Surely you joust

Wyatt couldn't believe he inherited the HFTF diamond and got his job back in the same day. Justin couldn't believe that Ridge was onto him about the Abu Dhabi helicopter accident. And no one could believe Oliver was willing to don a suit of armor to prove himself to Aly! Indulge in some "knight fever" with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you get an invitation to join a crack team of crackpots? Did you remember the fink that put you in the drink? Did you go medieval on your woman? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

Greetings, milords and ladies! 'Tis I, Sir Michael of Castle Twoscoops! Last time I columnized, Liam was about to die by the sword, and this time, Oliver lived by the sword. Maybe Ollie needs one of those Spencer necklaces! His honor is restored, even if his credibility isn't, though Maya skanked out, Ridge is onto his latest obsession, and we received signs that the Wyatt/Hope/Liam triangle still isn't done. I think the sun may burn out before it is!

Well, there's no indication whether she's climbing Ivy or poison Ivy, but the latest Forrester has surfaced from Down Under. I haven't seen enough of her to form an opinion -- unlike many of you, who have already decided she'll be with Liam or Wyatt, you matchmakers, you. I prefer to wait on such speculation; what if she's a psychopath or something...like Quinn? Has anyone verified that Quinn is in a loony bin? Quinn could have texted from anywhere. It may be July, but I smell a snow job for sure.

Here's what I don't get: Ivy is the daughter of John Forrester. Longtime viewers will remember first hearing of Eric's never-seen brother back in 1994, when John's daughter, Jessica Forrester, came to town. Jessica's mother, Maggie Forrester, wasn't far behind, and she had recently divorced John. So, whoever Ivy's mum is, it's not Maggie, and given Ivy's age, plus the fact that Jessica was a teenager in the '90s, Jessica is old enough to be Ivy's mother! Guess John's a Forrester after all, 'cuz that's how they roll.

While Ivy, who just happened to be into jewelry design, received a job offer from Forrester (don't all newbies?), Wyatt got the Hope for the Future diamond dropped into his lap. Did Ricardo know he was going to die? Otherwise I can't fathom how he could have made a video for Wyatt. And I guess Seor Montemayor didn't know Wyatt stole his diamond in the first place, because surely he wouldn't have bequeathed it to Wyatt if he did. At least we didn't get the diamond's bell tree music this time.

Wyatt couldn't wait to tell new BFF Deacon about his luck. Wyatt must not watch Y&R, or he'd know Freaky Deaky can't be trusted around priceless items. Anyway, Deacon listened as Wyatt revealed that he wanted Hope back...just as Hope and Liam decided Wyatt would be the perfect person to work with Ivy. Question: if Quinn's in the nuthouse, and Wyatt's working for Forrester, who's running Quinn Artisan Jewelers? Think of all those poor people out there...going to bed at night without any jewelry.

I have to say, Liam and Wyatt's new bond is so cool. It's been a long time coming, and Scott Clifton and Darin Brooks really exude this new fraternal warmth. It's really a shame it isn't going to last. Liam and Wyatt work much better as a team, and I'd rather have that than them fighting over Hope for another year. But you know B&B these days...too much of a good thing is never enough. And now poor Ivy's going to get thrown into this mix. I just can't, Scoopers...I just can't.

Meanwhile, it took Oliver to provide a reasonable explanation for Maya's Sudden Personality Switch Disorder: "she's changed...or, changed back." It's true: maybe we only assumed Maya was a nice girl. She did have an edge when we first met her; was she really only nice to Rick because he's a Forrester? But then, she supposedly didn't know Rick was a Forrester when they met. I dunno; Oliver's comment fills in some blanks, but Maya's one-eighty still doesn't ring true to me.

Fortunately, Maya's house of cards toppled on her when Rick pulled a Spike Lee and "did the right thing" by telling Carter about Maya coming on to him in the steam room. The result? Carter finally came alive! Only took a year and a half; who knew it would take pissing Carter off to get a reaction out of him! Thank you, Lawrence Saint-Victor, for lighting a fire under Carter's ass as the disappointed fianc pulled the truth out of Maya.

I'll concede that Maya's "I had to be sure" argument was valid, but once she popped off about wanting the life of a Forrester, she was done. Carter said Maya was jealous of Oliver because he was dating a Forrester and accused Maya of settling for him, which was obvious from the beginning. When Maya offered to work through things, Carter growled, "You're only saying that because Rick turned you down," adding that Maya couldn't be a Forrester because they had class and dignity. Pow! Carter wins!

