in his immediate circle. His support of Ivy was really cool, and even his interaction with Steffy crackled in spots. Investigating potential future pairings, are we? Weird that Pam would want to set Wyatt up with a girl from her crochet circle, since he's still married. Well, in name only; Hott is definitely over, and when Hope comes back to town for a day, as was reported this week, I hope it's to finally set Wyatt free so he can have his own story.

In the meantime, he's well ensconced in the love life of mama Quinn, whom he acknowledges has a lifetime pass on the crazy train. "I keep saying that I'm going to wash my hands of her," Wyatt told Brooke in a unique scene, "but who else is going to check on her? I'm the only one who knows the difference between her everyday crazy and her going-off-the-deep-end crazy." Wyatt was afraid he'd need to bring back the water wings, since he felt Quinn was standing very close to that deep end.

And that may very well have merit. Quinn smacked Brooke to the floor, warning the soused slut from the valley to stay away from Deacon. I wonder if Brooke had any Sheila flashbacks? It would have been so cool for Brooke to tell Quinn she can handle her because she graduated from a crash course in Sheila eons ago, but perhaps the show felt newer viewers wouldn't get the reference. At any rate, Quinn apologized, but Brooke bolted the door the second Quinn left. Tell me again Miss Carter's shadow isn't looming large!

Rena Sofer does a great job of bringing out the vulnerability written for Quinn in the scripts, but Quinn is no Sheila -- she's Sheila Lite at best. Quinn's insecurity is getting old, too; her "you wouldn't leave me for her, would you?" is territory we've been covering ever since Brooke came back. Deacon returned to the Logan manse to check on Brooke, who wasn't too toasted the night before to recall that Deacon had kissed her and that Quinn had tipped her hand...on Brooke's face!

Deacon was horrified, and he raged at Quinn, but it was odd that he was more upset with Ms. Fuller for slapping Brooke than he was when Quinn pointed a gun at him for accusing her of killing Ricardo Montemayor. Yes, I am still on that! And Brooke could only complain about what Quinn did to Hope. Has everybody forgotten that Liam would be dead by Quinn's hand if Wyatt hadn't walked in when he did? Why are Deacon and Brooke not concerned with that? Why doesn't somebody bring this up?

At least Deacon finally did quip, "No more murder attempts," and hoped Quinn wouldn't poison or stab him in his sleep -- but only after he presented her with a ring. Wow, really? I think I could accept DeQuinn if the show would get in there and deal with Quinn's long list of crimes directly; Deacon making her promise "no more craziness" isn't enough. Like Quinn can help it! Maybe if she got that therapy she lied about having. Instead, Deacon and Quinn celebrated their engagement by hitting the sheets. Not as hot as CaRidge, but DeQuinn did rather get one by the censors by having Quinn say, "Sex makes my fingers swell up!"

Wyatt was not happy at the prospect of having Deacon as a stepfather, but I can't quite understand why. When Deacon first reappeared last June, Wyatt bonded with him. Now Wyatt turns his nose up at the mere mention of Sharpe's name. And Brooke, who was amazingly insightful for one who's apparently living in a vodka-induced haze, told Deacon he idealized women and needed to watch what he was signing up for with Quinn. And here I thought alcohol was supposed to dull the senses!

Unbeknownst to Brooke and Deacon, Quinn was outside, listening, while Deacon talked her up and Brooke tore her down. Deacon dashed out, somehow not noticing that Quinn's car had to be parked nearby. But then we got the handheld camera, which, ever since the '90s, has meant some ish is about to go down. I called it -- Quinn slammed the door and began threatening Brooke, despite having just promised Deacon she would dial back the crazy. I guess Quinn showed more self-awareness than I thought when she told Deacon she didn't do promises well.

