Nice day for a black wedding

Steffy looked as if she rode in from Billy Idol's video as B&B kicked off its most unusual wedding yet. But Steffy's mama, Taylor, was really hell on wheels when she clued in to one of Brooke's blackest moments! Get revved up with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did your wedding come complete with a soundtrack? Did you decide your favorite charity was yourself? Did your hot rod get snagged by a hot dog? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Thank you all for the kind words you wrote in about our fallen comrade, Allison. I know she'd appreciate it, and I know we here at Soap Central certainly do. You can still make a donation in her memory to help defray her medical bills by visiting her blog, The Nothing's Impossible Project, or through Shelly Tunis (Allison's sister), c/o Soap Central, P.O. Box 516, Philadelphia, PA 19105-0516.

Speaking of donations, Caroline's wheels were turning (which we can hear as a result of her fall) after Rick again resisted her lingerie-clad advances. Has she not gotten the message that maybe sex in a place of business isn't such a good idea? But then, how could she, when the men of Forrester do little more than work out in the Forrester Sky Lounge. Carter must think he joined a gym instead of snagging a gig giving legal advice. Not that Caroline minded. Will she see his, ahem, briefs before all this is done?

I like that Carter knows what time it is with the ever-transparent Caroline. "I figured you'd get around to that," he deadpanned as Caroline again tried to convince him to take Maya off Rick's hands. Personally, I think the whole Rick/Maya thing has stalled. Why is Rick even with Caroline anymore if he really wants to be with Maya? As I said last week, it makes Rick looks like he's trying to have his cake and eat it, too, which I don't think is B&B's intention. We're going in circles here; we need action.

Caroline seems poised to take some, in the form of using the cancer foundation that was set up in dear deceased Aunt Caroline's name to manipulate Rick away from Maya. Wow! Talk about pissing on a legacy. If the original Caroline had used tactics like that, neither Brooke nor Taylor would ever have had a chance with Ridge! (Aside from that whole pesky leukemia thing.) At least Caroline had a humanity moment when she admitted to Rick she could be impossible, but it didn't last long, did it?

Carter rested his muscles between workouts by presiding over what was perhaps the most unusual wedding in B&B's history. You know, I kind of liked it. The locale was quite nice, and I was even able to get on the wavelength of Steffy's black dress/suit and nail polish. I have been notified that there were references to Steffy being a tomboy even before she was SORASed, so I sit corrected. And Liam, who I expected would flash back to Hope at some point during the ceremony, was very into marrying Steffy, save for one constipated look before his vows, which may have meant nothing.

Hope, on the other hand, forgot that she was the one who told Liam to marry Steffy in the first place, and made ready to crash the festivities. Who knew Brooke would be the one to talk her out of it? In the biggest show of growth I've seen in Brooke in a long time, she actually told Hope to accept Liam and Steffy's marriage. There was a neat deleted scene online, where Brooke went so far as to say, "I fought for Ridge for so many years and competed against Taylor that I lost a part of who I am. My values, my importance of honesty. I don't want that to happen to you!"

So Hope stayed away from the wedding, where Forresters and Spencers alike gushed over the happy couple. At least they got to attend Steffy's wedding this time, unlike the Aspen nuptials. The Thomas/Steffy moment was nice. And Taylor's warmth was luminous, though I had to chuckle when she said she trusted Liam and knew he respected Steffy. After all that waffling? Maybe Taylor was quicker to forgive Liam because she sees so much of Ridge in him. And Bill: "I'm so proud of who you are...because you're doing what I want." Okay, he didn't say that last part. But it was all over his face.

At the reception, Justin winked that it had been Liam's decision to marry Steffy, not Bill's ("And on his own, imagine that"), and Taylor gave a toast that felt like one Ridge would have made; fitting since B&B didn't even have a gift show up from the bride's father. And Eric, spot-on as ever, only half-joked as he congratulated the Spencer family "on this wonderful acquisition," then called attention to the portrait of Steffy's grandmother and namesake, Stephanie. See? They worked Stephanie in. Why not Ridge?

I'm sorry to say it, but the reception took a downturn when Liam brought in Steffy's "all-time favorite" singer, Julia Michaels. It's nothing against Julia, who did a fine job of lip-synching (why did she bring someone in to just play a backtrack?). It's just that, unless I'm missing something, her song "Next to You" had no prior connection to Steffy at all. If Steffy had mentioned this song over the past two years, it would have been a neat touch. Instead, it felt like so much stunt casting, and then we had to hear the song again in a boring montage at the end of the episode! What was the point?