I've always wondered if Maya's sudden involvement in Oliver's love life wasn't because she was jealous of him dating a Forrester but because she was actually jealous of Aly. Let's face it: Maya and Oliver did share that kiss by the elevator months ago. At any rate, Oliver, who has his first substantial storyline in four years, knew Maya's "Aly equals job security" recording was a time bomb and set out to defuse it by telling Aly about it himself. Apparently, Oliver is a Spike Lee fan, too.

Oliver said he was angry and trying to sound cool when he popped off to Maya, which doesn't seem right. I think Oliver meant it when he said it. However, I also think he actually fell in love with Aly while trying to help her through her issues with Taylor. But Aly only heard that Oliver wasn't into her at first, and went running through the halls of Forrester. How old is she, 13? She's generally presented that way, despite having been a college student who was going through law school.

Aly hid in Rick's office and promptly had a discussion with Floating Darla Head. Man, I loved Darla already in the '80s; why can't she be a full ghost instead of a basketball? It's the least she deserves. Anyway, Pam, and then Charlie, arrived in their medieval duds. Is this all they do anymore? Don't they have jobs? I suppose anything's better than hearing about lemon bars, and I'm more glad about Pam and Charlie's continuing relationship than I care to admit. I just wish they'd get a real storyline of their own.

After much convincing from Lady Pamela and Lord Charlie, Aly emerged from Rick's office...wearing her medieval finery. What, did Rick keep it stashed in there for her? Anyway, Aly got dragged back to Medieval Times, where she was repeatedly told to enjoy herself. Wasn't it insensitive of Pam and Charlie to blow off Aly's feelings like that? The girl was seriously hurting. Good thing for Aly, Oliver saw her getting on the elevator in costume and decided to don one of his own.

And this is where things got a little bizarre. Oliver sneaked backstage at Medieval Times and was mistaken for a "yellow knight" who was late for his gig. Now, even Charlie said it: "This place has top-notch security." Oliver would have been stopped at the door -- and let's not forget, the Medieval Times populace are all trained actors. Emphasis on "trained." Oliver even yelled, "I'm not the guy!" -- and the knight fought him anyway! Never happen!

Besides, Oliver should know better than to wear a mask -- the last time he did, he unwittingly boffed Brooke, losing Hope in the process. This bit of "knight fever" was contrived so that Oliver could make a romantic gesture toward Aly and win her back. Did it succeed on that level? Yes. Did it succeed as anything remotely close to realistic? Guess. Aly would never have been allowed to rush onto the...well, I suppose it's a stage of sorts. Nor could Aly and Oliver interact with the cast. They'd be dragged away!

Instead, the crowd (including the stock footage, real-life crowd inserted into the scene) cheered them on, which should have been the end of it. But we got a whole extra day of this court jesting to stretch out whether Aly would take Oliver back. It wasn't exactly high suspense. The only intriguing part was Medieval Floating Darla Head paranormally transferring Aly's carnation so that Oliver could give it back to her. Even I have to admit, that was Darla's best moment since she started appearing as a ghost.

Ridge, on the other hand, was struggling with the ghost of memories that were scrambled from falling out of the helicopter in Abu Dhabi. Tell me: how come he can do almost everything, but he can't draw a design? Maybe it's because he's using his right hand; we all know that Ridge is left-handed. Okay, Ronn Moss was left-handed, and Thorsten Kaye isn't. Work with me. At least Ridge hasn't undergone the instant healing that anyone else who gets injured on the show does, which is interesting after all these weeks.

Apparently Ridge has flashbacks in sepia tone, in which he kept seeing the Spencer logo. Now, how come Ridge can remember everything leading up to the accident, but he's fuzzy on the accident itself? At any rate, he was sure Bill was involved somehow, as poor Katie had to listen to another round of Ridge being on the case. Ridge did find out that the chopper he charted never took off. Wait a minute: Ridge was going to have a helicopter fly over 8,000 miles to the United Arab Emirates from Los Angeles?

Justin was freaking, sure that Ridge had seen the logo on his jacket. How could Justin determine that? He saw Ridge peripherally, for a split-second. Bill assured Justin that any trace of their involvement in Ridge's accident would be excised then canoodled with Brooke, doing a pretty good Elvis imitation while pressuring her to marry him. Brooke questioned his urgency with an "If I didn't know any better..." Brooke does know better. She knows the lengths Bill went to in his bid to keep Liam and Hope apart.

Oh, Brooke, I can't blame you. Bill is fine as hell; it would be difficult not to be blinded by that. But when Ridge showed up at the door, she bought Bill's incredibly smooth line of bull about Ridge's hatred of him creating false memories. Dang, I almost believed it. "There's no way you're capable of doing what he's saying," Brooke later purred to Bill. Gondolas, MRIs, busting Deacon out of jail...now who's got false memories, Brooke? Her synapses are all tangled up from the constant diet of testosterone.