Again, I couldn't help wondering if Brooke was recalling going up against Sheila because Brooke got right up in Quinn's face and declared she wasn't afraid of her. (Maybe it's the booze talking!) Quinn had a point when she said Brooke liked to keep men pining over her, and Brooke had a point when she said Quinn would end up ruining things with Deacon herself. But then Brooke delivered her own metaphorical slap in the face by sneering at Quinn's "itty-bitty engagement ring" and refusing to allow Deacon to take Quinn as his wife!

I don't know how Brooke can forbid Deacon to marry Quinn, but I like watching Brooke put her foot down with her daughter's mother-in-law. We won't see Quinn's reaction to Brooke's bravado until Monday, but the way Quinn was scowling, Brooke may soon find herself suffering Liam's sword-tipped fate! How do you think Brooke vs. Quinn will go down? Make your predictions in the Comments section below, on the Soap Central message boards, or by simply clicking here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column -- like these!

• "Are we supposed to believe that Brooke became an alcoholic in just one afternoon? And everybody, especially Brooke, pointing out the age difference between Ridge and Caroline is laughable. Wasn't Brooke the one who went after Ridge's father...and what about Steffy and Bill? And...those tiring statements how Caroline betrayed Rick when Rick is the only one who has been doing all the betraying...Rick is a bully and it saddens me that B&B is openly supporting this." -- Agnieszka

• "Brooke can't be strong or find her own footing...because she doesn't have a man? Please, I don't have a man and I [couldn't] care less. Steffy hasn't grown one bit in her time in Paris; there are millions of gorgeous sexy Frenchmen running around and she still wants the whining waffling wonder that is Liam...between Ridge, Steffy, Thomas and Bill's shares of [Forrester], Eric and Rick would be out in a second. [They] need to be." -- Peggy

• "I think the show and the characters all went to hell when they killed Stephanie off. None of the characters seem to have moral standards anymore and no one is there to remind them of that. Stephanie would have jumped Ridge for getting with Caroline, told Steffy to leave Liam alone because she could do better, kicked Rick and Maya out of her house and told Brooke she was a drunk. I was hoping Eric [would be] the moral compass of the show, but he has totally wimped out." -- Stacey

Those are some strong opinions! And I've got a few, too, in this week's Points to Ponder:

"What does she know about loneliness?" Quinn scoffed in regard to Brooke. Well, Quinn's got her there... The same soap day, in real time, lasted a week and a half; early in it, Rick told Aly he'd consider her shoe designs. How did Aly have prototypes made up by that same evening?... Steffy snarked that Liam had only known Ivy a couple of months. But Liam scooped Ivy out of the Seine back in August -- 7 months ago...

"You like being the breadwinner," Deacon told Quinn. That comment certainly helped define their relationship for us... Liam agreed it would be great to run Forrester with Steffy. Yet Liam just got through assuring Ridge that he'd be busy with Spencer and that Ridge and Steffy would run Forrester... Aly worried that if she wasn't nice to Rick, she could "kiss [her] career goodbye." What career? Only a year ago, she was shadowing Hope, and she has no distinct job description to speak of...

Ridge and Caroline quaffed a couple of beers pre-paint job. This occurred not long after the previous episode, in which Liam was serving Ivy breakfast. And since when would fashion plate Caroline show up anywhere in a thin T-shirt?... "Thorne's gotten nowhere by being a nice guy," Rick pointed out to Maya. It's hard to argue that... Deacon agreed that Quinn shouldn't take his name, because then she'd be Quinn Sharpe, and "people will think you're into swords." Um, she is, and she just about took Liam out with a homemade one, which Deacon knows...

Some best lines: "It is one thing to slap me," Brooke slurred, "but to waste my vodka?" Quinn told Deacon that she could tell his engagement ring was "inferior workmanship from across the room." And finally, Aly warned Ivy that "Rick hates cilantro." "I know," Ivy replied, sprinkling more into the salad she was commanded to make!

Chanel's back next week, and I will again take up my Scoop in the name of all that is soapy on March 23. Will Quinn waste Brooke when she finds out Deacon kissed her? Because you know Quinn's gonna find out! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.