While I'm on this, let me just say that I am so over these cheesy montages accompanied by angst-filled pop songs. I hated it when shows like Dawson's Creek trotted that device out in the late '90s, and it doesn't belong on B&B. I have no issue with the soap helping to promote up-and-coming artists. But how many songs did we have this week -- three? Four? We don't need repeated flashbacks that just make the songs sound corny. The time would be much better filled...with cool deleted scenes that wouldn't have had to be deleted were it not for these pointless insertions. Okay. Rant over.

So, Liam whisked Steffy off to their mystery honeymoon locale (Aspen -- where else?), where we were subjected to two days of their canoodling. "I'm your wife!" Steffy beamed. "I'm your husband!" Liam gasped. Wake me when it's over. Sorry, but aside from them considering naming their kid "Aspen Spencer" (which actually does have a certain lilt to it!), I found the whole thing a bore. Though I did like Steffy's admission that "I know how it's supposed to be now, when it's right for both people," which brought them full circle from Steffy's ambush wedding in 2011.

Meanwhile, Taylor inexplicably called Steffy during her honeymoon, which felt off to me. But not as off as Hope texting Liam with a congratulations on his wedding night! Eww! Sulky Hope had good company in ex-boyfriend Oliver, who moped, stalked, and otherwise won raves as the most pathetic guy in Los Angeles from 2010 to 2011. Is there a certain poetic justice in this? At least Hope showed a glimmer of maturity when she told Brooke she wasn't going to rebound with Oliver.

Brooke, however, who championed values and honesty in that deleted scene with Hope, was the picture of irony as she did everything she could to hide having been the mare to Bill's stallion. Everyone from Donna to Taylor to Lieutenant Baker (and his hot dogs) sensed something was off with Our Miss Brooke -- everyone but Katie, who ranked as a 60-watt bulb last week and went down to a 15-watt bulb in record time! Congratulations, Katie!

Katie was always the sensible Logan, but she was never stupid. And part of what attracted Bill in the beginning was that Katie didn't cosign Bill's crap. So to now see Katie as this simpering, self-deprecating, teary-eyed sucker is not only disappointing and out-of-character, it's infuriating. "Thank you for giving me another chance," Katie fawned. "I do trust you! You're a man of your word!" Well, I just about threw up on my laptop. She could say that after he almost left her for Steffy two years ago?

Katie flashed back to several times where she called Bill out, but, instead of remembering what a monster she's married to, she redefined the memories by casting herself as the one at fault! She even recalled her hospital-admitting confrontation with Brooke and Bill and then brushed off its significance! Is she really this much in denial? Or is it all part of a master plan to wreak revenge on an unsuspecting Bill? That would be cool, especially if she'd quietly manipulated those diamonds out of him. But I think it's just that Katie is really now this dumb.

Another Logan sister who lost IQ points was Donna, who had become remarkably astute there for a while. But only a while. Donna correctly deduced that Brooke was blaming herself for Katie's heart attack, and even subtly suggested that's how it should be. Until she turned around and worked the angle that Katie had pushed Brooke and Bill together, finally saying Brooke shouldn't blame herself and that she was an incredible sister! No wonder Donna visited Katie afterwards. She needed to see that she wasn't the dumbest Logan after all.

Brooke has never been a good liar, so it's not surprising that the walls are closing in on her now. But does anyone find the facts surrounding the accident's cover-up a little manufactured? Lt. Baker just happened to have video stills of Brooke's street? And everything else just felt like it was being thrown in to push the story forward, especially because Lt. Baker hasn't been around in weeks. And how about Pam just blurting things out to the lieutenant, then to Taylor? Maybe that's why Pam doesn't have any friends!

Of course, Taylor, whose patients must be running amok because their doctor is either attending weddings, kissing her former father-in-law, or digging up dirt on her nemesis, came looking for Eric at Forrester just in time to overhear Brooke's chat with Lt. Baker. I'm surprised she didn't listen at the keyhole. Secretly becoming privy to conversations is a soap staple, but usually not through closed doors! Taylor thinks she's Stephanie now, but she ain't. Hell, Stephanie would have just barged into the office!

After Lt. Baker left (probably grabbing a lemon bar on his way out), Taylor badgered Brooke about Bill's accident until Brooke started telling Taylor the story of what happened that night. Wasn't that odd? Why did Brooke feel like she owed Taylor any kind of explanation? Unless babbling Brooke narced on herself out of guilt, which she wasn't good at hiding.