Meanwhile, the now-brunette Alison was on it, helping Justin delete this and expunge that. It's rather nice to see Justin get a storyline. "Lawyer, helicopter pilot: is there anything you can't do?" Alison gushed. Hell, Justin, Carter's got you beat in the hyphenated career department; as my friends and I used to say, Justin and Carter should get together and go bowling. But it was Ridge who went for a strike when he suddenly snatched Justin up by the tie and looked ready to choke an answer out of him!

What will Justin tell Ridge? What will Brooke do when she finds out Bill dumped the man she dumped? Will Darla ever get a body? And will Ivy go running back to Australia when Wyatt, Hope, and Liam drag her into their triangular business? Talk to us on the Soap Central message boards or the comments section. Send email or leave a voicemail! Or talk about it on Facebook below. Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "Love your column -- you are more entertaining than the show most days, I'm afraid. Can I vent for a moment? I'm starting to feel like the writers don't care that the viewers actually know what came before the specific episode they are writing for -- there is no requirement that flashbacks, verbatim repetition of dialog, or drastic character personality switches be postponed for some reasonable amount of time! I know they need to occasionally catch new viewers (or lapsed viewers) up, but not every single day! On to substance...suddenly [Maya] can't get the financial security she craves by just marrying a corporate lawyer? I may not live in Malibu or Bel Air, but as a corporate lawyer myself (for a company that I'm sure doesn't pay anywhere near as much as Forrester!), I can tell you that's just nuts, unless she suddenly needs to live the life of the ultra-rich (when living above Dayzee's was just fine not too long ago)!...it looks like Deacon has fallen off the wagon again...there have been at least 3 pointed references to alcohol that seemed out of place, and can only be foreshadowing Deacon's downward spiral back into the pit of alcoholism. As long as it's portrayed realistically, affects the lives of others in a meaningful way, and not solved in a day without a single craving, it could provide for some good storylines and some excellent acting opportunities! Finally, I have to comment on Brooke. Bad enough that she seems to have forgotten how much misery Bill caused her family (especially Hope), but her language was very telling...when Bill said he was going over to confront Quinn, she freaked and absolutely [forbad] it, but when Hope said she was going to confront the same crazy lady, Brooke's response was a much milder "oh, I wish you wouldn't." I guess there can be no question whom she values more!" -- Erin

Let's mount up and storm the castle with some other Points to Ponder:

I realize that, as a society, our attention spans are shorter than ever, but there's too much backtracking into the previous episode -- and way too many establishing shots. It's getting ridiculous; after commercials, there are only 19 minutes of airtime as it is, and the show spends at least 2 of those flying over different spots in L.A. and zooming in on buildings...

At least B&B's jousting jaunt got a touch of realism when it turned out Oliver could barely ride a horse. He's a much better flower-thrower, though: what if Aly hadn't caught the carnation he chucked at her? And what if she hadn't been sitting in the front where he could easily get to her?... I couldn't help smiling when Aly, watching Oliver getting thrown from his horse, looked to Ghost Darla, who had told her everything would be fine. Darla's response? "Oops." For one brief word, we got the '80s/'90s Darla ditz we knew and loved.

Hope pushed kissing bug Liam away, telling him, "I have work I need to do." Doesn't Liam? He's only a vice president at Spencer Publications, but he's always superglued to Hope. A real exec would be on the J-O-B, even on crutches!... It sounds as if, with this new position, Wyatt will actually be working for Forrester, unlike before, when Quinn Aristan was only contracted with Forrester. But Wyatt was delusional when he told Deacon that he and Ricardo had "done a lot of business in the past." No, you went and picked up a diamond and put it on display...before pocketing it yourself...

It always seemed weird that Forrester's lines suddenly needed accessories after 26 years -- but this week's "our customers have come to like the idea of buying jewelry with their clothes" actually filled in that blank quite nicely... So Ridge, who basically told Katie to get on board or get off regarding his investigation of his helicopter ride, dragged Katie to Bill's for answers, then apparently dropped Katie at home to go to Spencer and rough up Justin. Hope Katie kept the receipt on that engagement string of hers!

Lady Tracy of Castle Twoscoops will ride into battle next week to trumpet all the latest B&B happenings. And if you do the Twitter thing, come find me: I'm @magicallyAMJ, a total Twitter newbie. Help me figure out this tweety twitty hashtaggy stuff! In the meantime, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.