Nope, Brooke's behavior was a dead giveaway, especially in front of a shrink...and a shrink who hates her, at that! Taylor was naturally going to assume the worst about Brooke and made inferences to that effect, but when Taylor demanded that Brooke look at her, and Brooke did with her trademark single tear rolling down her face...well, Taylor put it together. It was all a little too easy. But you could see the yellow feathers in Taylor's mouth from where that cat had eaten the canary!

I dunno, Scoopers...the whole proceeding still feels a little flat to me. For a medium where the rule is "show, don't tell," there's sure a whole lotta tellin' goin' on. Now, you telling us stuff is different! We like to hear what you have to say about B&B, and you can do it on the soapcentral.com message boards, in the comments section, by e-mail, or by voice mail. So there's no reason for you not to do a little telling! Your comments could end up in a future column. Like these!

• "Mike, first let me thank you for your heartwarming tribute to Allison J. Waldman. I really enjoyed her weekly editorials about this mess of a soap opera as much as I enjoy yours...someone should tell Bradley Bell that bringing a newborn baby into an ICU unit of a hospital is a no-no. Babies Will's age do not have a strong enough immune system to fight the germs that live in the hospital. That is why most hospitals will not allow children under the age of 14 to make visits." -- CJH

• "I just had to weigh in on the wedding. Where was Ridge? Missing his only daughter's wedding? Although with the wedding-go-round this past year, he probably thought this one wouldn't happen either..." -- Michael

• "Since character changes seem to be the new world order, I'd like to see Hope snap and go medieval on someone, preferably Taylor! And please send that girl a new boyfriend, someone hot that will make Liam jealous." -- Jeanne

• "...[I] was shocked at how alike Liam and Hope are to Bill and Brooke. Brooke was telling Bill that he had to stay with Katie because of the baby. And that 'all she wanted was for Bill to be happy.' I remember Hope saying that exact same thing to Liam about Steffy and the baby. What I don't get is why Bill dislikes Hope so much, when he is in the exact same relationship with Liam..." -- Helen

• "This show is supposed to be bold and beautiful. The two most beautiful characters are Bill and Brooke, and they looked so hot together in the bedroom scenes...would love to see Steffy and Liam stay married and stay in Aspen forever. Hope needs someone who will love her and nobody else. Can't stand Taylor or her kids...now [she's with] Eric. That is truly more sickening to me than Brooke and Bill." -- "Bored Silly"

B&B is strangely boring right now! Just one more reason for us to distract ourselves with some Points to Ponder:

Funny how Hope's weddings to Liam always tank, but Steffy's always go through... Notice how Carter's husband-and-wife proclamation did not include "by the power vested in me by the State of..." Can he perform weddings in California, or just in Texas?... Nice touch that neither Taylor nor Steffy (an alcoholic and an expectant mother, respectively) did not guzzle champagne at the reception... Best line of the week: heart attack patient Katie smirking, "Look at the lengths I'd go to to miss that wedding...

What was up with that bad CGI establishing shot of the plane? It looked like something out of an antiquated video game... "I've never been so happy," Steffy sighed. Which is Soapspeak for "I'm about to be in a world of hurt"... "It's a little late for snowboarding," Taylor guessed. She guessed wrong, since it was exactly a year ago that Steffy collided with an under-the-influence Hope on Aspen's very slopes...

Did anyone else see an interesting flash of spark between Katie and Dr. Meade? I loved when he asked if all Logan women were pushy, and Donna popped off with "You're lucky, you got the most cooperative..." Has anyone given any thought to the fact that Bill's child and grandchild are essentially the same age? That'll be hard to explain at family reunions...

Didn't Heather Tom's connection with her real-life baby, Zane, just light up the scene with Katie and Bill?... The Hope For the Future interviews struck me as strange. If Rick has already chosen Maya to represent the line and has complete confidence in her, why did he need to hire a professional to help coach her?... "He shouldn't have been driving," Brooke admitted to Taylor about Bill. "I'm sure you can relate." Zing! Paging Darla Einstein Forrester!

Finally, Brooke told Bill about "the bond a child helps create." As Astro used to say on The Jetsons, "Rut-ro!" I hear tell that Brooke is about to experience a health scare -- will it be something of a Stephanie nature, or a history-repeating Bridget nature? I know what I'd like it to be, but whether or not that's something I'll see on my screen is entirely something else!

Here's something you will see on your screen, starting Monday: the triumphant return of All My Children and One Life to Live, courtesy of The Online Network and Hulu! It's super-easy to access them on the Internet, and I've heard nothing but good things about the stories they're going to offer. The television networks won't advertise the reboots because they view them as competition. With any luck, B&B will feel a similar pressure and do a little rebooting of their own! Because the soap gods know they could use it.

That's it for now. See you next week, Scoopers, and remember: keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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